A hilarious write up for the Bard's Hall Contest honoring WDC's 19th Birthday Party!!
Good 'ol Desdemona - or "Dolores" - Writon ... oh, but what a story ... but where does one possibly start?! It was the Mayor's old flame that flew into town on a red Harley-Davidson that fine, September morning out of Duluth no less, sporting her red bike riding helmet and red lipstick pout to match. Never mind you that her given name - Desdemona - literally means "from the devil" or "from the evil", but it was me that had shortened it one autumn afternoon after school in our junior year after we kissed and how I mentioned that "Dolores" was much, much better after all (until we looked it up, only to find it meant "sorrows"! ) But THIS....THIS WAS DIFFERENT: I had notified now-Mayor Writon earlier in the day that I had spotted her on her old crimson red Harley and she even waved at me as I drove past in the Crown Victoria then and there!!. After reassuring the Mayor on the cell that she appeared to be cruisin' past as if on a nostalgic tour of her old stalking grounds, we both hung up and yet again I see her driving past as I sat in the speed trap at the eastern end of town - "What the devil is going on?!?", I wondered aloud to myself...
Leaving shift in care of Officers Smith 'n Jones later, I was home sprucing up for Founders Day that evening, the town-wide event put on for both us adults and the kids at the library when, as we say in French at the Precinct - "The Schmidt hit the fan". In rapid order succession, a kidnap call came over the wire to Jones who that old Mrs. Stone was being held for ransom, that the demand was simple - provide the key to a basement room holding a bunch of old books and - game over, the Librarian goes free, the event continues unscathed and no one knows differently.
Well, I left something out: we'd known for some nineteen years that the Time Capsule was being kept down below - and curiously enough, Dolores Writon was a direct descendent from one of the Bardstown's Original Founding Families... Oh! If I hadn't made the connection anytime sooner!!
Telling Smith 'n Jones to meet me at the Library, pronto tonto, I also told Officer Jones to have retired Detective Fife take over the desk for any emergencies while those two were helping me down at the Library. Sure enough, the Mayor had the key waiting for me at the doorstep of the Library, and when I entered, I called out, identified myself and I yelled out that I had the key to the Storage Room downstairs and.....where did the kidnapper wish for me to put it? A man's voice, calling from down below in the basement yelled back and called out the instructions to throw the key down the stone steps and leave the Library immediately - to which I did, no questions asked. I thought it through, then and there - wasn't that Dolores's red Harley parked out front, the same Harley I saw her earlier that day and why would she loan out her bike to some numbskull who had some forsaken interest in a treasure map that didn't even EXIST?!?
Things happened in rapid order from that point on: in what seemed like just a few minutes, I spotted Mrs. Stone emerging from the Library, babbling about the WEIRDEST LOOKING MAN SHE'D EVER HAD SEEN IN HER LIFE and followed that up with how this same man had chiseled frantically at the stone masonry and knew EXACTLY where the Time Capsule was hidden. That seemed to solve that immediate mystery, but before Mrs. Stone could describe what was IN the capsule, we heard a loud peeling out of rubber tires from behind the Library, only to see what I swear on Mother's good name was two men in the front seat of the other Crown Vic we left in the Department parking lot for visiting dignitary use. And just like Mrs. Stone mentioned, the one feller had bright red hair, just like the Joker did in the old Batman movies ... wait a moment, did I just spot red lipstick on the mouth of that damned Joker as well?!
Racing up to the Precinct as fast as we could manage, we found a note left by none other than retired Detective Fife right there on my desk in his writing: "Chief, by the time you get this, I'll be long gone but don't despair, for along with the times people change too. Turns out your old flame Dolores isn't a Dolores anymore: in fact, with the sex changes they make today, he actually makes a pretty cool "Dolphus"!
Cheeze 'n rice - snookered by one of my very own Detectives!
Sentence Count: 19