Ex wanted to go O/S for a month leaving kids with me & told me anything so she could go.
|After she told me it was over, I moved into my parents house to wait out the storm. In my mind, I gave her a year...to sort out whatever was going on that required her to contemplate starting over again.
Knowing how difficult it would be for her, I supported her decision. The fact that we have twin girls who back then were nine years old, convinced me that she would come to her senses, and if I played my cards right, our family would be whole again.
It's amazing how fast a year can go. I did my best and helped her out financially. She hadn't really thought about how she would meet the ongoing costs of running a household, considering the income had more than halved, with very little change to her outgoings. Along with my legally bound child support payments, I chipped in for certain things...such as half of the mortgage repayments, after all, it was still technically half my house...and clothes for the girls ect.
I was picking up the girls for my weekend with them, when I noticed the bald tires on her car. Pointing this out got a fairly significant reaction, but one I was to get very used to. She told me that she had no money, and she didn't live rent free like I did.
I thought who's fault is that...but I said, “Do you want me to pay to get your tires, and you can pay me back once we get to property settlement?”
I couldn't have my kids being driven around in a car with bald tires, by a frustrated single mom who was developing anger issues. So of course she agreed, and a few weeks later more bills that she 'couldn't' make payment for....car service and a visit to her dentist....all to be repaid once the house was sold.
Then one day she called me and asked if I wanted to come for dinner. We all ate together and after dinner I played with the girls...and it felt good. I even thought for a moment I might get asked to stay, but once the girls were tucked in for the night, she dropped the real reason I was there.
She said she wanted to go to Germany for a holiday. That's where she was born and still has lots of relatives that she had not seen since her family moved here when she was about seven. She would be gone for four weeks and asked that I have the girls during this time.
At that time I was working full time, and received four weeks annual leave per year. I explained to her that I was not willing to use my entire four weeks leave caring for children, while she spent that time having her holiday of a lifetime...and besides, I didn't have the room to have the girls at my house for that length of time...so I told her that it was not possible.
Then, she played her trump card...”You can move back in with us if you agree, and we can be a family again.”
She knew how much I wanted this, but I didn't realize how much she wanted this trip to Germany. Blinded by my desire to kiss my kids goodnight, to read them a bedtime story, like we did before all of this, I agreed and moved back into our family home, and she could take her trip.
The months passed, and in hindsight, I knew something wasn't right. Sex was almost non existent, she avoided affection and did only just enough to keep me there. Then the time came, and she was gone. The girls and I planned our future together while she was away. We had a really nice time, and that was one part of this that I will never regret. Four weeks passed, and we went to the airport to pick her up. It was her birthday, and we had presents and a birthday cake, and everything seemed fine...until the next morning.
The four of us were in the kitchen having breakfast, when she turned to me and said she wanted me out of her house. I will never forget the look on her face as she said it...pure hatred and contempt. And even though in the back of my mind I knew this was going to happen, it still rocked me. I turned to look at my girls, the realization of what was happening became apparent to them. I said to her please don't do this, but she was not going to be swayed. I fell to my knees and begged her (the first time I had ever done that, and hopefully the last), not for me but for my kids...but she had already decided, long before she had even left for her trip. I was set up, and it wasn't just me she had lied to, it was our kids who had most to lose in this...and she just didn't care.
I hated her for a long time after this, but hate is such a heavy burden to carry, and eventually I forgave her (in my mind, not to her in person).
My biggest regret to do with the separation and subsequent divorce, was that while she was overseas, and we waited for her return, each night before bed I would read from a book of bedtime stories, and on the day she told me to leave, we still had some of this book left unread...and we never got to finish it.
Once the house was sold, I reminded her of the money she owed me, but no prizes for guessing that I am still waiting...and will never see any of it repaid...I am a gullible Mofo.