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The Writer's Cramp
"Tom, I can hardly wait for my appointment. I know I'm pregnant"

"How do you know, Carla and why an appointment? Why don't you use the home pregnancy kit, like before?"

"I can just tell, this time I feel different. I know it sounds silly but I feel fuller. The appointment just makes sense because I will need vitamins and I want the handout Julie got. It's a pregnancy gift bag, really cute - blue and pink canvas full of samples and info for the new mom. Oh, Tom I am so excited. I'll call you later my appointment is at 10:00.

"Well, maybe you are pregnant. I've never see you so excited. Hon, I need to leave for work, be sure and call me. Oh, one more thing since you feel fuller this time does that mean I should feel emptier? Sorry, just kidding!"

Before leaving I checked the nursery. I had worked hard at getting everything ready, perfect enough for a magazine cover and just waiting for its new occupant.

I arrived early for my appointment.

Kelly Watkins, the receptionist smiled "I guess early birds get the worms."

"Yes, I think so." This early bird is going to find out she's pregnant.

Checking my watch just made me more nervous so I grabbed a magazine, scanned the cover and turned to the article: "What Every New Mother Needs to Know." Interrupted by a stumbling noise, I stared at the shadows bumping into one another outside the door. They bounced on the frosted glass, let out squeals while the hand of the tall shadow "shooed" and tried to restore order. The woman shoved the door open with her back while her feet shuffled to catch up so she could let two kids in. One kid zig-zagged the car seat the mother held and the other one passed on the opposite side, grabbing the baby in the sling that was wrapped around the mother's neck. The older kids headed for the couch, the mother turned, balanced the car seat and the papoose baby, looked at me and said, "Hi, I'm Lisa."

Usually when I talk to someone, I look at their eyes. Lisa's eyes didn't work right. The left one moved left like it was trying to escape only to return to center and start running again. Her right eye seemed normal except when it rolled upward. She headed for the couch, set down the car seat and untangled the sling baby. Her movements reminded me of an elephant lumbering to a rest spot.

We shared a few words, but there was no rest for her. While the baby cried, she mixed formula with the infant's pacifier clamped between her teeth. When I heard the satisfied grunts from the baby, I could see myself feeding my baby. The movement of the picture frame broke my spell. I crossed the room just in time to grab the boy standing on the chair arm. When I sat down, the little girl placed her hand on my knee and said, "Poop!" While I relayed the message to her mother, the boy standing on the couch, pressed against his mother, picked a booger and wiped it on her shoulder.




"Carla, Carla Wutrich is Carla here?"

After a urine sample I waited. I had plenty of time to think.

"Well, Carla I hope you're not too disappointed but the test is negative, maybe next time"

"Dr. Wheeler, I'm not that disappointed. Would you be willing to write me a prescription?"

"What for? All your previous lab work is great."

"Birth control pills, I don't think I'm ready to be a mother."


I need to call Tom.

"Guess what, Tom, I'm not pregnant!"

"You sound so happy, what happened."

"Well, I decided I would rather take birth control pills, than Valium."

"Carla, what are you talking about?"

"I'll explain it when I get home. Oh, I've got plans for the nursery, it's going to be my office. See you later. Bye!"



Word Count: 661









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