|I am hurting because of him. I really am. My heart hurts everyday and I try to act like I am okay, but honestly, I'm not. i keep asking why? Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I worth it? Why couldn't he just see how much I was in love with him?
It isn't easy for me to love anyone. I have a hard time with and this time I thought it would be different. I let my guard down and allowed him to break me. I allowed myself to fall for his lies and in return I get to deal with pain. He never once introduced me to his friends nor to his family. He kept me hidden at all times. No, I'm not ugly or fat. I have plenty of men chasing me. He just kept me hidden. He never referred to me as his girlfriend when people called or asked about me, I was just some chick. He never put pictures of me or us on his social media, I was just some chick. The day i told him I was having a miscarriage things changed. He picked a fight and then blamed me for it. Not once did he ask if I was ok. Not once did he realize I had to let my body lost OUR baby and it was slowly killing me. No, I was just some chick. Some chick that has to deak with his aftermath of pain. Oh and let me tell you, the pain is unreal. I can't sleep, I can't eat, my anxiety level is through the roof and I can't calm it down. I am depressed I can feel it, but i wish he could feel it too. I would like for a chance to let him feel how I am feeling. So he can see what he did to me. So he will realize just how ugly this is.
How do you tell someone you love them, that they are always on your mind, that you can see yourself with them for the rest of your life, that they are your word, and just throw them away like they are a piece of garbage? How is that okay? What kind of monster do you have toi be to completely destroy someones outlook and love and happiness? There should be a special place in hell for these types of people.
I wanted to believe it was real. I did for a while. I thought I have finally found my happiness and my smile. Only it was all a lie. It was all a facade to make him feel better. Guys are dicks and that is the honest truth. Don't ruin a good person because you have to be a "player", don't break someone because you have commitment issues, don;t string someone along for your own entertainment. In all honesty dickhead, i hope the next girl you end up with fucks you up.
I am lost without him, I am sad he is gone, I am angry that he does't care, and I am hurt that I have to deal with it alone.
Forever is bullshit, love is bullshit.