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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2190739-I-dont-know
Rated: E · Short Story · Drama · #2190739
Relationship trouble i guess
So I'm having a bit of a relationship problem... well kinda i guess, So, i had a best friend and he was very close and i cared about him, alot, but he's not good with feelings at all, so he wouldn't know if he said or did anything that hurt me, i used to always be afraid to tell him that what he did hurt me but i just started gathering up the courage and he listened and apologized and told me that i shouldn't be afraid to tell stuff like that since we've been friends for about 3 years, so i started getting comfortable telling him even though sometimes i would feel like a bother to him, but anyways, we would always hang out so i would have lots of memories with him and i would like talking about them, Sometimes i would just talk about him because i would be thinking about him, my friends kept saying that why aren't we dating yet and that we would be cute together but i never agreed because i didn't think of him like that and they don't know how many times we (I actually) struggled to keep this friendship but it was worth it, he was very special to me and i didn't care if he hurted me anymore, because all i cared about was him being happy so that was my main focus, i bought him stuff, took him out, lended him money, and got in trouble with my family for him, I did a lot of things for him but... i don't remember him ever saying thank you, he was always happy with what i did and risked, that i didn't notice that i felt like he was taking advantage of it, he would come over a lot so my mom knew him, and she liked him so that was fine, we would text weekly, even though i texted him first but i didn't mind, it was normal for him to a little distant but he recently started being even more distant, next thing i know he got a girlfriend, i let it go for the first day but then i teased him about it at lunch the next day, he told me f**k you and i said no thanks and pushed him against some chairs, i said sorry and asked him how was his day, one of his friends yelled at me telling me to F off and his life isn't my business, he... my best friend for 3 years, yelled at me too, agreeing with his friend, i just stood there while everyone left the arena, i was left alone, my mind was so focused on what just happened and how i should feel that i didn't even notice that tears were running down my cheeks, i wiped them away and straightened my back, lifted my chine, and made my face have no emotion, though i wanted to cry, i wouldn't let myself break in front of others, i just walked to my next period and my face was happy till i calmly walked to an empty desk and kicked the desk and cussed out my anger, i tried to calm down and smile, my friend asked me what happend, i told them nothing and that i'm fine, they obviously didn't believe that so i told them what happened and i tried so hard to smile and brush it off but i couldn't my smile kept twitching and my eyes kept tearing up, we didn't talk for a few days, they told me watch out for when he and his girlfriend break up, he'll come running back to me again but no matter what, i shouldn't let him back in my life, its been two weeks now without him and i miss him so so so so much, i'm still crying over him but i'm trying my best to leave him, sometimes i wish that i never asked him anything or even touched him that day, one of my friends told me that he was very sad and distracted one day and asked me if i knew anything, i gave him a dead, sad and lonely stare and said no, that he's life wasn't my business anymore.... it was the same day i told a friend of mine who is also a friend of him that i'm not friends with him anymore, that i cut him out of my life and i'm not taking him back, later i found out she told him that exact same day, but i'm telling myself that him being sad isn't my business and it most likely has nothing to do with me. It's SO close to summer and i'm planning to be very busy and no social media for a while, maybe by then, i can get my life together and start to love/appreciate myself more. sorry if things don't make sense, i'm very tired but i felt like sharing this. (Maybe i liked him but i'm in denial?)
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