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Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2196779
Josiah finds himself in a pickle after accusing Marriam of cheating
June 19, 2018, 9:00 A.M

I woke up, yawned, stretched, and all that good stuff. Marriam was not next to me

“Wonder where she went?” I said to myself.

After I took my morning shower and brushed my teeth, I followed the marble floor road down to the kitchen, and even held my composure down the wobbly stairs.

“Huh,” I said to myself, “That’s a first”. Then a song started playing:

“It's Friday, It's Friday, gotta get down on Friday!”

“That must be the doorbell,” I said to myself. I walked up to the door and asked, “Who is it?”

“Let us in, we hungry!”. I knew that goofy voice anywhere.

“Alright Bell, you got it”. Him, Jonny, Marina , and Gretchen, with their baby, walked in. Bell immediately eyed our bowl of Jolly Ranchers.

“Ooh, Candy!”

He reached down, grabbed all of them, and almost gulped them down, but Jonny was quick on the draw.

“Don’t eat that!” he flung his arms down.

“Why not?” Bell asked, arms outstretched.

“You forgot to take the wrappers off!,” Jonny explains.

“Oh!” Bell said.

“Yeah, so where’s the grub?” Gretchen asked.

“I didn’t fix any yet,” I told her.

“Fix it then!” She then made a “working” motion with her hands. “Chop chop” I looked at her sideways.

“First off, I’m only fixing for me,” I explained, “I’m not fixing for anybody else, especially for some rude suburbia girl. Nothing wrong with the suburbs though”

“Hey buddy,” Jonny said, “That’s my wife you’re talking about”.

“You guys don’t even love each other like that,” I said, “You kicked her off a bus, my dude”.

“It was just angry passion,” Gretchen said, “We still love each other”.

“Oh yeah?”. I crossed my arms. “Tell each other I love you”

“Huh?” Jonny said.

“Just say you love each other”

“O-o-o-okay,” Jonny said, “I, um, I love you Gretchen”. He didn’t even look at her.

“Awww,” Gretchen said, “I love you too my teddy bear”. She pinched his cheeks, making him flinch.

“Good enough,” I said, “Anyways, why are you guys here for breakfast?”

“Oh, just a friendly visit,” Gretchen said, “It’s not like some racist jerks and the cops burned down our house because someone played a certain song in front of them”.

“That was...oddly specific”. I commented. Then “Friday” started playing again.

“I’ll get it,” Marina said, running to the door. Once she opened, a purple wagon with golden flowers on the sides and a soft, purple, carpet seat appeared. The words, “Black Queen” were painted in silver on the front. Guess who was in it? None other than Kimberly! Johnny slowly rolled her again, humming Beyoncé’s “Flawless” to himself. He had a giant bag strapped to his shoulders

“All hail the queen!” Kimberly commanded.

“Hail her!” Johnny chimed in.

Now that’s what I call love,” I said. Johnny closed the door and and I asked, “Are y’all here for breakfast?”.

“Nope, we brought our own,” Johnny said. He unzipped his bag and pulled out some blue and orange tide pod waffles. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“The hell is that?” I asked, with my eyes widening.

“They’re tide pod waffles, duh,” Kimberly snapped.

“Can’t that kill you?” I asked.

“They replaced the bleach with sugar,” Johnny said, “A whole lot of sugar, but still”.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Jonny said, “That looks kinda good”.

“Ah, Jonny,” I sighed in contempt, “Don’t join the pod-wagon”.

“I ate a tide pod,” Bell said, “They had to bring me to the doctors. It was too good, I couldn’t handle it”.

“Yeah, yeah,” Marina said, "You know damn well that's not what they said"

"That's what it meant to me...MARINA!" Bell said, "Damn, can't a man get a break?"

"Not one like you," she snapped.

I walked in the kitchen to grab some french toast and Colonel Sanders Vodka, then Johnny asked, “Hey man, where’s the hot sauce? They give the waffles a little...spice!”

“Ah crap!” I said, “I left it in the bedroom”.

I dashed out of the kitchen, crept up the stairs, and started to run towards the bedroom. But when I passed the elevator, I heard something that caught my ear:

“You sure you want me to?” I heard an unfamiliar male voice?

“Hell yeah,” Marriam said.

“I’m not sure, I mean, your boyfriend might find out”

“Trust me, he won’t”

I got so furious that I didn’t wanna hear the rest of the conversation. I burst in the door and...

“Hey Joshie,” Marriam said, I looked at her and I felt so dumb. She was talking with a worker about installing something.

“It was supposed to be a secret, but whatever! I’m installing a lemon head dispenser! Just for you”.

“Ah, that’s nice,” I said, “I thought you were....”. I quickly cut myself off, not wanting to ruining the moment. But Marriam is not dumb.

“I was what?”. Her smile faded and her eyebrows lowered.

“Um, nothing, forget it,” I insisted. She wasn’t having that.

“You thought I was cheating on you?!” Marriam yelled.

The worker chimed in, “Well, to be fair, the conversation could be misinterpreted...”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” She quickly cut him off, and looked at me.

“I can’t believe you Joshie”.

“Look, I’m s...”

“No, don't tell me sorry!” There was a red fire in her eyes, and she pointed at me. “I chased you around for two years, dated you for three, and you think I’m gonna throw that away for some ugly construction worker?”

“That wasn’t necessary,” he said.

“You can uninstall the lemonhead dispenser,” Marriam said, “I thought you could trust me. After everything we’ve been through, you’re still doubting me?”

I said, “No, I’m not...”

“Apparently you are. Don’t you ever talk to me”. She stormed out the elevator, leaving me there. I felt like a damn fool. How the hell could I accuse her of cheating like that? It’s not that I don’t trust her, but I get paranoid, and my mind automatically goes to the worse case scenario no matter who it is. Either way, it was dumb of me to even think she would cheat on me,

“You, you know your fly is unzipped?” The worker pointed right it.

“Man, shut the hell up!” I snapped, trying to cover it.

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