|I’ve read or heard people say a father’s absence in a child’s life has a great impact on their lives. The father’s absence is usually a result of a man unwilling to accept and carry out his responsibility of being a dad. From articles or books, I’ve read identify the following as outcomes because a father was not in a girl's life.
They have a higher chance of dating and becoming sexually active at an earlier age.
If raised by a single parent, economically they are at a disadvantage.
I am not an expert in the field, but other issues which could develop are:
These are examples of problems which surfaced in me and my sister's lives because our father could not be a part of our lives. When our father passed away, we were under six years old. My father died when I was four years old. Growing up, I had a void and didn’t understand why God allowed this to happen. I don’t remember my dad. I cannot tell you anything about him. My mom, my maternal grandmother, aunts, and uncles tried to keep his memory alive. They would say he was a good guy. My mom kept a few of his personal items for years. I wondered why I didn’t have a father like other little girls and it would make me sad. I would cry at night because I didn’t have an explanation to my questions. My sisters also said they felt sad to see other children with their dads but overtime we were okay with his absence.
Anger is a natural emotion in this situation. We harbored anger and blamed someone for this tragedy. At some point, we directed our anger towards God. I guess He was the easiest person to hold responsible for our misfortune. Because of my misinterpretation of God, I blamed Him. He allowed this to happen without seeing how this would affect us. How could he allow so much hurt? Until I realized He gives everyone free will, my anger toward Him stop. Everyone is responsible for their choices and sometimes we fell to understand how our decisions will affect some else's life.
Economically, this affected us. My mom had never worked in her life and now she had to provide for four girls. None of us ever took part in extra-curricular activities because we knew my mom could not afford for us to join. Not being a part of activities caused us to not understand our gifts or develop talents to help us decide what we would like to pursue in life. Seeing your mother worry about finances can build anxiety in a child. For example, my sister stated she noticed my mother manage money. She remembers my mother selling items from catalogs to supplement her income. As an adult, she sees how this affected her. She is concerned about being financially secure and noticed she needed to find a balance on how money affects her life. The balance comes with being able to budget and enjoy life without feeling anxious.
Although we experienced the same loss, each one handled it differently. One of my sister’s said she was very aggressive. I kept to myself and developed walls preventing people from getting too close to me. Trusting people became an issue and didn’t know it. How you view your earthly father is how you usually view God. This is something I’ve heard several times and for me it was true. Since I had no father, viewing God as a loving father was foreign. Even to this day, I have struggled to comprehend this reality. God allowed me to work for a godly man who showed God’s fatherly love in a way I didn’t know or understand. I saw the kindness and gentleness of God in him. Some bricks on my wall have fallen off but I still need others to come down.
As mentioned earlier, we dealt with things differently and we each needed love. One of my sisters said she needed love expressed in quality time with a father or having him saying “I love you.” I needed someone to guide me, give me advice. I needed a father to build my confidence. Even though, we experience this together with the healing process in one we have to do individually.
Start by admitting the hurt and to what extent it has affected me.
Change things I can to move from the patterns I’ve developed.
Part of the healing process was trusting God and understanding he desires my well-being.
Letting go wishing things happened differently.