How I feel moving forward.
|It's been months since the summer heat of our relationship began to fade. I knew when I saw you, and I was reaffirmed once I spoke to you. Your blonded curls. Your hypnotic smile. Your arousing figure. Your genuine laugh. Your every feature. Regardless of your objectively observed nature anyone else could propose to me, to me, you were flawless. I don't care about the things that other people projected on you to make you see their vision of you as accurate. I know that you are the Pearl of my life. Hidden away in an tightly sealed, deeply buried, and highly pressurized cell. I want you to see with my eyes. I want you to smell with my nose. I want you to feel with my hands. I want you to taste with my mouth. You are the only substance I've ever wanted to insert into my daily life. I found my white whale.
That's what makes my life so hard now. That's what keeps me up in the dark hours. That's what makes me whimper while the magma strikes my skin in the shower. That's what makes me punch walls and myself to feel pain that's only skin deep. You separated yourself from me in a fashion similar to an abduction. "One day here, home tomorrow", as they say. I knew you hadn't vanish, but only from my life. I want to talk to you. Every day and every night, since the day I looked upon your arrival. And here lies the problem. I've learned and been influenced to hold the ideals of respect near to my heart. I fear the hypocrite I might become, and so I have to force myself to respect the distance you put between me and you. I don't understand put like it, but I know that loving you means accepting the decisions you make. In a way, it makes me so proud of you. You have made a choice, and you are not folding. I woul d love nothing more that to pull you by your waist into mine and lie together, hearts racing to synchronized harmony, our breaths matching depth and occurrence. Only when I fall into a slumber will that be more than a sentence I cherish.
I relinquish my drive to occupy a piece of your precious life. I am giving that up. I will leave that likelihood up to the greater powers, whatever they may be. I have spent endless time constructing the happiness I want to bring to you, and I am forever willing. Only time can influence "Us" now.
Forever yours. I love you.