Calvin does the unthinkable to Cole. Now he has no idea how to fix it.
I was watching T.V. when I heard the door to the apartment click open. I let out a heavy sigh as Cole sat next to me. He stared at me so intently that it made me get nervous. “What’s your deal?” I asked getting irritated.
“What is your deal?” He retorted.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said averting my eyes from his.
“C’mon man,” he sighed. “You’ve been in a bad mood since yesterday.” He paused apparently coming to a realization. “Actually, you’ve been like this ever since I told you I asked Angela out.”
I stole a quick glance towards him and got up from the couch. I couldn’t let him know I was jealous. I wanted to shout at him to break up with her and be with me. But my mouth wouldn’t move. I was too scared of the outcome, of what he might think of me. I walked in my room with Cole close at my heel. “Cal, admit it,” he said. “You don’t like Angela do you?”
I shook my head. “She’s a good person,” I said honestly. “I have nothing against her.”
“Then what is it?” He asked. Apparently, he figured out I had some problems with him and Angela dating, but he just wasn’t sure why.
“It’s nothing,” I tried to convince. “Can you please get out of my room?”
I tried to push him through the doorway, but he shocked me by grabbing both of my wrists and pushing me up against the wall. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me the reason you don’t like Angela,” he whispered with such determination.
His intense green stare looked directly at me. Those eyes, that face, those lips; there were all so close to me. Every inch of me was crying out for me to touch him. I was in a battle between what I should do, and what I wanted to do. It was constantly this way but this was becoming harder and harder to choose as he kept inching more into my heart. Then he gets me in a position like this. What does he expect me to do? He doesn’t even know what he’s doing to me right now.
“Well?” he asked.
As I looked back at him, it was like all reason inside me just vanished. There was nothing left in my head but how much I wanted to touch him. Without any regards to the world around me, or what he might be feeling…I kissed him. I let my lips crash onto his so easily, it was like our lips were made for each other. The world around me was fading fast as I pressed him closer to my body. Cole was responding, but it felt weird. I don’t know if he was responding because he wanted to, or just because he had no idea what else to do. I felt his hands on my chest push me away. After releasing, we both just stared at each other for a few seconds. “What the hell was that Calvin?” He asked, more calmly than I expected him to.
Was there any reason to lie anymore? Was there anything to worry about ruining anymore when I did just that? I could still feel the heat of lips on mine as I answered him. “I like you,” I said. “I like you…more than a friend.”
Cole’s eyes widen slightly at the confession, but he got his composure back hurriedly. He cleared his throat as it looked like he was trying to process everything. “Are you…gay?” He questioned hesitantly.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. This was the most uncomfortable coming out conversation I’ve ever had. Coming out and confessing to a crush at the same time was embarrassing, yet relieving at the same time. I could not believe I kissed him. What was I thinking? He is obviously straight, and even if he wasn’t, he is in a relationship. Am I one of those homewrecker types?
Unable to say any words, I just shook my head no. Cole lifted his eyebrow in confusion at my answer. “Then, what? Bi?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I just…I don’t know. I’m just really, really sorry.”
“Uh, it’s ok,” he said making his way towards my bedroom door. “I’m going to go to my room. I’ll talk to you later, okay Calvin?”
He disappeared as the door shut. I let my body fall on my bed behind me and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’ve been holding. I just wasn’t able to fathom what I had done. I might’ve just ruined a four year friendship over my stupid emotions. What was I hoping for anyway? Of course nothing was going to come out of it. Gay or not, that was the worst timing ever. He had a girlfriend and I pretty much sexually assaulted his mouth. Oh, the things he must be thinking now. I probably creeped him the hell out. He probably won’t ever talk to me again. How could I face him for the next school year?
Even those all the negative thoughts were going through my head, I subconsciously touched my lips. Cole tasted really sweet. His lips were so soft. I shook my head trying to get it out of my mind but nothing was working. He did respond though, didn’t he? His lips were moving too. Maybe…
I shook my head once more. This wasn’t like in those Thai dramas or mangas. When they’re straight, they’re straight. It’s not like Cole is going to all of a sudden become gay. It doesn’t work that way.
Cole was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. Calvin was bi. Okay, so it took him by surprise. That’s not a big deal though. But he liked him? Calvin liked him, and kissed him. What was most confusing of all was…Cole kissed back. Was it automatic? Was it a reflex? Was it just the shock? Did he…like the kiss? What was going on!