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Rated: E · Monologue · Biographical · #2181216
For many years I have suffered. Even being the unyielding ally of justice gives no reward.
For basically all of my life, I have been alone. There is something that causes people to not devote themselves to me or be sincerely interested in me... And yet many people praise me and say that they recognize some of my special power. With very little human contact, it has been harder to fix my friend situation. Even understanding everyone's emotions most of the time doesn't help with my inability to deal with emotions due to lack of practice and foundation.

Well, that isn't the only thing that holds me back. My parents have broken my trust many times and they crippled me. They expect me to ask them for things all the same even though they don't seem capable of truly apologizing for the emotional scars they have given me. It has been a hard fight to even create a tolerable living situation with them. I feel little attachment with my parents, as if they weren't related to me, but at the same time, I can at least have a little respect for them that isn't true of almost anyone else....

Everyone has failed me. They talk positively toward me all of the time but they never care about my wellbeing. They all ask stock questions no matter how many times they see me. Nobody triest to treat me in regards to me, not even my parents. My parents haven't bothered to learn anything about me.... The only person I can trust is my sister, but she still has been unreliable.

Because I was not destined for higher education by the sake of principle and duty to expose injustice, I have even less foundation for support. I could have taken the easy path, but I would have been so bitter and angry that I don't think anything good would have come of it. Yet people would call me a failure, especially my parents. They are monsters.... They don't care about me even when they try to love me.

I am the wisest person you will ever meet, but no one has really met me so far besides my sister and she still doesn't know many things about me. The reason why I am so alone is paradoxically the very reason why I chose to go a different path of everyone else. Everyone is taking the wrong path except for me. They all forget how things used to be better and they create complications for themselves when doing something simpler would yield far more benefits, if only they have the bravery to do things differently....

I have been caged for many years and yet through the Internet, I am actually far more socially competent than I was before. Yet my parents still are very condescending when it comes to how they forced me to live in my room. They still think I need to go outside for no reason at all. There is nothing I can do in my area and nobody is there to guide me to private events. They are never home and yet they act like I am so privileged to have them around. There is no sense of stability here and instead the empty house is the most cold, oppressing pressure that few people would likely be able to withstand besides me. It is probably almost as bad as solitary confinement here....

The world's problems could all be solved so simply and I have just about every answer. One very simple thing people could do is go to the bathroom outside more, as Nature intended. We caused global warming by removing ourselves from the circle of life as much as possible. All that is really necessary for re-connection is giving the soil nutrients without wasting all of the electricity, water and materials used to process it out in a sewer treatment plant..

Additionally, farming is a very fun and intellectual art. It is more scientific and fundamental than rocket science and yet people fear it more than anything.. They never think about how it could be innovated on or how it can be the key to reducing pollution tremendously. They think it is automatically hard work, but that's only what our current professionals force us to think. You don't have to go hard and fast, Nature is a natural pace and with enoughg skill, you may not have to expend much effort to get any farming done... Instead of discovering the best techniques, most people will just label it as hard and old-fashioned which makes it forbidden in this fast paced thoughtless world.

We need to get rid of motorvehicles and shipping trucks, most electronics.... We should be able to live in communities that use the land. It would be the only way to survive without causing global warming. But the fact that such things were never thought about for hundreds of years of industrialization.... We are already too late. The climates are rapidly changing and it seems that an apocalypse could strike in a few decades.

I had decided from a young age to fight for the health of the Earth, but everyone around me fought me doing so, even the environmentally conscious ones. I am often pushed out of communities where I should belong just like how people praise me but do not wish to support me most times. And because of this, I have never been able to show the validity of my ways.... I have always been pushed to hide everything about myself... But now I am starting to gain the strength to stand against any tide.... But I have the horror of doing so when the world seems to be dying too quickly to stop it. There seems to be no reason to do what I trained myself to do.

If only my parents had not stolen 6 years of my life and perhaps more. They really do hate me. They have the souls of evil in them... To be such strong antagonists unconsciously as they claim.... It's really just selective memory, cowardice and love of ignorance. I have not turned away from knowledge even when it was the most painful to face... but I am still so heavily restricted by that evil.

Society's norms cause people to not care about one another or the source of every life. And to challenge those deeply embedded preconceptions awakens the evil that placed this curse upon them. If I had the support of love, then maybe I could do something, but all I have is divine love from the goddess. I'm not sure I can really use it that way... Well for those years of torture, she told me to focus on my own power after she prolonged my life. I really would have died without her..... Perhaps now she would die without me. I must really use her power I suppose.

The only thing that continuously holds me back is that knowledge of the exponential growth of Global Warming. How can one teach the benefit of slow things in a time of rapid change? I suppose if I really must face such an opponent, perhaps a magic will be revealed from within me. There is nothing rational that seems like it could solve the current problem. But my ability to live as long as I have also defies most of what is known. I believe I could even become an immortal and maybe a goddess at some point. I have struggled against dying for most of my years trapped here.
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