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Rated: E · Article · Comedy · #2190084
This is a brief comedic satire about sending prisoners to the Moon.
         Crime is a significant issue in many areas of the United States. In response, the country spends over $80 billion each year on prisons. Consider this: In 2018, N.A.S.A. only received $2.15 billion in federal funding. Prisons are an eyesore and a target for pesky human rights watchdogs. Recently, many Americans have complained that N.A.S.A does not receive enough federal funding. With more federal funding, N.A.S.A. could conduct more rocket launches, and we could learn more about space. With the threats of nuclear destruction and climate change on the horizon, the United States must work to colonize the Moon as soon as possible. The combined circumstances of a failing, well-funded prison system and a successful, yet underfunded space program produce a unique opportunity that the United States must take advantage of.
         The United States must send its prisoners to the Moon and beyond. Consider a typical U.S. prison. Inmates live in cramped cells, sit on metal toilets, and eat disgusting food. These conditions are identical to those endured by astronauts during space travel. Prior to space travel, astronauts must commit to extensive fitness training. Prisoners voluntarily undergo weight-based exercise while locked up. Why pay well-educated scientists high salaries to go to space when we have prisoners who will do the same thing for free? Consider the Challenger disaster. Following the failed launch, Americans mourned the loss of all seven astronauts. If there was to be a catastrophic failure during the launch of a shuttle filled with prisoners, N.A.S.A. would face no backlash. The lives of prisoners are not valued compared to those of U.S. civilians. This is another factor that makes prisoners the ideal demographic to break ground in the colonization of outer space. If the United States is going to continue maintaining such a large prison population, it must begin using prisoners for the greater good of society.
         It is predicted that the Earth will become uninhabitable due to climate change in the future. This will be the primary motivation for nations attempting to claim the Moon as their own. If the United States sends its best prisoners to space now, it can secure a future for its people. By the time the Earth has reached deadly temperatures, the Moon will already be prepared by prisoners for American civilians to inhabit it. Prisoners survive with ingenuity in the face of deprivation. They are inventive. Between shanks, radio transistor tattoos, and immersion heaters, prisoners have a long history of innovation despite limited resources. Take a look at Australia. Britain sent its most dangerous and undesirable prisoners away to Australia, leaving them to survive essentially on their own. Today, Australia is a thriving nation with a strong economy and a diverse population. Considering that this successful country was developed by Britain’s worst offenders, imagine what could be achieved by America’s best.
         In Arizona, many prisoners are already living in tent cities. This means that they should be accustomed to the rudimentary housing conditions that will likely exist on the Moon during early development. Prisoners will enjoy increased self esteem and public accolades after being the first colonizers. They will avoid being reincarcerated because they will fit into a society of other felons. By the time the general population is allowed to join the colony, the prisoners should be fully rehabilitated.
         To secure a future for its people, the United States must send trained prisoners to the Moon to begin colonization as soon as possible. It is in the best interest of the country to simultaneously address the problems of severe prison overpopulation and space colonization. This endeavor will give intelligent prisoners the opportunity to reintegrate within society and to be valued as equal to or even more highly than civilians. Sending prisoners to space in a win for all parties involved. Prisoners will be able to contribute to society while enjoying more freedom, and U.S. civilians will be saved from the looming dangers of climate change or other world-ending catastrophes, such as nuclear war.
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