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Rated: 13+ · Non-fiction · Personal · #2182824
A reflexion on my current state of mind
Today was a bad day. I failed when most didn't. Me. In what I do best. Think. In what I am most regarded for. Still, I failed. I failed.

Obviously, I wasn't the only one to fail. As we all know, or should know, mediocrity is never lonesome. I was accompanied by others. The problem? They weren't exactly the brightest group.

And, supposedly, I belong to the antithetic genus. If doubts ever persisted, today they were cleared. Those who perceived me as belonging to the aforementioned class were wrong. I do belong to the failed group.

Those who scorned others, should scorn me as well. But, no. They deny me that honesty. Perhaps resides in them some irrational hope that this was a fortuitous mistake. "Ah, it happens". Yeah, but if it happened to non-me's they would be called dumbasses. In my case, I was given support. But, wait. The absurdity goes deeper.

They even relativized other's failures. Previously they were galvanized when racountering me their misfortunes. It never crossed their minds that their dear one would be one of the incipient beings. They assured me that I wouldn't belong to that group. They were protected by that assurance. By that heuristic assurance.

How wrong they were. How wrong they are.

I feel like a homeless. No, not like the real homeless. They have valid reasons to feel unhappy. Not me. Compared to them, I'm even more mediocre. Whining about some abstract crapload when some are resisting the freezing cold. I wouldn't resist what they resist. I wouldn't even light a fire. My only strength is gone. Pff, all philosophy is bullocks when it's done without sacrifice. That sacrifice is up to oneself.

But, why do I feel like a homeless? I've lost my home. Just that. I'm still fed, given clothes, given opportunity to dialogue. But, I'm no longer home. I'm in other's home. I see my former home farther and farther away. I can no longer see it. It's a mirage. Did I ever see it? No, that was inputted on me. I never saw anything. I was never in that house. I believed that. Until now. Now, it seems, I have finally gained my proper eyesight. To celebrate my sudden clairvoyance, let me fetch some nose boogers. Oh yes, finally happy.

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