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Rated: 18+ · Short Story · Contest Entry · #2188644
Or is it? Sinner -- I mean - Winner -- Cramp!

It helps if people understand other people's accents, especially when the other people are dictating press-notes for the people to key in, print out and hand to the representatives of newspapers and TV channels.

It also helps if the other people don't depend heavily on the people to get the press-notes right the first time. So the other people should proofread the press-note before it goes to the aforesaid newspapers and TV channels.

If the other people do not follow these simple rules, of having accents that can be understood and proofreading press releases, chances are that their wives (their own wives, not other people's) will not be amused and won't have dinner ready.

"Why isn't dinner ready? I've been working hard all day ..."

"Working hard, hmph."

"Sweetie, I had that big press conference, and I had ..."

"Big press conference, humph. I've seen it. It's splashed all over the tabloids and I've unplugged the TV and the computer."

"But I thought you would be happy!"

"HAPPY? HAPPY? You'll be hearing from my lawyers tomorrow."

"But darling ..."

"Don't you darling me. And don't you DARE touch me."

Once the wife had slammed and locked the bedroom door, the other person decided to check out what the heck had happened. So he looked for the tabloids, the TV the computer .... anything ... but couldn't find them. She must've junked them somewhere, and his mobile was out of charge.

So the other person toodled to his neighbour's house, to ask if they knew what was going on. He rang the neighbour's doorbell.

The neighbour answered the door, took one look at him, and burst into laughter. Then, the neighbour called to his own (the neighbour's) wife, who came running up to see what was amusing her husband so much.

The wife took one look at him, then at her laughing husband, said, "YOU MEN!" and walked back in to the house in a huff.

"What have I done?" he begged the neighbour.

"Oh," the neighbour gasped, wiping his eyes. "Oh, that was the funniest news coverage I've ever seen. I must say they did a good job of the editing."


"Well, you weren't actually naked, were you? I mean, they photo-shopped your face on a nude body, didn't they?"


"Yeah, it couldn't have been you. No man-boobs. Noticed that as soon as I saw the picture. And good stuff between the -- you know."

"But what are you talking about?"

"You don't know? It's all over the place. You and that actress, embracing. Wearing rather less than is -- ahem --" At this point, the neighbour's self-control gave way totally, and he sank to the floor, banging his hands on the ground and howling with laughter.

Yes, it helps when people understand other people's accents. When the other people are talking of an actress having an extra-marital affair, and proclaim that "It's a sin", it helps if people shorten the elongated vowels and give the press a hand-out stating it's a sin.

Not saying 'It's a scene'. And going on to describe every sin as a scene -- the deception, the inception, the reception ... you get the point. Saying that being caught naked in bed with a married lover is the biggest scene -- is rather asking for cartoonists and photographers to have a field day.

Anyway, people were sacked, wives were appeased, proofreaders appointed, neighbours given home-made cookies to buy their silence (which had already been sold, but that's another story).

Another story? There are more titles here.

How about I would rather sleep somewhere on the beach -- and then we play with the vowels, you know, people and other people's accents?

I would rather sleep somewhere on the bitch.

Ah. I'm getting gross now. I'll stop.

The moral of the story is don't make a scene about a sin.

And proofread.
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