by Josh Craft
The American Dream Arcade is an analogous satire concerning the failure of many.
The American Dream Arcade, located on Carnegie Street and Rockefeller Avenue, welcomes all between the ages of 16 and 65! Our walls are lined with endless amounts of fun! Play our games, win tickets, and cash out on huge prizes ranging from 40 acres and a mule to mansions and sports cars to full-on, fulfilled retirement plans. To top it off, you get your prizes handed to you from Uncle Sam himself! Whoops! But don't forget about the taxes, for the more you win, the more you'll have to hand over for your wonderful prizes won. (Ask Martha Stewart about it!)
At the American Dream Arcade, our games provide the biggest rewards possible. Try one of our oldest games: The Corporate Ladder, in which you win big tickets if you climb to the top. However, be warned, for many try, many fail, and many face the harsh reality that they are doomed from the moment they put their coins in. But don't be discouraged, the American Dream's Minimum Wage Policy will make sure that you receive at least 22,000 tickets to cash out on small prizes such as government housing. As a last resort, you may even receive a tent and a shopping cart to help you join the closest homeless community to you!
We feature an all-inclusive policy, welcoming people of all creeds, religions, and races. In 2015, we even passed a bill allowing all sexual orientations to enter! We even accept most immigrants; however, we are selective with those from the Middle East and Mexico (We have had some problems with them in the past, those from the Middle East have previously destroyed some of our property and threatened arcade-goers and Mexicans tend to bring too many members of their family, filling up much of the space in the arcade). As an all-inclusive, 100% transparent company, we would like to be upfront with our customers, and so we would like you to know that the majority of those who win big tickets are generally Caucasian males. It isn't a matter of being better at the games: it's just that they tend to find the greatest luck in our arcade.
So come on down to the American Dream Arcade! Have a go climbing The Corporate Ladder, save as much as you can in 401k, and if all else fails, play our beginner game: Social Welfare. What are you waiting for? American Dream Arcade is open 24/7, 365 days a year. Capitalism awaits!