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Rated: E · Fiction · Holiday · #2176446
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“There…there’s someone in my house!”

“I’m sorry, sir, I can’t hear you very well. Can you repeat that?”

“There’s someone in my home! I need you to send some cops!”

“Sir, are you able to get out of the house?”

“I don’t think so. I’m hiding behind the Christmas tree. If I move, he’ll see me! He’ll know I’ve been bad and —“

“Sir, I need you to remain calm. We have a unit on the way.”

“I don’t believe this! He…he’s putting something in my stocking! I think it might be a bomb!”

“Don’t worry, sir, they should be there any moment. I’ll have a bomb squad sent, as well.”

“He’s got some gall!”

“What’s that, sir?”

“He’s eating my cookies!”

“Your cookies, sir?”

“They’re gluten free! Do you know how much gluten free cookies cost? Now he’s spitting them out in a giant red bag. At least he’s left my soy milk alone…”

“Do you hear the sirens, sir? The officers should be close to your location now.”

“No, all I hear is a strange jingling on the roof. Like bells …”

“Sir —“

“I think he’s spotted me! He…he’s running toward my chimney! Hey, you! Stop!

“Sir? Sir!

“He’s climbing up the darn chimney! He moves fast for a fat guy! Oh, I hear the sirens! Tell the cops the intruder is on the roof. He’s a big guy, wearing red. Long white beard and glasses. They better hurry up before he escapes!”

“Sir, you do realize prank calling 9-1-1 is a punishable offense…?”

“I’m not joking, he’s on my roof and … and he’s laughing! He’s…he’s yelling something. Sounds like … dash it all or dancing and prancing or —“

“Officers have arrived at your house, sir. They’ll take over from here.”

“Thank you so — hey, what are you guys doing? I’m not the intruder! The bombing cookie thief is on the roof! He’s on the roooooof!

Milk and Cookies
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