by St. Mocha
one-sided friendships are the bane of all existence.
| "Are you okay?" He asks me, leaning himself against the wall in front of me.
My nails dig into the tender skin of my arms as I hear his voice. It was almost as if the question had stung me, hurting me more even though it was a completely innocent inquiry. I was never good at hiding my emotions, but it's pretty obvious by my body language that something is bothering me. The way my shoulders hunched forward and my head bowed down. It must've looked as if I was trying to coil into myself, much like a nonvenomous snake constricting its prey. I sniff, raising my eyes into his. Angry didn't begin to describe the utter upset I felt whilst looking those insensitive, brown eyes. There was once a time I had thought they weren't as crass. He looks down at me expectantly, raising his eyebrows as if to say, "Well?".
I glare at him, clutching my biceps harder. What a selfish bastard. His face holds no expression, not an ounce of worry crossing his features. His relaxed state further emphasized his carelessness. Why would you even ask that personal of a question if you look as if you don't even want to ask it? My teeth grit as I grow more frustrated with him, moving my gaze back to my feet. Expletives and various insults race through my head, but I clench my jaw. Being an asshole won't get me anywhere. I hear him call my name and my gaze shifts back to his half-lidded, inattentive eyes. A glimmer of annoyance glints in his pupils as he repeats, "What's wrong?"
He has absolutely no right to be irritated with me. I have carried his ass all through these years, insuring his health and safety while he never once bothered with mine. I accommodated to all of his needs and feelings, but he never once accommodated to mine. I always listened to his interests, but he never listened to mine. He would tell me about his issues and the problems he was facing each day and I would listen, but never once did he ever offer to hear mine. I was there. I was always there, but he would always 100% of the time ask for someone else. And when they couldn't offer the time to be with him, he would get upset. I would be there, but he would just act like I didn't exist. That I wouldn't understand. That I. Was. Nothing. He ignored all of my personal insecurities, saw past me in every way possible and hurt me more than I've ever allowed anyone... and I was still there. The tears burn in my eyes. Never once did I ever hear him ask for me personally. Never once did I ever see him there for me. Never once did I ever hear him ask those kinds of personal questions. And never once did I ever see that he cared about me. He acted as though I asked for too much, but I never once asked for anything. So I look back up to him, eyes brimming with tears.
"I have nothing nice to say to you," I hiss in disdain. His face shifts to one of surprise and he starts to speak up, but I interrupt him. "So leave me alone."
And then his face reverted back to that same careless mask I had become accustomed to and he walked away, not once looking back to my shaking frame.