A young man orders something online, but it isn't what he thinks it is.
|Gary Shielding couldn't contain himself.
"The shipper says it's on the way," said Gary.
The beautiful sun rays danced across the tops of the Toyotas as Gary sat there, contemplating the fate of the universe. The house was empty, except for Gary and his brother Porter. They didn't know how lucky they were to be born over a century after the influenza epidemic. Or did they? Theirs was an environment of a constant mishmash of living. One day, it was ice cream at Benihana's. The other day it was skateboarding at Old Youth District on the other side of town. And then...there was a never-ending cacophony that cavalcaded their credence.
The air was stagnant, if only because it was bought dear.
"It's coming," said Gary. "I know it."
"No it's not," said Porter. "You sent it to China by mistake. Now you're out a copy of Death Circle AND you're a traitor to the US."
"That's not true," said Gary. "I only played the traitor class that one time because all the other classes were taken."
"I need for you to keep yourself in check," said Porter. "I'm older than you so I play the first two weeks."
"No," said Gary. "I'm younger. Women and children first."
"And you would be?"
"I'm not a woman."
"I didn't say you were," said Porter. "Just making sure YOU knew."
Just then, Gary's heart started beating fast. He wasn't sure if it was the caffeine puffs he had gotten from Hardbucks down the street, or the completely unknown status of thus Death Circle in question. Without warning, he placed his hand on his chest. When he thought better of it, he decided to refresh the Du-PS tracking website in order to get a clearer look at how cool he was about to be around his friend circle at school.
"There's no other way," said Porter, quoting the extended reveal trailer for Death Circle like an unmitigated boss. "You must fuse with the Universal Time Giant and destroy Menerva..."
"We did not intend for our music to be shared in this way," said Gary, quoting the EC Games Conference trailer. "We must seek redress from the international council."
At this, Gary popped a stiff salute, then went on with his refreshing. The computer connection was fast this day. Which didn't help him, since he had no bleaking CD to plug in! Strewn across the room was a cacophony of other games that Gary had collected over these extended periods. Many of which were launch titles or first editions. All favorites, all expensive, all terribly old and not to be done with.
"What do you think we should do 'till it gets here," said Gary.
"I don't know, wait?" said Porter.
"What do you think it's going to come with?" said Gary.
"I don't know, maybe a box and some packing peanuts," said Porter.
"I know that," said Gary. "I'm talking about what's IN the box."
"Perhaps a game or a download code?" said Porter.
"Besides that!" said Gary.
"Maybe a plastic wrapper and some labels," said Porter. "Maybe some rat droppings too?"
"You're being feces-ious," said Gary.
"Actually, I think the word you were looking for a facetious?" said Porter.
"It doesn't matter," said Gary. "I'm maxin' out the server first day. And I'm not sexting anybody."
"I believe you were sexting yourself that one time," said Porter.
"She was real, she was just lurking," said Gary.
"'She' was from cell block E last I heard," said Porter.
Just then, the bell rung. Gary leaped out of his seat as if he were a game-addicted floor gymnast and sprang into action. There was only one way of opening the front door of the house, by turning the knob. And that's what he did. He turned the knob and ripped that box out of the clutching hands of the waiting mailman.
"Go away, or I'll call the police," said Gary as he slammed the door and started ripping at the tape on the box.
"So, should I call a zoo, or a circus," said Porter.
"For what?" said Gary.
"Look man," said Porter. "If it's any consolation, you've got no aim. Rushing to play that game is not gonna put you en pointe and faster. So just calm down, take a breath mint and a breather."
"If I don't get this game open twenty seconds," said Gary. "I don't want to breathe."
Just then, Porter showed mercy. Lording over his little brother like an avalanche, he handed him a pair of scissors.
"Go to town," said Porter. "Of course, not literally, 'cause you can't get a date..."
"Yeah?" said Gary. "Well, at least I'm not dating a tax cheat."
"She's underage," said Porter. "She doesn't pay taxes."
"That's exactly what I mean," said Gary. "Tax cheats, smack sheets, hack eats."
"The first thing you're gonna do when you open that box," Porter. "Is you're gonna suck your butt off."
"Just like you sucked your girlfriend's face off?" said Gary.
"She was bitten by a snake," said Porter. "I had to suck out the poison."
"Every day for a week?" said Gary. "That's an alcoholic snake!"
"I'm not going to say this more than once," said Porter. "No aim equals no fame."
"And big butts equals peanuts," said Gary as he finally pried the box open to reveal his destiny. Death Circle in all of its prime glory and exaltation.
"Ah, ere it is. 'You are now the proud owner of Death Circle 4, produced for the GameStation 188.8.131.521A'"
"There," said Porter. "Now you can suck in HD."
"No!" said Gary.
"What?" said. "Is there a dang jellyfish in the box or something? Why are you yelling so loud."
"This says Game Station 184.108.40.2061A!" said Gary.
"We have the Game Station 220.127.116.111CB!" said Gary. "Why, oh why, is this cruel world hurting my heart so?"
Gary was so depressed about the wrong game coming that he quickly dropped out of school, and became a panhandler.