| Are you married? I’m not talking to you women out there. I’m asking the man of the house. Do you have a wife?
If you do, then you know what I’m talking about. My wife thinks she is in charge. Hah! I’m bigger and stronger and smarter that she is. Well, it’s that last issue that we argue over. She thinks she is the only one who knows how things should work. She is always telling me what to do and how to do it. She just doesn’t understand the order of this arrangement.
Women do women things, but real men do the manly work - the heavy lifting, both figuratively and physically. Real men know how to get things done; they don’t need some woman ordering them around, reminding them that the electricity is still on when I open that box up to change a light fixture, or that the car is still in reverse when I start to pull out into traffic. Real men can figure these things out all by themselves. Sure, sometimes things go a little wrong, but real men can recover from those little accidents. Sometimes it just takes a while.
But these are just minor setbacks. No one was killed or lost a limb. That chainsaw blade missed me by a mile, and those were old shoes anyway. I’m glad to be rid of them. What? I’m still not hearing too well (damn, those things are loud). No, I wasn’t wearing ear protectors. Real men don’t worry about a little noise. I’m sure I’ll be good by tomorrow. What?
It’s really my back that’s killing me. “Don’t lift that by yourself!” she screamed. Give me a break. Real men can lift things no matter how heavy they are. You just have to use the right technique. I’ve had two hernias and, believe me, I know what I’m doing. Just stand back. Okay, so it doesn’t always work right. “How about a little hand here? Can you get this thing off me?”
I tell my wife time after time:
“Real men don’t need to read the instructions.”
“Real men don’t ask for directions.”
“Real men don’t let someone else help with the driving.”
“Real men don’t wear gloves.”
“Real men don’t wait for the pizza to cool down a little.”
"Real men don't ever need a doggie bag."
“Real men don’t have to think.”
And on and on... Sometimes it can be tough being a real man.
Okay, I’m exaggerating a little bit. But not that much. Just ask my wife. Real men don’t always get everything right, you know.
Just ask my wife.