A story a wrote for a contest earlier this year. The bold words were the prompt.
|I took this down before to clear some room in my portfolio. I am re-posting it to get some more feedback. I looking for feedback on plot, story, theme, etc. And less on grammar, for now.
At first it seemed like a typical rainy day. It was not until towards the end that things were different. She walks into my office looking for help. I can smell her perfume as she walks through the door. My secretary greets her and sends her inside to meet with me. She tells me her ex is going to kill her.
“You should see the police. They can help,” I said
“I did, they did not help,” she responded
“Why do you think he is going to kill you?”
“I broke up with him. And he refused to accept it. Then when I started to see other people, he got really angry. Told me I will pay for this.”
“So, he did not say the words, I will kill you?” I asked her
“So, that is why the police would not help?”
“You don’t understand. I know him. He will do it. Please, you have to help me.” She said in a desperate tone.
“Look he made no direct threat, so I cannot help you, I am sorry. The only thing I can suggest is stay at a friend’s house for a while. Now it is late I have a lot of paper work and then I want to go home,” I told her.
“I am disappointed to hear that, based on your reputation, I thought you could be helpful. Still, I beg you to reconsider. Here, this is my address, in case you change your mind,”
After she left, I tried to get as much work done as possible, but I could not stop thinking about her. At that point I decided to call it a night and go home. On the way home, I had a nagging feeling to go over to her place. So, I decided I will go and check it out.
When I got there, the rain had stopped. I walked up to the door and rang the bell. I also, knocked on the door. The door moved a little, it was not locked. I open it just enough and called for her. No answer. I turn around and walk back to my car, but stopped about half way. I just could not let the door open like that. So, I turned around and head back to the house.
On the way, something grabbed my attention, on my right. There were two cars in the driveway. I got to the door, and decided to go in. I looked around and saw no signs of anything, it seemed fine. I walked through the living room, and towards the kitchen. Then, I saw that the sliding door to the back was open. I walked over there to investigate. I slowly walked outside.
That is when I saw her, on the ground. There was also a man lying there, most likely her ex. There was a gun and knife on the ground. I took a pen out and carefully check the bodies. She was stabbed and he was shot. I saw a few old cigarettes as well. They must have been out here for a while arguing, before they attacked each other.
I called the police and waited for them to show up. I told them about her, and how she came to my office. How she thought she was in danger. As they were taking care of the crime scene, I stood back and watched. Started to think about how I should have taken her more seriously. I should have done something. I was having regrets about not helping. But I was not sure what I could have done. One thing is for sure. This is a night I will never forget. Two dead bodies. Stale cigarette smoke, Chanel No. 5 and the lingering scent of rain.