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Rated: E · Essay · Philosophy · #2191413
There can be no love for another while there is no love for yourself.
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Your soul whispers
to smell the roses
only then
can you ever hope
to find your way back

~ ki ~

Love is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, the word has been used by all the wrong people, and for all the wrong reasons. Over-used may be more like it. The word is so simple. We all use it. All the time, and often in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with love itself. We all abuse the word, and the concept. Love is an absolute. You cannot love something a little bit, and you cannot love everything and everyone. You cannot love without understanding. You cannot love without seeing value in someone, or something, that brings meaning and value to your own life as well.

Love is a feel-good concept. It certainly makes us all gooey inside, until the gooey-ness goes away. And then what is left? Not much. The feeling that we get when we THINK that we love, is very much like the feeling you get when you are hungry and you smell fresh bread baking, or bacon sizzling in the pan. And you start drooling and salivating. For what? For the expectation of what will come next. Of course, that is understandable. But what happens when you are satiated and full of that bread or bacon? It still smells good, but the imperatives have changed, and now you can take it or leave it, at least for a while. So too, with love, at least for much of our society. But not with real love. Those feelings never go away. We do not need to think that we love things. And it is not important that we feel that we are in ‘love‘ with something all the time. We should save love for those things in life that are treasures, without equal, and that we are willing to devote ourselves, with all that we are, to preserving those treasures at all cost, for reasons we can specifically understand and articulate.

Do not try to tell me that you love something or someone, that you ‘just know it‘, but you just do not know why. You are not fooling me, although you may well be fooling yourself. It is a very difficult thing to lie to yourself if you really take the time to think about it. Somewhere inside, maybe deep but there, you know. But love rarely entertains thought, and that is why so many people are so helpless and unsuccessful when it comes to affairs of the heart. People want. They think they need. They are sure they deserve. But it is rare indeed that we actually love. And we are here today to barely scratch the surface of that crazy little thing we call love.

Souls that were forever meant to be
Always searching, patiently waiting, relentlessly watching
They will meet for a moment, or a lifetime
In this life or another
It is inevitable

~ ki ~

Love is not an action of the heart. The heart plays its part. But in the end, Love is a decision of the mind. Oh, I know most people may disagree, but then, how many of them seem to ever get it right? It is not that love at first sight, or lust at first sight, as the case may be, should not be experienced. The passion, the anticipation, the emotions, the obsession. These are things I can honestly wish that everyone will experience in their lives. One of the great gifts of life is intimacy and the ability to use our senses to their ultimate purpose. But you may have noticed that I did not mention Love. Love is something altogether different, and unique. It is all these things and more but understood and determined by your thoughts and your mind. It is a decision made by you, and for you. For self. It is the most selfish thing you may ever do in life, falling in love. And yet, true love will also make you demand from yourself that you become selfless, and forsake all things, including your own safety, and even your life, to protect and nurture that love, for as long as you are able. Love, and that 'lust' thing most people misinterpret as love are not incompatible. In fact, when they exist together, it is the ultimate experience. It is something that is so rare, that when it happens, your entire life will change forever. There is no greater success than finding someone who loves you, truly loves you, for who and what you are. It is a validation of self. It is a validation of your philosophy, of your soul. It is the exclamation point to the path you have chosen. Your Path.

What is even more extraordinary, is two people, falling in love with each other, and experiencing their paths as one. This is the penultimate experience of life. We can discuss the concept of ‘Soul Mates‘, and at some point, we will. Soon. But today we talk of only ‘Love‘. Some people think that is the way love always is, and yet, you know that this is not true. It certainly can be. But …. It is possible to have more than one love in your life. And love can manifest itself in many ways. There is sexual love. Parental love. Familial love. And then there is the plain, old, run of the mill love. I joke. There is never, ever, anything ordinary about love. It can be complicated, very complicated. And even under the best circumstances, usually is. The emotions, and the imperatives, of being in love put a strain on your philosophy, especially when it is not very well developed. Otherwise, loving another is the easiest, and simplest, of things we will ever do. If there is no conflict with self, loving is akin to breathing. So take a deep breath and enjoy the experience. If you are being loved by someone with character, you deserve it. So take a deep breath and enjoy the experience

But people fall ‘in‘ and ‘out‘ of love all the time, don’t they? How does this happen? Is it even possible? What do I mean by that? Well, to start with, it is not really possible to fall ‘out‘ of love with someone. It simply means you were never in love with them, to begin with. This is not a criticism. It is simply an observation. I mentioned that love is an experience of the mind. And so it is. Attraction is one thing. Sexual attraction is another. But love is not based on attraction. It may be what initially brings two people together, but intimate knowledge is what ultimately ‘allows‘ someone to actually love another. You must determine the essence of the individual you love. You have to discover as much about them as you know about yourself. As they know about themselves. You must be both completely open, and allow yourself to be absolutely vulnerable. Only then will you have the information necessary to be able to make a rational decision as to whether this individual is worthy of love at all, and especially if it is your love we are talking about. You cannot love someone you do not respect. Someone who does not exhibit characteristics that have meaning and value for you in your own life. Ethics. Character. Integrity. The list can go on forever. It has to be someone who represents the best of what you are looking for in life. They won’t be perfect. They can’t be. If you think so, you need to step back and re-examine both the target of your desire and then yourself. That philosophy I incessantly point to? That is what needs to be compatible with your own. Otherwise, it is unfortunate, but probably next to impossible for this ‘love‘ thing to work, now or ever. It may last for a time, but eventually, the lack of that compatibility will wear down the walls of expectations and it will fail. This is not to say you cannot remain ‘friends‘, but everyone dreads the friend thing, why I do not know. Friends are good. Many times, that love of your life was always meant to be a friend. Over-anticipation and emotions made you believe it was more. Friends have value. There is no such thing as ‘just‘ a friend. However many you think you have, the actual number is probably much less than you would like to believe. Cherish friendship. This unrealistic expectation is what can ruin a perfectly good relationship, sometimes invalidating it. Unfortunate. Why do you think that the majority of marriages will fail? And almost all of the relationships, in general, fall prey to these emotions. Philosophy and control can prevent a lot of heartaches. By all means, love away. But please make sure it is love and not something else. A side trip on the path, which is nothing but a dead-end.

So bright did your flame burn
that finding you in the darkness of time
was an easy thing

~ ki ~

Love is not a fleeting thing, at least outside of Hollywood it isn’t. Whether it takes a short time or a lifetime to decide that someone deserves your love, once it happens, it really cannot ever disappear. There is no falling ‘in love‘ with someone and then ‘falling out‘. There was never love there, to begin with. Once you have finally reached a point where someone deserves your love, how can you reverse that decision, and for what reason? If they are deserving of love, do they not continue to deserve and receive that love indefinitely? There are many reasons why we may not continue to live with a person, or work with a person, or even come in contact with an individual, but I fail to see why they would be forsaken without just cause. It may have taken a lifetime to achieve the level of character that persuaded you to offer love. What has changed? It is true that people can change. And sometimes for the worse. That may be a reason for a change in attitude. But this is rare. Almost non-existent. It is much more common to progress in a positive direction. Good people evolve into excellent individuals. Most people grow into better people. Even bad people tend to find understanding as they age, and while maybe never becoming role models, they do mature and find at least some enlightenment. For some people, the evolution of self can be stagnant. But again, the reason for refusing love is confusing. I would tend to believe it was simply because there was not a true commitment to love from the start, ever. So it is with love and most of our love relationships in our society.

So again I return to philosophy. Your soul and your mind will inevitably point out those individuals that deserve your respect and your attention. Whether love ever develops, it is for time to decide. Time, and your own efforts to discover and mature your own feelings. It is important to understand and for your philosophy to evolve so that when you say that you love someone, you understand what that means, and the responsibilities and obligations that go along with such a statement. If you have ever experienced true love, then I believe that you know what I mean, and if not, I can only hope and wish you well for the future, and an opportunity to find out. Develop your philosophy. Improve self, and follow your path. It’s amazing what may lie on the other side of the horizon, what life has in store for you. Embrace life. Your soul wants you to trust self. Take the next step.

if forever does exist
we will still be together
then as now

~ ki ~

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