The down. Part 2
It’s darkness. Lonely and scary. Even at night, there is more light in the room than here.
I know this place. It is different. Light or dark. I love it when a light. When it's dark, I'm afraid. My friend too. He comes only when it the light. Darkness frightens him. It is cold. It is hiding something scary.
I hear him. He is near of me. He jumps. I do not breathe. I'm waiting.
Many times I saw him appearing. Just from the air. He jumps, bouncing off air. My friend doesn’t has shadow. Everyone has, but he does not.
I want to get him. I'm running. I pull. But I can not get him. But I am not upset with it. I know exactly: someday I will succeed. Then everything will be changed. But now it is not the time. I will feel when the time comes.
Mom is leaving. She tired and needs a rest. She will relax somewhere far away from us. Highly. We will live in three: dad, Serge and me. No one likes this. I feel it. Mom - because she will feel lonely at her holiday. And also, she will worry about me. Serge - because he will have to carry about me instead of mom. Dad - because he is afraid. Afraid. But, I just can not understand what can made my dad afraid?
Probably I am only happy. I'm happy for mom. Yes, really! She will be far-far away from this place. So far that it is impossible to see even from the upper circle of our house! And also, Olya rejoices with me. She knows that mom almost never goes anywhere. She is so glad that mom finally decided to take a little rest.
These men are incredible strange. They say one thing, but always follow the absolutely another way. Serge with his father fly to the resort at least three times per year. They only speak about the need of good rest. Ms.Julia goes to real holiday at the first time for last several years, and what? Serge with father are angry like devils! Of course they try not to show it, but they both are awful comedians.
Yes, the disease is very bad. Yes, it is necessary to be treated. Seven days will not solve anything. Nothing at all. But ms.Julia will relax and, maybe, get some courage at least. Who knows, maybe it will be much effective than all of these procedures in the hospital. I’m trying to explain all of this to Serge but it seems like time wasting. Feeling that I’m trying to speak with the wall. The effect is the same at least.
Serge’s brother is wonderful. His name is Kostya. Guy with the Down’s syndrome. He is noisy and so funny! At first we were little bit afraid of each other. Nowadays we are friends. He really likes when I’m coming. Runs, meets me as soon as I appear. And I know why Serge and mr.Boris are so embittered. They do not want to carry about Kostya. They got used to, that Julia Dmitrievna is engaged in it, but now she is going to the resort. Serge and mr.Boris just do not know what to do with Kostya.
You can go, ms.Julia, I will carry about Kostya and, if possible, about mr.Boris and Serge. It is not difficult for me. Totally. Especially taking into account the fact that Kostya is really alive, not like his elder brother. I find unexpectedly that it is much more harder to be with Serge than with Kostya. Fly, ms.Julia. Do not worry about anything. Everything will be OK.
I was sure that the whole world can be seen from our balcony. I tell the truth! Playground, where my mom and I spend time every day. Shop with playing area. The clinic, where that bearded uncle is leaving. Can not see only the granny's house. But this is simply because it is low. Lower than the trees in the park.
I saw her house only a few times. Long time ago, when dad was returning from work not late at night, as now, but in the afternoon. We caught the train and went to the village to see our granny. Then I realized: I love trains. They are so cool! Small cabins, sofas, tea. In the next compartment there are always two or three children with whom you can have a great time! We play toys, look out the window, or simply run along the corridor. And also, I like to look in the next compartment. I wonder what's behind the door. It is like a magical world. In each compartment - some people. Each compartment has its own secret. Just for some reason many people does not like when I looked into their world.
If there are no children in the train, it’s also not bad. My mom always had a coloring book for me or another amazing thing. She is always ready to play with me. She, probably, is also sad when there is nobody to play with her.
And also, it's so cool to play hidding till you are in a train! Just close your eyes for a little bit. Open its and find that the tree or the lake, which was visible from the window several seconds ago, were hided. Instead of it, - something else. What exactly? I must guess myself. If I guess I will won. If not – I will lost. And you can just sit and look out the window. This is so great too!
Long time ago we travelled often. Very often. Now we do not travel at all.
A trip to the airport for me is the first trip to another world. World that can not be seen from the balcony. But I did not like it. Absolutely.
At first we were going for a long, long time. Mom was packing a suitcase. Dad was angry and walked from room to room. Serge tried to help mom. And I interfered to each of them. But I just wanted to help my mom! I thought she would be bored without lotto. We used to play this game with her so often! I just poured all the barrels of numbers into mom’s suitcase. I wanted to do a surprise! Really! But mom didn't like it. Probably because without me she would have no one to play with. She just shook our barrels out of the suitcase.
Then I saw a vase with raspberry jam on the table. My favorite! There was no spoon in the vase. But it's not scary. Raspberry jam is so delicious without it. But I have to treat my mom. She was terribly preoccupied in the morning. I scooped it into the palm of my hand and carried the jam to mom. She was busy and did not saw my gift. Then I tapped her on shoulder.
After that, dad locked me in my room. But it's not my fault that the jam is so sticky and red! Why dad decided that I was in blame?
Then we went by car for a long, long time. We started from our home. But it took so much time to get the nearest store! My mom and I get it much more faster quickly when we were on foot. You could not even to count three times to twenty! By car, it took us much more time! I counted to twenty, then again. And further. And so many, many times. And the store still did not want to get closer! Then we drove along the avenue for a long, long time. Pedestrians on the sidewalk went faster than we were. They seemed to laugh about us. It was the truth! We caught up with one of them several times. It seemed: a little more and we will overtake him. But no! Every time he overtook us. And so on and on. I am tired of this. I leaned against the glass and began to wait. As soon as we caught up with him again, I shouted:
-Hey, you! Why are you running away from us?
Instead of answering, he just looked at me cheekily and went even faster.
-Stay up! I want you to answer me! - but all in vain. This guy in a plaid coat did not even look at me.
-Why do you look like a compass? You're as long and skinny as it is! - I shouted again. I wanted to add that we will overtake him anyway, but dad stopped me. He looked at me by so way that I was afraid. I was scared. True! Dad has never looked at me like that. I was very scared. And I stopped looking out the window.
All the way I looked at my feet. Then I got bored, and I called my friend.
It was a long and boring trip. Why did I agree to go by car? The metro is nearby, and to the Domodedovo express train runs every half an hour. But we called the taxi and now had to sit in silence just because of bad mood of my husband. How long it is going to be pass? Moscow traffic jams are the worst thing I ever met. Maybe only because of my husband’s whimsicality we did not go by underground. I could not get used to these eternal traffic jams still, although I should have already.
All discouraged me from this trip. Boris, doctor, nurse. All insisted on intensive treatment. And I… At first I, of course, decided that I should follow all these suggestions. And then ... I realized that for seven years I had not had any rest! Even outside the city really did not go. If only… If only to the recreation center and only at the New Year. Seven years! Since the time where Boris got the position of director! I didn’t even want to think about this topic from that moment. I just understood: I must go. The week will not affect anything. But I'll rest, gain strength. Who knows, maybe the doctors were wrong?
But now, being in this traffic jam in a car, I began to doubt; if that was the right decision? Who will carry about Kostya all the time I’am going to be absent? Boris, Serge? Hardly ever. They are egoists. Just because I am a wife and a mother I had to confirm it. They are always In Very Important Businesses, but in my opinion they just running of some uncertainty. They prefer to be in clear and simple world: education, career making, top positions… Maybe, family, but just for sex. But this is so stupid! Do they not understand that there will always be a lot of The Very Important Things, and there is always not enough time for living. That's life unfortunately. It is really good that Serge met Olga. Very nice girl. Live, happy, and very clear. Serge is hardworker, but not because he is. He has not enough drive in a soul. He tried to replace it by his continuous running. And she... She just running through the life, taking rest only in the light sides. What they different are!
I like Olya. She has enough time for everything: to studying, working, having a fun, spending time with Sergey, carrying about Kostya. She volunteered to help my men till I would be gone. She is wonderful girl! Probably because I was thinking about the only good things, memories suddenly washed over me again.
In his crib Kostya seemed so tiny! Wrapped in diapers so that only his eyes were visible, he looked into this world. I always remembered those wide-open brown, brown eyes. He had smiled first just only after six months. I sang to him some old lullaby and felt asleep. Not for long time. The first thing I had saw when I woke up was Kostya’s smile. He understood everything. He looked at me and smiled: "Mom, and I saw everything". It was so pity that my husband did not see it. However, it is unlikely would touch him. Since we took Kostya from the hospital, he was not himself. Boris was not happy with my decision. He did not want even to speak with me. But if he would know how I was needed the support that time!
But my mother started doing by the another way. She took all her courage in fist and started all the possible activities. She pull up herself, even got younger. The only person who was willing to help me that time. Supporting, cheering. It was thanks only for her efforts the ice of relationship with Boric was broken. He became a human again. He understood that Kostya was his son. The part of him. However, sometimes it seems to me that Boris would never get used to the idea that one of his sons was down.
We have not seen my mother for seven years. Only postcards and telephoning. Now it is very hard for me without her support. But God sent me Olya. She helped me to decide myself for this journey. She promised that she would carry about my guys all this time. Very, very bright girl. And also - very brave. The same as my mom.
- What was the journey! It took us even five hours to reach Domodedovo. Wow! - the first thing I have heard when my friend left.
I opened my eyes. As far as I understood we went out of Moscow. Far away. I have never seen such places before. There were many, many cars. And there were no high houses. And planes flied here! I have seen them in pictures before, but then I didn’t like its. So small! How it is possible to travel inside of them? Now I saw: its real.
Planes were taking off noisily. Then its importantly turned in air and disappeared in the clouds. One. Another one. One more. I followed each of them by my eyes. I was terribly curious how they are held in the emptiness itself. When we go by car, there is a road under wheels. When we walk down at the street – there is a sidewalk. But what's on the bottom of the plane? Why is he hanging in the air? Why does not fall down? For me, this is a some kind mystery.
Once upon a time, my mom told me about the way of birds flying. Birds just flap by their wings. But planes don't flap by their wings. So why are its kept in the air? I am ready to look at them again and again. But then my dad takes my hand, and we go inside the glass building.
I love it when somebody leads me by the hand. Very like. I can look around and not be afraid that I’d get lost. I always wonder what is happening around. Especially in new places.
There are many, many people in the glass building. And it is very noisy there. Everyone goes with huge carts. Almost like in a big store. Only instead of packages there are suitcases. And all the people give its to aunts at the box offices, and after it go somewhere. Probably this is – some kind of Rite. It seems, the Rite is very serious; even mom goes through it. But first, she looks at the big blue screen with small figures for a long time. Then she silently looks at me, then at dad, then at Serge. She wants to say something. I feel it! But mom is just silent. Then she hugs dad, kisses me and Serge. She smiles, but this is not a real smile.
-I'll be back soon! Do not miss without me - it seems to me that she is about to cry.
-We are waiting for you, Yulia, - papa says somehow embarrassed.
-Come back, - Serge waves by hand.
Mom turns around and goes to the box office. She gives up her suitcase, gets instead some piece of paper and goes up the stairs. We still stand in front of the building for a long time. Now there are already three: me, dad and Serge - we see of every plane that rises into the air. Only now I understood why dad and Serge are so confused. They know that mom will have to fly inside the plane. That will hang in the air which is by unknown way. I get scared too. Not for myself. Not. I'm not scared for myself. Not at all. I'll go home in the car that will be held on by the road. I scared for mom. What if something spoils at the top? If this invisible thread will break suddenly. What is gonna be in with the plane?
Now we live in a threesome. Dad, Serge and me. Sere is incredible happy. He passed the session ahead of time successfully. It seems to me that this is something very serious, since he is so encouraged. Now he has a vacation, and he can pay attention to me. Great! I will also pass the session sometime. I will be encouraged too and will definitely play with Serge. And also, I will have a vacation! I don't know what it is, but I like the word: va-ca-ti-on. And I also like the fact that Serge has more free time now. He spent his time with Olga much more often now. Due to it they played more with me. The session is great thing probably. Just how to understand that the time has come? And how do you know that you had passed it? What is gonna be if I will miss this time? I am tormented by these questions. I am afraid that everybody will forget about me and not warn me in advance.
-When will I pass through the session? - I ask my brother.
-Kostya, do not bother me, I'm busy! - Serge does not want to reveal this secret to me. He is busy. He is driving a car around the computer screen. No, not the same as dad has. Not real because this is just a game. But, he is terribly interested in driving.
This car on the screen is another mystery for me. I still can not understand where it itself. The monitor is incredible narrow. Even more thinner than a book. Where is there car hidden?
It was the same mystery for me some time ago: was happens inside of TV? How do uncles and aunts, houses, cars, whole cities got into it? TV is so tiny! I was so curios with this. But my mom told me once that everything that I see in TV is not real. It's just a lot of pictures that quickly replace each other. Like photos. You can watch the same movie many times, but nothing will change in it. Everything will be exactly like at the first time.
But why are there always different pictures in the computer? And why does they managed by Serge. If is he a wizard? I asked him about it, but he does not want to answer me. He is too busy. I just sit next to him looking at the monitor. What if I can understand this magic? Serge did not play long. He probably saw me sitting next to him.
-Want to try? - he nodded to me.
-Of course! - I did not believe this miracle. Serge almost never plays with cars. Almost every time he sits and quickly clicks on the keyboard. He writes something. Or read. Everyday. Till evening. And then goes to work or to trainings.
I quickly sit down at the computer.
-Look, Kostya, - Serge begins to explain to me, - with these keys you will control the machine: turn left, right, forward or, if need, stop. That is everything you have to know now. And – also: you have to overtake all the other cars and not to boke yours one. Understood? Then - start! - he presses some button, and the picture became alive.
At the very beginning I drove terribly. The car did not want to obey me. It tried to get off the road. But why? It obeyed to Serge. Me - no. At the first time – especially. Then I learned to press the buttons correctly. It was so easy! Here, I even overtake one car. Then - another. I forgot about everything. I drove by car! I did not even notice how Olya came.
I love much when she comes! Every time it means that we will go somewhere. We will play, watch different pictures, or just will be walking down streets. I love walking streets. Especially with Olya. She knows so many interesting places! And also, she is so funny! She always smiles and laughs often. She loves to walk with me. Serge - no. Serge likes to write something on the monitor. Or, very rarely, control cars. When he stays with me for a long time, he often just takes me to the balcony. But I do not want to go the upper circle, I want to go to the game place outside the flat. But Serge does not understand this. He is always busy. Olya - never. She always has time for walking. Like now. She even looks like my mom!
Today she came up with something interesting again. She has a strange thing on her shoulder. Round on one side and elongated on the other. As a frying pan, only in the case. I am terribly curious to know what it is. I walk over to Olya and look around at these strange things.
-Do you wonder what it is? - Olya looks at me. - This is badminton racket. They play badminton. We will give you try too, - Olya smiles at me.
-Just a little more, and I will begin to be jealous of you, - Serge says displeased.
-Sergey, sometimes you are terrible sickener. Are you sorry about the time, spent for your brother? Or are you afraid that I will leave you with Kostya and you will be alone?
Serge somehow snorts in response.
We are again in the elevator. I look around. I am frightened. I do not like this place. I am waiting for the moment of door opening. I want to get out. Olya sees me scared. But she does not understand what.
-Kostya, are you such a little coward? Why are you afraid of the elevator? It's not scary at all.
She does not understand. And no one understands me. Even mom. Olya also did not understand although she feels more than anyone else.
Sunny day! I love these ones. Especially when it's warm and you can wear a t-shirt. I usually immediately run into the sandbox. But not today. I am terribly curious about what badminton is. I look at Olga with Serge. They pull out the racket out if the case. Then stand on different sides of the grid. They begin to throw each other a little white thing. I look after them. They are really happy. I so rarely see Serge laughing. I understand what you need to cheer up mom. Not lotto. Not! Not even hockey! Two badminton racket and this white thing that flies so great from Serge to Olga. Mom probably doesn’t know about the badminton. When she will try it, she will carefree and joyful again!
Serge’s phone rang. He stopped and walked away. Probably there is someone very important. It cannot be otherwise. Otherwise, what could distract him from this magic game? I stand and look at the rocket. I also want to be happy. I also want to take part in badminton play. Olya sees it. She takes Serge’s racket and stretches it to me.
-Kostya, will you try?
I happily grab the racket handle.
-Not this way. Don't grab it, - she laughs.
I guess I did something wrong. Olya is laughing from this. But I like when she laughs. She does it kindly. Sergei - no. He likes it when people are in pain. He loves these bad comedies. There, people fall, beat each other. I feel sorry for them, and Serge makes it laugh. Probably, Olya would not laugh too from these movies. She would feel sorry for these people who are in pain too.
Olya teaches me how to properly hold the racket. She teaches to beat the shuttlecock. At first I can't do it at all. I can't get a racket on this white thing. It goes near from me. But here, I did it! I put back the shuttlecock! Then again. Frankly speaking, it still strives to fly off to one side. Not where Olya is. It took quite a bit of time and we are already so cool throwing shuttle to each other!
Serge does not like this. I see. He is unhappy. But I take the racket not for forever. I will play a little bit and then will return it to my brother.
Bobble is the unique talent. Whenever he calls me - always the wrongest time. This is his damned gift! And now, is the same. Only Olga and I were playing out, the devil called him to disturb me! It would not be so pity if the reason would some real reason! But, - no. Bobble is so brilliance. He just need consultation about the examination. I passed the session ahead of time and he would ask me about the procedure. Who were in the commission, what kind of question and the same garbage! Bobble, you will go in a general way. Why do you ask me these stupid questions now? Especially you had a chance to go with me, but prefer to avoid this chance. How can I help you now? Bye!
While I was speaking with this loser, Kostya took my place. What is this damned surprise? I see Olga likes to play with my brother. With down. What the hell? She came to me, and it means, she should play with me!
I stand up and went to the playing area. I will take away the racket from our down, and will play with Olga again. It will be a real game but not this throwing the shuttlecock from side to side. I will stop this damned fun!
I had already moved to my brother, but stopped suddenly. God knows what is it! I can not stop this damned game! I look at him and see: there is no more joy for my brother! Running from one side to another and bit this damned shuttlecock from time to time. I felt ashamed from my intention. Frankly speaking; even uncomfortable. And to hell with him! Let Kostya run. I'm OK anyway. Just will sit and relax in shadow area. It is only pity that I did not guess to take laptop with me. But… But I’m OK anyway. Sometimes it is good idea just sitting under the heaven and doing nothing.
Serge is going to have dating with Olya today. He was waiting until dad comes home. Then he took a bouquet and leaves. Till the morning.
He bought flowers in advance. Put it in a vase. A huge bouquet of roses. It is The Rite: to gift bouquets. But why do you need to buy cut flowers? What is the use of its? It are dead. This bouquet will stand a week, and then it will be thrown out. At mom’s birthday dad always brings the same flowers. Every time it stands in hall during a week. Every time dad throws it out because of flowers starts to live petals. I can not understand it. Because of it is just the Rite.
I remember in a huge store I saw a green corner. There, in vases there were flowers and trees. Red, white, yellow. I could never even imagine most of its! Long, as in the ‘Jungle book’ cartoon. Spiky, like hedgehogs. Tiny trees. I looked at each of them. It was so interesting for me to came to each flower, to look at it closely, even smell some of it! Mom and me were there for a long, long time. Finally mom had bought a small vase with a tree. Live tree! Only very small. It was a long time ago, but the tree still grows on the windowsill. I come to look at him every day. I want to see when it start growing. Same as the trees in the cartoon. But it continues to be small. But I am glad for this three. Much more than for flowers in a bouquets. Probably, giving dead flowers is The adult Rite. The Rite I will never understand.
Dad comes. Tired. Exhausted. Serge silently takes the flowers and leaves. We stay together. Dad and me. Dad loves to talk about work. Very much. Every evening. While mom is preparing dinner. Dad sits down and talks about work for a long, long time. Mom is listening. She probably likes to listen all dad says. Every evening she listens to him. I find it difficult to understand the meaning. Most of adults speak their own language: increase, dismissal, sales, revenue. I guess I'll learn to speak this language someday too.
Daddy terribly dislikes some mister Stupid. This mister Stupid can not understand something. But why it his blame? Why didn’t just to explain this “something”. I also often do not understand something. But I do not blame for it. Mom explains everything to me till it becomes clear. Maybe dad should try? Maybe mister Stupid will understand everything? And dad is angry with some Firsov. He sick very often. But why dad angry about it? He should be sorry.
When I am sick, mom gives me medicines and various jams. If not jams, I would be afraid to be sick. The drugs are so bitter and nasty. And the needles and mustard plasters are so scary! But mom regrets me, and I'm recovering. Probably, Firsov lacks of pity, that's why he gets sick. I want to talk about all this to dad. Highly. But still, he will not understand me. I just sit at the table and silently look at my dad.
Dad doesn't like it. He rings by dishes and rattles the doors of the lockers. He wants to say something. Not! He needs to say something. I feel. But dad is silent. But I know: he will speak. He can not keep silence. Talking about work at the evenings is his Rite.
Usually I was met by Julia at evenings. It is so important to talk with somebody who is really close to you. About work, what else? Let brainless grandmas wasting their time in the fucking fool disputes about nothing. They remember how they used to live well many-many years ago. It were the times when sausages were tastier, and milk was more milkfull, and people were more human. What’s a nonsense! "Before" is gone. It is closed. It passed and the best idea is to forget about it. Forever! But no! They are scratching their tongues. I would like have their problems instead of mine!
At work, you have to think at least three times before of any words saying. “Everything you say can be used against of you!”. This is about our office. Around me are bastards only. The same Sergeev! The scoundrel. He came to us, already when it became clear: the office is developing. Now he is my deputy. I started with this office from the very beginning and did not leave still. I remember the time when it seemed: firm will not alive. But – not. We found the ways to get our goals. And when it is absolutely clear: firm will meet great times, Sergeev come. The scoundrel!
-This young specialist has a very rich experience in the organization of distribution channels. All projects that he led were brilliantly implemented! – owner sad.
But I look at this specialist and see the rat. Some kind of shaggy, hair back licked, nose is sharp. Well, just a rat. The glasses are still, in a golden frame - very thin. He corrects its permanently, wipes. Greenhorn! And he was recommended to me by Sergeev. How he is going to be my deputy! I’ll not delegate to this greenhorn even the easiest negotiations! Just because of his appearance! Who will take him as a serious man if he is – a rat?! Any kind of negotiations with him it is an absolutely fail!
Then he spoke the same words I thousand times red in marketing textbooks.
-Market share of the company...
I spat on your fucking words! Its are empty from the very beginning till the very end! Now we need the absolutely new approach but not all your quotes. I did not still find it yet. Maybe, you will, the rat!
-...which means that the growth in the sales volume of our company is below the market average...
What I hear! "Our company". This greenhorn already taken to the state bypassing me. Wonderful. Well, let’s see your qualification the rat institute!
-The next step should be the development of a general marketing strategy for product promotion and the creating of a strong brand in the building materials market, understandable both to ordinary consumers and to construction companies that are regular large customers...
What’s the hell! We just have made the greatest discovery! Just for your understanding, the rat, I have been fighting for a year just for create this fucking brand. Do you know the fucking price for this kind of damned work was providing?! And, for your information the rat, I don’t want to hear about the one-day-living firms, which only give promises but doing nothing at all!!! What do you know about the "simple consumers"? Did you spend a weeks in a building markets only for speaking with each of them?! I spent!!! Personally! And, I will tell to you by a great secret: they did not provide a big volume as it is requested by shareholders. Perspective? Of course! Maybe. After several years of the fucking hardworking. It is a real suicide to be oriented on the issues you mentioned!
You’ve taken into the stuff and from the first day started to teach you how to work right. Fucking greenhorn! The rat!!!
But his words are excellent. I can not speak this by way. Speaking is a brilliance. So brilliance that already nasty. Where is the damned plant of such rates production?! Where is this fucking conveyer for losers providing?!
I’m the old wolf, and see clearly. He can't do any damn thing! Nothing. Only the excellent words. Time will show your real value, the fucking rat.
I have to listen this fucking garbage almost an hour. Hour! I was ready to kill this rate right in the office. But mister Stupid was all ears. With shining eyes. And the rat, is no fool. Understood that hit the nail with his songs about the brands and the other garbage.
Bastard! And the fucking Firsov, and the mister Stupid. All around me – only the bastards! But I still have pull in this damned office. You all sure that I bite off more than I can chew! But I will not allow you to push me from my place, bastards!
I just now realized that all this is no longer thoughts in my head. All this I say out loudly. Told it to my down son. And… I’m already almost screaming. And he... What is he? He sits and just listens. Only looking at me strange somehow.
Of course I stopped. I shut up myself… But despite of he doesn’t understood any thing I spoke… I feel much more better. Thank you, Kostya, that you are here. I even spoke out. Thank you, son.
Dad had to speak. It is – his Rite. And he spoke. Many, long and incomprehensible. He kept scolding the naughty words of his mister Stuped. Then – The Rat and many-many people. Everybody wants to get daddy’s place. But how is it possible? How the mister Stupid can be my dad? I even don't know what kind of this uncle is. And mom is hardly ever agree it. If suddenly it would appear that he does not like to talk about work in the evenings? With whom is my mom going to be talking?
But dad shouted and shouted. And then I understood that it is just The Rite. Dad will not allow to anybody to be my father instead of him. I understood it and became calm. But dad was needed to speak. He spoke and he feels more and more better.
Mom never shouted and did not say any bad words. Sometimes she, of course, felt bad. Sometimes. Then she began to play with me. In lotto, ball, coloring. Sometimes we watched cartoons. And my mom started to be better.
Serge is also sometimes felt bad. He very often comes home tired. Often - upset with something. At that moments, he got a hockey from under the couch and called me. We started playing the game.
I love real hockey. But, frankly speaking, I can not stand on skates. I could not, although Mom and Serge have been trying to teach me for a long time.
For playing our hockey, it is not necessary to be able to skate. All that is needed here is to quickly control the iron players. I play this game well! From early childhood! That time there was no computer in our flat. And we lived in another apartments. Dad was returning from his job not very late and there was no mister Stupid. That time we often make competitions. The real hockey competition!
We took turns playing with each other. Dad with me, mom - with Serge. Then we changed and played again. It is few who was able to beat me. I always came out the winner. Now we do not arrange such competitions. Now we play only together with Serge. But till this moment he extremely rarely can outplay me. No matter how the game ends, the brother always has a good mood. No matter how it was before. Maybe dad should try too? Maybe he will be better?
I get up and run to Serge’s room. I take out our game and carry it to the kitchen. I put it on the table. Dad does not understand what I want from him. He just looks at me surprisingly.
-Play with me! You will like it! Serge always plays when he feels bad. And then he starts feeling more better. True! - but dad can not understand. He just looks at me, then at hockey. He probably does not remember how to manage the players. He needs to be shown! I'm starting to pull the handles. Players start moving.
Dad understood what I want from him! He, too, begins to control the players. At first reluctantly; he does not want to show that he does not remember how to play this game. Then everything became more alive. He loses to me, but it doesn't matter. Totally. He plays. He is having fun. He smiles. Recently, he did it so rarely! But now – he is smiling and this is not just The Rite!
Please see at this! I'm speaking about the work… I’m… I’m trying to explain how it is difficult to carry about all my family. But what about my son? Sat silently and, then hockey board game brought and set on the kitchen table. He wants to play. He does not understand I had tried to talk to him. Egoist! Sits and looks at me. And I - at him. I'm not going to play children's toys. I'm already forty-five man. I’m the top-manager at last! But he doesn’t want to understand it! Just wants to play!
Come on and handle pens. Let's play this game on the table. The table, by the way, is lacquered. OK. OK. Today I’m the fucking nurse to you. Let’s play your damned hockey.
I remembered suddenly our old family table hockey championships. I really do not know why it is. Many-many years ago we bought this game in the store. Than time it was the great rarity. And, by the way, there was a lot of free time. We played this game all together. The championships were arranged. Now there is no time for such trifles. There are more fucking important things.
Why did I remember it? I don’t know. But I really understood one thing: I really want to play now! Forgot about all the things which upset me and just enjoy. Really! I suddenly was surprised how little is to be needed to be happy! I sit at the table and start managing the players. At first hesitantly: he did not play hockey for a hundred years. Then everything is more and more better! How smart is Kostya! It is impossible to overplay him! Then I forgot about everything: about work, about all my problems and the other issues. I was just chasing hockey with my youngest son. Just happy. Just been myself!
We ruined this damned lacquered table, of course. And to hell with him! Anyway, neither me nor Yulia liked it. Rather, buy a new one.