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Rated: E · Article · Comedy · #2203167
Is truth always best?
Someone once asked my older brother, "How do you know if your younger brother is lying?" He answered without blinking, "When his lips are moving."

I don't say it with a lot of pride, but I am the only convicted liar in the entire Martin clan. I didn't mean for that to happen, and I probably should have had an attorney present when appearing before that Grand Jury in 1983. The prosecutor asked, "Did you do it?", and I said, "No." A year and $10,000 in attorney fees later, I stood convicted of Class B Misdemeanor Perjury. It taught me a valuable lesson....... always take the 5th (and here you thought I was going to say, "Never lie").

As a kid growing up, I watched my Dad and my uncles sitting around drinking beer and telling stories about work, old girl friends, their childhood experiences, and the Big War. These were fantastic stories and I remember saying the words, "gosh and wow" a lot. Mom used to tell me they were all lies and not to believe a word. I asked Dad once if what Mom said was true and he simply said, "All my stories are true. I just exaggerate the facts a bit to make them more interesting."

In my 67 years on this earth, I have been everywhere and have done just about everything a man can do in a lifetime. I have circumnavigated the globe at least 20 times, toured every continent, messed around with exotic women, been face to face with wild lions, and swapped stories with people I couldn't even understand. I was a cop, a politician, an engineer, and some even thought I was a spy. I have a story for any situation you can think of. Tell what you think is an interesting story about yourself and I can do better with something similar I have done. People have to go to my wife and ask if those stories are true and she will usually say they are. But, she knows the history of my father and what he once told me. She will usually say, "The story is true, it's just the facts might be a bit fabricated".

I've told a lot of "whoppers" in my lifetime, but nothing that would harm others or free a murderer from jail. I call my untruths, "fibs" or simple exaggerations. My wife thinks my stories are good enough without dressing up the facts, but I sometimes can't help myself and dress them up anyway. "The truth will set you free", they sometimes say. Then others say, "The truth is boring".

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