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Rated: E · Short Story · Supernatural · #2176356
A running commentary in the First Person POV
“The smart thieves knew to stay away from Dragonfire City. The really good ones knew a trap when they saw one. Which one are you?”

Nothin’. Okay. “I guess I’m neither of those thin’s. Not smart or good. It was my first time in Dragonfire City. I had heard the rumors, but they were nothin’ compared to the real thin’. Gold and jewels just lyin’ around, along the streets and in the gutters, just layin’ there, right where any bloody fool could take them. For someone like me that was just way too much temptation. Is that what it was like for you?”

Still nothin’.

“It was the bait.”

Tough audience.

“They use the gold and jewels to catch fools like me. That’s how they decide who to feed to the dragons.”

Well, that just made it worse.

“And that’s how I come to be tied to this stake in the middle of this lovely town, covered in some kind of oil (which is apparently catnip for dragons), and waitin' for dinner time. Now let’s hear your story. How did you come to be here?”

Still nothin’.

“You are bein’ quite rude. You need to quit all that blubberin' for a moment and talk to me. Just because we’re goin’ to die doesn’t mean we should forgo all civilities.”

“I feel like I’m conversing with that post you’re tied to.”

Cry baby.

“I know it’s my own darn fault, but I can’t believe my mates didn’t at least come by to see me, not even a wave from afar. Nothin’.”

“Oh, wait, here they come now. I knew they couldn’t leave without a goodbye. What in the world are they runnin’ for. From the looks of the sun there should be plenty of time before the dinner bell. Unless…no…they wouldn’t.“

“Hey guys! I was gettin’ a bit worried that you wouldn’t…um, hey, what’s goin' on?...you know I’m still attached to that thin’ right!”

“Shut up, fool!”

“Um okay, but it’s a bit difficult to think being trussed up like a dinner goose and bein’ carried over hill and dale. It’s a bit bouncy.”

“I told you we should have left him!”

“Think of the money mate! Think of the money, we will gag him when we get to the ship!”

“Money? Are we gettin’ paid for this venture?”


“Wow, okay, it’s almost like you guys have been practicin’ sayin’ that all together or somethin’. So, what are YOU fellas bein’ paid for exactly?”

“To lure the dragons to a trap.”

“Do you think you could slow down? All this bouncin’ is givin’ me quite the headache.”

“How about we just leave you here?”

“Um, no, I’m good, it’s just a little headache. By trap, you mean like using bait?”


“You boys really need to stop doin’ that, it’s gettin’ kind of creepy. So, I’m the bait?”

“You and that other bloody fool!”

“What? Oh hey, they’re in front of us! How in tarnation did they get there?”

“He’s not talking them to death!”

Well, I don’t see how that’s possible. First off, that other guy don’t talk to anyone and second, you can’t actually talk someone to death. Oh, Lookey there, we are passin’ them up, now that’s more like it! “Hey…” Never mind, they just slowed down because they’re at their ship. Oh, whoa, now wait, oh ho, that had to hurt! “Hey guys did you see that?! They just harpooned that poor sap onto the ship! Seriously that had to hurt!” Oh wait. “Guys? Um Guys, you don’t want to do that, you really don’t, now waaaaiiiit…ow.”

I think the guys might be mad at me.

Now what? “Guys, um, Guys, what’s that noise?”

“That would be the dinner bell!”

What, no, that can’t be the dinner bell. It can’t be because that would mean…yup…there they are…dragons. “DRAGONS!”

“Shut up, fool! There are supposed to be dragons!”

Oh yeah.

I’m the bait.

Me and that other bloody fool.

Now let’s see. We have two ships and two dragons. My mates think they can outrun the dragons. They must have gotten paid a lot to think such a foolish thin’! My bet’s on the dragons. Unfortunately.

This is not goin’ to end well.

“Guys, um, guys, you need to stop this insanity right now before someone gets hurt!”


Yep, I can see that. “Yeah, but, Guys, really, this is a bad idea!”

“OW!” Kickin’ a guy when he is down is one thin’, kickin’ a guy when he is down AND tied up is really low.

If only I could jump overboard. The water might wash off this dang dragon-nip and then I could at least have a smidgen of a chance. Right now I’m either gonna drown when the Dragons sink the ship or I’m gonna be Dragon food.

“Say mate, could you untie me?”

“I’m busy!”

“I know, but it would only take a moment and then I could help you. PLEASE!”


I’m dead.

“Sweet Mermaids gold! Did you see the wing span on that thin’?!” The entire ship had to be in its shadow, that thin’ is huge! We are doomed.

Great, now they’re not even goin’ to answer me. Sure, ignore the dead guy.

It feels like the ship is goin’ to shake itself apart if we keep goin’ at this speed. They might as well just stop, those Dragons are just floatin’ around all lazy like up there, scopin’ out their dinners, watchin’ the silly humans run around like ants in a rain storm.

“Um, Guys…”



“Oh, hey, what’s goin’ on? Why is everybody yellin’?..be careful…slow down…watch where you’re goin’..tell me what’s happenin’..” Well…lookey there, one of the Dragons has his dinner. Wait just a minute, that’s not the cry baby, that’s…that’s the Captain of that other ship! Now why would that Dragon choose the Captain over a dragon-nipped morsel? If only I could figure that out…”Now what?...watch it!...Hey…”


That hurt worse than anythin’ I ever felt before. Good thin’ it doesn’t hurt anymore. Or is that a bad thin’? It’s good it doesn’t hurt, it’s bad ‘cause I think that means I’m dyin’. Plus side, I can see everythin’ from up here!

Whoa! Those ships look like piles of splintered wood floatin’ alon’! And, lookey, my mates are still alive and swimmin’ for shore! One of them is even pullin’ ol’ crybaby alon’ still tied to his post! I told them it was a bad idea!

Why in tarnation are these Dragons just circlin’ the wreckage anyway? Don’t they want to hurry on home with their meals while they’re still fresh and warm? Oh, wait. I think we need to circle some more.

Wait! Pull up! Pull up! Whoa….that is sooo…HOT! HOT! VERY HOT!


I’ve been goose-tied to a chunk of wood. Dipped in dragon-nip. Rescued. Sort of. Carried like a sack of taters. Harpooned onto a ship. Stepped on. Kicked. Ignored. Gored with a giant claw. And now, roasted like one of them marshmellers.

Maybe that’s why they were circlin’. They were waitin’ for all the puny humans to get out of the way so they could make bonfires to roast their supper.

The only good thin’ to come out of this day…I won’t be alive when it’s time to eat!
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