Divorce is tough and mine in particular was nasty.
|I have only just emerged from a dark tunnel.
My eyes are shocked by how brightly the light shines.
For three years I have only seen that light as at first a tiny pin prick,
So far away that really, at times,
I thought why am I pushing forward towards something that is so distant...
That it could be years before I see that which my heart so desires.
But I am not one to be stopped by fear.
In fact the only real fear I had during those dark days were of failure.
Because to fail would be to let down the two I love most...
In this one life I have been given.
So I put one foot in front of the other.
Some days it was easier than others.
Especially when those girls smiled at me,
With all the love and the joy that they feel,
When I look at them and smile.
I did not think of my heart.
It was a shattered mess,
Tangled and torn to shreds...
By a love that was so hot that it would melt skin,
And so cold that nothing that touched it could survive.
I had to learn who I was again.
I had lost myself in a place that knew no mercy.
That saw tears as weakness...
And forgiveness as defeat.
Cold steel walls,
Impenetrable by one so lost,
Would never yield to my embrace again.
Then, as I felt the warmth of that glow so high,
I had thoughts of hope.
That I might deserve to feel love again.
To be more than just a father.
To be that which I know in my heart I am,
A man, who has come in from the cold,
Looking for a place to rest,
And to just be.