Never bully someone who knows Aliens
|Logan the Loogie-Worm
Have you ever hated someone so much you would do anything to be rid of them? I had one of those a bully who wouldn’t leave me alone! He was driving me crazy! It. Had. To. Stop.
Fortunately a friend of friend of a friend told the secret. One night I stood in the wilderness while wearing a black cloak to disguise my identity. They appeared in front of me…Three Gray Aliens as alike as drops of water.
“I’m so sorry to have to trouble you like this…” I said
IT IS NO TROUBLE AT ALL… Said the Leader of the group via telepathy So long as you have some quid pro-quo…
I lift a sheet off my ‘quid-pro-quo’ two twelve packs of Coca-Cola I was told Gray Aliens love soda and Coca-Cola is their favorite.
Think of the person you wish me to abduct and I’ll be able to find them… Says the leader a beam of white light shoots out of his forehead and touches my forehead.
He shall be out of your hair for a year and a half… Said the Leader. When he returns he shall be a ‘changed man’ in more ways than one.
The Aliens then teleport away with their soda and If my friend’s claims are true I shall be able to sleep easy…
That ends my part of the story…Here is what happened to my tormenter Logan. When the Aliens abducted him as he slept in his bed.
If you could have seen it, you could have seen Logan’s sheets levitating off his body than Logan levitating off his bed then he teleported right out of his clothes.
He awoke when he felt himself no longer in his warm soft bed but on a cold metal table being wheeled somewhere.
“Huh? What the? Huh?” He stammered still sleepy
It appears you have offended someone greatly. The Leader Alien said to Logan. So they have hired us to abduct you…
“HOLY SHIT!” Screams Logan “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”
They wheel him into the Mutation Chamber to transform him into a Human/Animal Hybrid
Can I pick the Animal? Exclaims an Alien who seems younger than the others. You picked last time!
Well I did promise #63 could pick the Animal next time. Says the Leader in a doting paternal sort of way.
The Younger Alien turns the knobs of the Mutation Chamber I’m gonna turn him into an Earthworm!
The air crackles with electricity as Logan screams in pain! The Aliens eyes sparkle as Logan’s arms and legs disintegrate and his skin turns pink and slimy until he doesn’t seem so much an Earthworm/Human hybrid as a Giant Earthworm that happens to have eyes.
Logan groans as they wheel him out of the Mutation Chamber, he starts to cry
Maybe if you cared about the feeling of those you tormented you wouldn’t be in this position. Says the Leader Do you remember a boy named Kris?
“He disappeared one month ago.” Says Logan
We turned him into a Pig and sent him to another Planet. Says The Leader He’s been shoveling manure ever since.
What shall we do to have fun with him this time? Asks #63
Why don’t we just do the all-time favorite…PROBE HIM! Shouts the Leader all the Aliens cheer while Logan screams