I loved a girl and then I didnt. I don't know if I'm okay with it or not.
|Blinking in the mirror she shakes her head a little, she is wasting time. They had set the time for 2, and at half 11 she was already beginning to feel rushed. Half dressed in fading black jeans she looks at the messy pile of clothes on the floor. On top is a predominantly white blouse, thin black stripes detailing it. It is wrinkled. After some internal struggle she pulls on a tan sweater from the bottom of the pile and brings the wrinkled shirt upstairs. Her mom is talking her sister through a pre-collage mental breakdown. This wasn't the first time. Not wanting to interrupt but becoming increasingly aware that she was dangerously close to not wearing what she had pictured she gives a wave to get her mother's attention.
MOM: Hold on one second, yes Camille?
CAMILLE: Can you help me iron this shirt, I'm not sure how.
MOM: Yeah, the iron is upstairs. Plug it in and I'll be up in a couple minutes.
CAMILLE goes upstairs and locates the ironing board located behind the couch. Setting the blouse on one edge she plugs the iron in. CAMILLE shifts around once the iron gets hot. She's still waiting for her mom to come upstairs. She thinks through the events that were to follow her getting fully dressed. She was meeting an old friend for coffee. She hadn't told anyone what she would be up to today. This is the first time she would be seeing this girl in about six months. The last time she had seen her she had been in love with her. They had faded out of contact and it left CAMILLE with a bad taste in her mouth.
CAMILLE: Mom, the iron's been hot.
MOM: Alright Camille, I said a couple minutes, one second.
CAMILLE: It's been a couple, the irons hot.
MOM lets out an annoyed huff of air and CAMILLE, who normally would apologize for her impatience, can't focus on anything else but the blue eyes she would be looking into in a couple hours.
MOM and CAMILLE begin ironing with irritation visible but it ebbs by the end of the operation.
CAMILLE heads back to her room downstairs to button it, she should have gotten it one size bigger. It is short in the arms. She resolves to wear it all the same, it is what she had pictured.
CAMILLE and the rest of her family discuss who needs to be driven where and CAMILLE gets a little more agitated. She had thought she would be dropped off at the train station in time for her to leisurely walk to the cafe.
It's raining when CAMILLE arrives at the train station. She is wearing a long camel colored coat that isn't built for the rain but she isn't worried about it. Her DAD asks her where she was going once she got into the city.
CAMILLE: Just around. I might stop at a movie or a cafe. Nothing too wild.
She gets out of the van and it drives away quickly, having to drop off another kid at a more time sensitive activity. She is holding nothing but a water bottle, but her phone charger and her card/eta pass/id are in the pocket of her jeans.
It's a Saturday and the train schedule is different on the weekend. Her train is actually in 30 minutes. She sits on a bench waiting in the drizzle. She puts headphones on and waits. On the train she thinks about all the highlights between her and KATE. She makes a playlist and fills it with songs that don't remind her of KATE.
She walks to a supermarket close to where they are meeting to use the bathroom and hopefully charge her phone. After using the bathroom she takes her phone off of airplane mode and sees two texts from KATE.
"Hey sorry I'm up on the mountain with some friends and there was an edible incident. I'm going to be stuck up here for a little longer than I thought." "Can we move coffee to 4? Dick move, I'm sorry."
CAMILLE sighs audibly in the family bathroom and looks over at her reflection. This wasn't uncommon for KATE to do but CAMILLE had hoped she was an exception. "Yeah no worries, stay safe." Not wanting to dwell she looks up movie times for an independent theatre a few blocks away. It was 1:15 currently. There was a showing she'd wanted to see at 2. It wouldn't get out until 4:25. That would be too late. She didn't want to push back their date more than it had already been. CAMILLE sits in the bathroom for another 20 minutes to get her battery life back. She walks aimlessly down the street wishing she had brought something else to do.
CAMILLE heads into a rare bookshop she'd been in once before. It was a mess, but she thought it was nice. After browsing the the shelves for 35 minutes she picks out a copy of WUTHERING HEIGHTS. She has one at home, but figured getting a second copy couldn't hurt. Paying for it she decides her next move. She decides on a different cafe than the one she had decided on to sit at and wait out the remaining hour. At the counter she smiles at the girl helping her. She can't have dairy and after stuttering gets a 12 oz latte with coconut milk. She never gets coconut milk, but she had been planning to get an almond milk latte with KATE and didn't want to buy the same thing twice. She sits on an uncomfortable stool and struggles through 6 pages. She hears the people in the cafe who know each other talk about a director she knows. She doesn't join the conversation. Her phone lights up with another text. KATE again. "I'm so so sorry this got way out of hand. I have to drive my stoned friend back to her house in Provo. Is there any way we can meet tomorrow? Sorry to cancel so last minute."
CAMILLE visibly deflates and fixes a look at her near untouched coconut milk latte. "I can't tomorrow, I work. We'll reschedule sometime"
"Ah dang ok so sorry let me know when you can again I'll buy"
CAMILLE promptly leaves the cafe, throwing her latte in a public trashcan. She wants to get a different taste in her mouth and decides to go to the cafe they had planned to go together. Finally, an almond milk latte.
She could still go see a movie but she feels spent on account of the anxiety of seeing the girl she loved after so long and did not want to walk back to the station in the dark. She walks back to the station. Her phone is almost dead.
She is glad she didn't tell anyone her day plans. She feels embarrassed.
Her parents ask her what she did all day when she gets back around 5:30.
CAMILLE: Nothing much. I went to Harmons, a book shop. I wanted to stop by a museum but they are closed until the 23rd (lie) and then a movie would have gone too long (truth).
Her mom looks skeptical but doesn't push.
FLASH FORWARD ALMOST EXACTLY A MONTH
CAMILLE is driving after work to the same cafe she had been going to meet KATE at a month earlier. It's 9:30 now, but the cafe is open late. She's very nervous. No reschedule text from KATE so far.
It's cold outside when she leaves her car. She only has one headphone in and walks into the uncomfortably warm cafe. It's packed. She scans the room with her throat in her stomach and doesn't see the tall blonde. She gets in line. Then she hears it behind her.
She looks good. Her hair is lighter. She's dressed causally. She goes in for a hug. CAMILLE hugs her back.
Focus on CAMILLE's face, she looks blank, confused even. She doesn't feel anything. She does not love KATE anymore.