...what to write? ...what to write?
| I’m a big reader. Read all the time – drives my wife nuts. Nothing I like better than to wander through a bookstore or library and go home with a pile of books. But what I always wanted to do was write my own book. But, of course, if you have ever attempted to do that you know it is a lot harder than it sounds.
First decision: fiction or non-fiction. Actually, it’s an easy choice. In order to write non-fiction you have to know something, so that eliminates that option for me immediately. I know nothing about nothing. I have absolutely no skills or special knowledge about anything.
So that leaves fiction. Sounds easy, right? Just tell a story, make up a tale. But you still have to know what you are talking about, don’t you. Even with fiction most authors have some kind of experience or background that they can draw on. I like to read crime novels, but what do I know about committing crimes or solving them? Ex-cops write crime novels; ex-lawyers write crime novels; ex-cons write crime novels. I’m none of the above so that’s not going to work.
I’ve been on a horse twice in my life and the last time was at Disney World, so I guess that leaves out westerns. (Besides, who reads westerns anymore?) And I'm still using a hand-me-down flip phone so Sci-Fi will not fly.
What does that leave? Romance novels? Not bloody likely. Adventure novels? The most adventurous thing that I did in the past year is use an extension ladder to do some home painting and that went badly. Very badly. So maybe I could do an autobiography. I could write about my ladder experience and the ongoing recovery. But who on earth would want to read a book about that? Moaning and whining, whining and moaning. I would burn the book myself after the first page.
Maybe some kind of fictitious, humorous novel based on my life experiences. Sure, things always look a little better when you go back and change the who, when, where and what happened.
So I tried it. I began a novel about my life as a part-owner of a funeral home. Okay, I never really worked in a funeral home, but I did live next to one for a couple of years. Well, that has to count for something. And I have visited one from time to time, you know, when someone died. But the potential for humor is immense, right?
One major hang-up – I can’t do dialogue. No matter how hard I try, I can’t come up with things for the characters to say. (At least in a funeral home not everyone talks.) Do you know what it would be like to read a whole novel without any dialogue? It would be like watching a movie with the MUTE button on. Enough said.
Hey, maybe I could write greeting cards. Brief ones. You know, like GET WELL... SOON