|He was a breath of fresh air. Something new. Something I needed at the time. At first it was just talking. Getting to know him. Wanting to know him. It was on messenger, then it went to snapchat, then eventually we gave each other our numbers.|
He made me laugh, he made me smile. I enjoyed seeing his name pop up on my phone and I knew I was on his mind. When we hung out for the first time the attraction was there. I knew he had strong feelings. I could tell right away. I knew tho, in the back of my mind I knew. He was going to break me.
He confessed his "love" fast. I was hesitant and responded back with an I love you. But did I truly love him? He said all the right things and he said them at the right time. He made me feel special. He made me feel loved needed, wanted, and cared for. But the minute I tried to talk about myself or my feelings he changed. It was always his feelings, never mine, It was always his stories never mine. He never listened when I talked. If we argued he'd blow up but manage to still make it my fault. He blamed my anger. Right so what he had was what? Feelings? Come on dude. Relationships and love come with the good, the bad ,and the ugly and you can't pick and choose what you want to deal with. It's a packaged deal. I cried all weekend for him. I wanted more than anything to be with him and make it work but I knew. I always knew it was just another passing. He was a complete asshole and took pride in that shit. He was happy while I wondered why I was never good enough. He was out drinking with his friends while I lost sleep, lost the will to eat, and sat in my room and cried myself to sleep. How can someone be ok with hurting the person they love? Because it was never real. The love was fake, just like the person who said I NJ over and over and over. Do I hate him? Yes. Will I forgive him? No. You dont forgive the procks in your life. You ozu them to the side and move the fuck on.