A dark experience that helped me find positive meaning on my spiritual journey.
|In seeking the source of where the sea begins, where the secret of how all things tie together is found, I have started to be granted glimmers of hope that this is not a journey that I will take in vain.-Me
It's not uncommon for me to ramble on about butterflies and how they appear at times when my emotions are most turbulent. These times have included raging fires of anger, the silent solitude of loneliness, times when disturbing inner voices of anxiety would not be silenced, surrounded by looming sadness of depression and strangely enough even when I was manically happy. At the deepest points of these emotions there would appear a lovely, delicate, wispy winged, brightly colored creature fluttering around me as if it held a message.
Explaining why this has meant so much to me or why it holds such strong symbolism of hope and has become such a dependable provision for peace of mind has been difficult.
Perhaps, based on a recent experience I can now better explain. Over a matter of a few weeks I experienced some health issues where one of the biggest challenges was the abrupt removal of a medication that was used to treat my depression. Along with several other very difficult events occurring simultaneously, my mind began to unravel. The darkness and pain swept around me like waves of a tempest sea. I felt the breath leaving me as my head and body began to submerge beneath the waters. I started to become comfortable with the dark silence.
Where was my hope? Butterflies aren't found beneath the waters nor are they found in a dark room of a house that was no longer my home, exactly where I was in that moment. Drowning in hopelessness and at the deepest darkest point of this experience, as I lay in bed, my gaze found the night table to the left of me and gazing back was a cross-eyed cat on the cover of a card that held the words inside "I love you so much I can't see straight". My content with the dark silence was no longer. Instead there was a renewed hope and the words dripped faintly, weakly from my mouth, I am strong and I am a fighter.
As part of gaining strength, I turned toward my spiritual journey. That day it was further fulfilling my curiosity about Celtic things, I came across their astrological chart. Each sign had several detailed aspects including a spirit animal. While the first focus was spent wandering to find my sign, couldn't help but take notice of a butterfly as I scrolled the page. I had to stop and read.
After reflection upon the date range of this sign, my mind was delightfully illuminated as the realization unfolded, this was my beautiful, blonde curled, blue-eyed, dimpled Olivia who loves to snuggle and sometimes has a serious face that slowly transforms to one lit brightly with her impish smile precedent to the beautiful words "I love you" accompanied by a magical hug that makes the worries of the world seem to melt away.
That card with the cross-eyed cat, the one that snatched me from the perilous waters held inside Olivia's signature with a little heart she had drawn beside it.
Yes, my butterfly was there again to remind me "of how truly good life can be." And most astounding of all, this particular butterfly exists in part because of me.
So, it will be easier the next time I share my experiences with butterflies and what it symbolizes. It's not the actual butterfly, but its energy and essence that brings hope and uplifts the spirit and rejuvenates the soul.
It's knowing that hope, health and most importantly love surrounds us. We must choose to keep our eyes open. Don't be lulled to sleep by negative energy. Awaken to the bright, beautiful light of the positive.