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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2181215
by Norman
Rated: E · Article · Entertainment · #2181215
How many things in life are free?
         They say you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Free is free, right? Take what you can get when you can get it. After all, how many things in life are free? I can’t think of too many. Every now and then we get that free newspaper that is usually sitting in a puddle at the bottom of our driveway, but we called and asked them to stop doing that. Who needs to announce to the world that we aren’t at home or are just too lazy to pick it up?

         But there’s a sign down the road, FREE MANURE. Well, as I said, free is free, but do I really want some of this manure? But you know, it got me to thinking. How much manure do they have if they are giving it away for free? And what exactly is the going rate for manure these days, anyway? Is this a bargain or am I just doing them a favor by carting it away? (I’ll have to look horse manure up on the commodities exchange.) And what are they going to do with all that manure if no one wants it? Fodder for thought…

         So what’s the last thing you got for free? A lot of things come with the claim of being free, but you know you are paying for it one way or another. It might not show up on the receipt, but the final cost might as well have an asterisk next to it.

         My wife commented the other day about our cable bill and asked, “Remember when we got TV for free?” Well I’ve reached that age where my long-term memory is pretty good, even though I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning (and we only have two kinds of cereal), so I said, “I do.” But I also remember that we only got about five channels, and two of them were fuzzy. OK, maybe my memory is a little fuzzy too, long-term or not, but I know we now get a gazzilion channels from our cable. Even if we only watch about five of them. And cable is far from free.

         So I’m still thinking about making off with this free manure. But what will I do with it? They say manure is good fertilizer and will really help your garden grow, but I don’t have a garden. And even if I did, would I really want my garden, my vegetables, and probably my whole house smelling like horse manure? (I assume they mean horse manure – is there any other kind?)

         The only thing I can think of that is given away for free all the time is advice. And, sure enough, the advice that people are offering often has a lot in common with manure. Not only are people willing to give it away for free to complete strangers, but it usually stinks, and you can probably get by just fine without it since, after all, it very likely came from a horse’s ass. Unless, of course, the advice offered is to give a pass on that free manure.

         So, as enticing as free manure may sound, take my advice. Hold your nose and pass it by.
© Copyright 2019 Norman (jimmynee at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2181215