by Perry Glenn
A One Punch Man fanfic. Saitama and Fubuki are a couple but he wonders about her absence.
"How is she, doctor?" Fubuki asked Doctor Kuseno in his lab. He was watching over a comatose Psykos per her request. The powerful esper was hooked up to a machine that monitored her vitals and injected her periodically with vitamins, nutrients and fluids.
"Her vitals are all normal" he told her. He scratched his lined face and shook his head.
"What's the matter?"
"Well, I don't usually deal with ... fully fleshy things ... you see ... so perhaps I'm not the best person for this ..."
"What is it, doctor?"
He sighed. "There's nothing physically wrong with her. Frankly, she shouldn't be in a coma. The whole thing worries me."
She sighed as well and looked over her former best friend. Psykos was a pretty esper with a similar build to herself except her natural hair was a bright, flowing green color and she normally wore glasses for her bad eyesight. Still, since the fall of the Monster's Association and Tatsumaki's failed attempt on her life, she had fallen comatose.
"No" Fubuki told him. "Her issues are all mental. Thank you, doctor. Do call us if there are any issues."
She left his lab in a bit of a hurry. Being around his workplace full of cyborg parts sort of freaked her out. She passed by the two guards she posted, two suit-wearing members of her Blizzard Group. They both bowed as she passed them.
"Good day to you, Miss President!"
"Gentlemen" she responded. "Keep up the good work."
"Hai!" they both answered from the bow.
She waved to them and stepped into her waiting limo after her driver opened the door for her. She didn't speak in the car; she only wistfully looked out of the window. When they arrived to the complex, they saw an odd thing in front of the place.
"What the-" she started.
A crowd of Metal Knight's security bots meant to deal with Demon-Level threats were laid to rest in a heap before the gates. Above them were two shadowy forms: one bright silver and one black. They continuously danced through and over each other to the point to where it hurt her eyes to look at them.
The two of them in the car stared in bewilderment. Then Fubuki shook her head and composed herself.
She opened her door.
"Miss Fubuki!" the driver shouted. "Hold on! It isn't safe!"
She looked back. "I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you." She shut the door behind her.
She sighed, straightened the purse on her shoulder and continued on. She began whistling to herself and only shook a little bit from fear as she stepped over the robot pieces and under the combating flashes in the air. She had just made it to the gate when somebody called out to her from behind.
"Hey, B class!"
She paused and slowly turned around.
It was one of the combatants; S Class, Rank 14 hero Flashy Flash, a ninja for justice and the fastest of those in the S Class. He wore his usual white cape over his light blue garb and more physically resembled a pretty female than the powerful man he was.
"Saitama is here, isn't he?" he asked her.
"How would she know?" his opponent asked.
"You fool! She's Saitama's woman! If you were his rival, shouldn't you have known that?!"
He looked over and hissed. "Tch! So Saitama has a companion. For some reason, that pisses me off." The ninja he fought was similarly feminine in appearance and wore a skintight black body suit with purple metallic bands wrapped around his limbs and torso. He was a high-ranking criminal and former assassin, Speed-O'-Sound Sonic. "Hey, Saitama's companion!"
"It's Fubuki" she corrected him.
"Tell him that I'm coming for him! He can't hide forever!"
"No. Tell him that he'd better prepare for my lessons" Flashy Flash added.
Fubuki turned from them and walked away. "Suuure. I'll go right ahead and do that. Idiots."
"What did you say?!" Sonic shouted after her.
Flash leapt in front of him and drew his blade. "Your adversary is me." Then they went right back at each other.
Before the actual security entrance, a young man was sitting on the ground against the wall. He wore glasses, a green track suit and running shoes; he was so unremarkable that most didn't know that he was actually the B Class, Rank 20 hero Glasses. He shot up to his feet at her approach and bowed.
"President Fubuki! Good day to you!"
"Yes, nice to meet you."
He was actually a former member of her Blizzard Group but because he was so average she honestly had no idea who he was.
"Actually, we've met. I used to -"
She turned on him. "Listen, kid. I'm kinda tired and I just wanna lay down on my couch and relax so can we make this quick? What do you want?"
He gestured in front of her to the door which had a facial recognition system for residents. "Do you live here? Do you know the hero Caped Baldy?"
She paused and turned away. "I don't know who that is."
She shook her head once. "Don't know him."
"But I thought you were g--"
She turned on him, angered and covered in her green aura; her hair was rising up and curling like her sister's. "I said I don't know him! You got a problem with thaaaaat?!"
He leapt backwards and took up a defensive stance. Then he carefully glanced at his wristwatch. "Welp! Time for another 10K run!" He bowed to her. "Well good day to you, Miss Fubuki."
He ran past her and left the premises.
She calmed down when he left and her aura disappeared. She looked up with her eyes and realized that her hair had curled upwards. "Oh maaaan." She reached up with both hands to mat it back down, even licking her fingers to make it easier.
When she made it up to her and Saitama's floor, the scene was even worse. The Class A heroes, Forte, Butterfly DX and Chain 'N' Toad were all crowding the hallway along with reformed monsters Black Sperm and Rover.
Rover wagged its tail and barked when it saw her.
"Oh, god" she muttered as they all faced her.
Forte moved his headphones back. "Oh hey, Class B."
"Heeey" she waved halfheartedly.
"Tell Saitama that his dog keeps pooping on the floor" he told her.
"Okaaaay" she nodded.
"Yeah, it's really a pain" Butterfly DX added.
"It's sucks to clean up, too." Forte informed her. "It's like muddy fire. Really hot. See?"
He raised his hands and showed her his bandaged fingers.
Wait, she thought. You used your hands?
"And that's not all" Chain N' Toad added before he held up Black Sperm by his antenna, "this little guy is creepy. We'll take care of the pup but he can have this one back."
Black Sperm wriggled and kicked his legs angrily in the hero's grasp. "Hey, who do you think you are, treating me like this?! You should be gentler with a cute little guy like me -"
Fubuki got right up to Black Sperm and pointed in his face. "Stop talking! When you talk, it creeps me out so just stop it!"
He stopped wriggling and made a zipper motion on his mouth. He then began to mumble through his closed lips.
"I said stop it!" she shouted, pointing again. "Stop it!"
Black Sperm's face visibly drooped at that and he sagged in the hold of Chain 'N' Toad.
It kind of hurts when a beauty says that to you, he thought. She's looking down on me but I can't do nothing about it now. Dammit. Just you wait, you bimbo!
"Arf!" she heard at her ankles and noticed that little Rover was sniffing at her boot.
"Oh, you little guy!" She bent down and rubbed his back and ears while he licked her hands then spun around happily under her touch. She found him cute even if he did have six eyes running down the length of his long face. "Who's a cute lil' guy? You are! Yes, you are! Yes, you are! As soon as you're potty-trained, I'm takin' you home with me!"
"Wait, what?" Forte asked.
"Ahhh" she sighed and stood. "Excuse me." She made herself small and squeezed her way past them against the wall. "Excuse me."
Just before she made it to her door, the neighbor's opened.
"Blizzard. Still you plague Master and me with your presence."
She looked over and saw nothing but darkness. Save for a pair of glowing, yellow eyes that emerged in the abyss between the door and wall. They even flashed.
She shrieked and cowered against the opposite wall. "What the hell?!"
"Do I worry you, Blizzard?" Genos' face alone emerged from the darkness and he peeked out into the hallway. "Only monsters need fear me ... and those who trouble Master."
His face turned towards the other occupants of the hallway. Forte, Butterfly DX, Chain 'N' Toad, and Black Sperm all flinched and turned away.
Genos turned back to Fubuki. "If you should ever betray Master who has taken his time to cater to your existence, then you will have to deal with me."
Fubuki composed herself. "The same to you."
Genos slowly closed his door while still staring at her intently. Just before the door closed, he flung it open again without changing his expression. She didn't respond. Then he closed his door completely.
She looked away. What a creep.
When she finally entered the apartment, she found Saitama and King frantically playing their fighting game on King's console. They were currently having a first to fifty fighting set which Saitama was currently losing forty nine to zero. Saitama's character was a hulking monster that took up half of the screen without exaggeration and King's character was a lolicon princess. They had two rounds won apiece on the particular game Fubuki walked in on. She kicked out of her shoes at the door, set her purse down on the counter and flopped down on the couch, lying on her side to watch.
Saitama was pommeling down on King in the corner with multiple, long-reaching lows but King steadily blocked the entire time.
"Finally, I ... will get a win over you" Saitama taunted, frantically tapping the down and kick buttons. "You have nowhere to go!"
King, for his part, looked at Saitama in real life. Without looking at the screen, he activated his counter and began a combo with his lolicon fighter. Her combo pushed Saitama's monster into the opposite corner in a fifteen-hit mixup of highs and lows. Then Saitama tried to hit him/her back, but King knocked him into the air with an uppercut and caught him with two aerial attacks. Before he hit the ground, King knocked him the air again where he jumped up and hit him with two more aerial attacks. King repeated this over and over; he demonstrated an exploit. The dreaded Infinite.
Saitama watched his heath bar get whittled down little by little and there was nothing he could do about it.
"You're cheating!" he shouted. "Stop it!"
King looked back to Saitama with a blank look as he continued his inputs. "I'm sorry, Saitama. You made me do this."
Finally, a 'K.O' flashed across the screen as Saitama's character died. Then, 'Perfect'. Saitama's mouth hung open and a drawn out stutter spilled out of his mouth. King had defeated him in fifty straight matches in their first to fifty. He had won a few rounds but never one full game.
King sighed and extended his hand to the bald hero. "Good games. I wish I could say it was a challenge but welllll ... we can go back to practice mode ..."
"Aaaaah!" Saitama shouted. "Ah!" He snapped his controller in two.
King gasped. "Saitama?"
"Aaaaah!" He snatched King's controller out of his hands and snapped that in two. "Ah!"
"Aaaaah!" He lifted King's game console over his head with the controller remains dangling from it and all, intending to smash it on the floor.
"Saitama! Saitama!" King raised his hands frantically. "Calm down! You don't want to do that! It's not yours, remember?"
Saitama's face had been fierce but then it returned to his normal, dull-eyed status at his words. "Oh, man. You're right. I killed your controllers, didn't I?" He lowered the console as well. "Crap! How much did they cost?"
King nervously waved it off and took the console from Saitama's hands. "No, no. Don't worry about it. I'll just replace them."
Fubuki sighed and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of mineral water. While drinking it, she heard them go on.
"I-I'll be going now" King said as he fit his console, cords and broken controllers into his backpack.
"Are you sure? We could watch TV."
"N-no. There's something I need to take care of anyway."
"Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to p-pay for it?" The thought of actually doing so seemed to worry him.
"Oh! No! No! No! Really! Don't worry about it!" King was sweating and anxious to leave the apartment. "I'm S-class, remember? I make S-class salary."
"Raking in the big bucks, huh?" Saitama chuckled and rubbed his temple. "I'm kinda jealous. Say ... can I borrow some cash?"
"You ... just broke my controllers ... and now you want to borrow some money?"
"Waah!" Saitama frantically waved his hands to dissuade him and joined his hands together in an apologetic manner. "Never mind! Forget I said anything! I'm so, so sorry!"
King sighed and went to the front door to put his shoes back on. "Anyway, I'm off." He lowered the bill of his cap down to hide his identity a bit more.
"Sure thing" Saitama said and went to him. "Need me to watch your back?"
King looked back towards Fubuki, whom had a scowl of a demoness. He immediately turned towards the door.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you."
"Alright" Saitama patted him on the back as he opened the door.
"And sorry for the controller again."
"Don't worry about it" King called back with a wave.
"Alright" Saitama conceded and closed the door. He immediately rested his head against it.
"We almost had to spend money" he complained.
"Saitama?" Fubuki called out from the couch. "Could you come here for a minute? We need to talk."
"Oh?" He went over and sat beside her when she scooted over to make some room.
She cleared her throat. "Every day ... when I come home, I have to step over your rivals, your 'disciples' and your loser neighbors. Just if I want to get to the front door. It's becoming too much, don't you think?"
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
"Is that a joke? How could you not notice the ninja fighting in front of the complex? Over you?"
Saitama looked at her. Oh crap, she's serious. Oh man, it'll really be a pain if she goes on about this. I better play off what I said like a joke and agree with her. But how? I know. I'll just smile. That always works for the heroes I see on TV. Alright, I can do this.
Saitama gave his best pleasing smile or what he thought it was.
Fubuki flinched away. His mouth was much too wide, he showed an unpleasant amount of teeth and he opened his eyes comically wide to try to match his smile. It just didn't look appealing to her.
She reached out and covered his mouth with her hands. "What are you doing? Don't do that. I'm serious. When was the last time we had some quality time alone without somebody clamoring for your attention? It's seriously annoying."
He gently pushed her hands away from his mouth. "Oh, yeah? What about that club of yours?"
"The Blizzard Group?"
"Yeah ... that."
She sighed. "If asking you to whittle down your group of stalkers is a question of unfairness, then ... I guess I can spend less time with the Blizzard Group."
Whoa. Did she just say that? So I don't have to see those guys so much? Nice. It was so easy, too. I wonder what else I can get her to agree to. Come on. Think. Think. Damn, I got nothing.
"You looked like you were somewhere else ..."
"Nah, I'm right here" he waved his arms around. "See?"
She made a serious face. "This may sound extravagant but my happiness is at stake. Saitama, I want you to get rid of them!"
He paused and scratched his head. "What do you mean 'get rid of them'?"
"Wha- exactly what I said! Get rid of them! Saitama!" She reached out and touched his arm. "You're stronger than all of them. If we don't want them around, then they don't have to be around. And we don't want them around, " she squeezed his arm, "do we?"
He sighed and seemed to think about it. "It's not really a bother to me, though."
"But it's a bother to me. Don't you care? Don't you care that it bothers me?"
He had the dull look on his face again. "I really don't see a problem."
She slumped. "I see. So, you don't care." She rose up from the couch with her head lowered. His head followed her as she sulked all the way to their bedroom door.
"I'm going to bed."
"But it's only like Four in the evening."
"I'm suddenly very tired." He went to stand behind her before she slid their door open. "Unless you're planning on going to bed as well, don't bother me."
"Well, what about dinner? Won't you be hungry? Want to order something with me?"
She paused. "I'm fasting."
She slid the door open with telekinesis and hurried inside where she closed it again. He stepped in to open it again though it was glowing with her aura.
"If you force the door open, we're finished" he heard her call out from within. He reluctantly left her alone and returned to the living room.
The following day, she was at the mall shopping center with bags in her hands which included a new purse, some dresses and perfume. Shopping tended to make her feel better. That included being among the small crowd who passed her. Occasionally, people would recognize her and ask her for an autograph. That day, nobody did and that made her feel even worse. She found a bench and slumped down. She raised a plastic cup of iced tea she brought and began to sip from it. It had been a mistake. She supposed she should've just talked to Saitama. Even if it meant swallowing her pride a bit.
"Excuse me, miss" somebody said before her. "I couldn't help but notice that you look so down. There is no way I could ever walk past such a beauty like everything's fine. I have to know. What can I do to brighten your day?"
She had been looking down but hearing some random guy come on to her was seriously annoying. She came up for blood. "Look, guy ..." she started with an apparent agitation. Then she saw him.
He was tall, well over six feet with long black hair in a tie; he had blue eyes, a dark tan, a handsome face, a broad frame under a traditional frog buttoned Kung Fu uniform. His hands were stuffed in his pockets in a casual manner but everything combined added a certain cool factor. He was no hero but actually the semi-famous martial artist, Suiryu.
She was flustered at the sight of him.
"I'm Suiryu, a martial artist. User of the Void Fist style but today I'm only worried about putting a smile on your pretty face. I hope that's okay. Please tell me your name."
She blushed and could only stare for a moment. Realizing that she was being rude, she smoothed out the legs of her dress and stood up from the bench.
With a small bow, she introduced herself. "I'm Hellish Blizzard, a hero. I mean ... my actual name is Fubuki."
"A hero?" He smiled and held out his hand. "How wonderful."
She put her hand out over hand and gently shook his. Afterwards, he took a step back and really looked at her.
"Can I treat you to lunch? I'd love to talk hero work."
She hummed and considered it.
Saitama was sitting in the living room, watching TV by himself. He was a bit distracted. He looked over at the cat clock on the wall. Fubuki had been gone for about five hours. He wondered if she had run into a monster. Then again, he felt she could handle herself and if not, those guys in business suits would help her out. She eventually came in with a plastic box.
"Hey" she greeted as she stepped out of her shoes. "I brought food. We don't have to cook."
They sat down to eat at the table and talked about random things.
Eventually, he got around to asking her about things.
"So, you went shopping today?"
"Oh, yes. I bought a new dress, coat and some perfume. It was nice."
"Just ... you were gone a little longer today."
"Oh, s-sorry. I took care of a monster. I forgot to mention it."
He smiled. "I thought that might be it. It went alright?"
"W-what do you mean?"
"I mean you aren't hurt, right?"
She shook her head frantically. "N-n-no! It was fine, I promise." She stuffed her mouth with some rice.
He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."
For the rest of the week, the days progressed similarly. He noticed less of those that bothered him at the complex but along with that, he noticed that Fubuki was spending hours away at a time during the lunch and early afternoon hours. Even on days when he wasn't out punching monsters. Still, she always returned with boxes of food. Expensive meals that she assured wasn't a problem. Fine sushi in the shape of flower buds. Wagyu steak. Unagi. Flourette baby leaf salads with caviar for her.
"How are you affording these meals?" he asked.
"Oh, I only performed some freelance monster-killing on the side. I've done it before for extra funds."
He thought on it for a second but more or less accepted it. "That sounds like fun."
The following day, her driver called the whole gang over. Lily, Mountain Ape, Eyelashes, and most of the others met up outside of a fine restaurant called Mr. Toma's Kitchen.
"Well, what's the problem?" asked Mountain Ape. "Is the President in trouble?"
"Yeah, show me where the monster is!" Lily said locking her three section staff behind her shoulders and still jabbing it up impressively into the air multiple times. "I'm ready!"
Mountain Ape grabbed the driver by his collar. "Well, take us to her! What's the holdup?"
"Well, if you'd just ..." the driver slipped out Mountain Ape's hold and adjusted his suit. "Just follow me, I'll show you."
He took them to the window wall of the restaurant where President Fubuki had a center table of the bustling, fancy place. She was having lunch with the martial artist Suiryu.
"She doesn't look like she's in trouble" one of the members said.
"Yeah, just the opposite."
Then they watched as Suiryu reached over and touched Fubuki's arm and she didn't pull away or push his hand off. In fact, they shared a chuckle.
"Whooooaaa!" a few of them howled. They pressed up against the glass and even struggled a bit with each other for a place, all to get a better look at the two.
"That jerk!" Lily shouted. "Thinkin' he can get familiar with the president like he's her equal. I'll fix him!"
She started for the door but Eyelashes grabbed her by her neck collar and held her back.
"Hold on, Lily."
"Isn't the president with the vice president?" somebody asked.
"Yeah, that's right."
There was a brief pause amongst all of them and then Mountain Ape raised his large fist.
"Yes!" he shouted. "We can finally get rid of that baldy! Yes!"
"We should observe some more" said Eyelashes.
"Mmhmm" Lily agreed with a nod.
Mountain Ape nodded as well. Then they all pressed up against the window again and peered inside.
Saitama was walking down the street in casual shorts and sandals. He had just come back from the small market with milk, instant noodles and tea. There were other people walking down the street as well but he was lost in thought.
Fubuki's been gone a lot lately. I wonder if she's at one of her expensive lunches.
He didn't notice the screeching tires from down the street behind him. The people around him did and most of them stopped to look. Two vans sped down the street and screeched to a halt parallel to Saitama. Their sliding doors opened up and tailor-suited Blizzard Group members leapt out onto the sidewalk towards Saitama.
"Go! Go! Go!"
A woman began screaming at the sight of this but Eyelashes stepped out as well with megaphone in hand.
"Public!" he shouted out through the megaphone. "Do not be alarmed! We are Class B heroes! The Blizzard Group! I say again! We are heroes! Do not be alarmed!"
Mountain Ape and others surrounded Saitama. "Vice President Baldy! Come with us! Now!"
"Oh hey, guys!" Saitama greeted. "Coming over to watch TV today?"
"Hell no!" They threw a dark hood over his head and grabbed him from all sides, causing his bag to fall.
"Hey, I can't see!" Saitama complained. "What is this, a game?"
"It's a surprise! Come with us!"
"Yes, a surprise party."
"Oh, man. I'm not dressed for a party."
"It'll be fine."
Meanwhile, Eyelashes was still addressing the crowd.
"-the Blizzard Group! We are briefly signing autographs if you wish! Ah!" He noticed a pretty short-haired woman in a sundress. He rushed over to her. "Miss! Would you like my autograph?! Also, my number?!"
She squealed and covered her ears because he was yelling right in her face with a megaphone. He noticed and lowered it thankfully.
"Oh, sorry. I was only saying I'll sign an autograph for you if you'd like."
She lowered her hands and rubbed her hands nervously. "Ummm ... who are you?" It was innocent enough.
"Eyelashes. You know?" He pointed to his painted, elongated eyelashes and pulled out his eyelash curler from his suit jacket. "Eyelashes."
She had an uncomfortable look on her face meaning she didn't recognize that name.
Mountain Ape and others pulled Saitama into one of the vans.
"Alright! We have the Vice President! Now, let's go!"
"Wait!" Saitama shouted from beneath the hood.
"I think I dropped my groceries. I want to keep that."
Mountain Ape ran a hand down his face and groaned. "Get the groceries."
A shades-wearing member leapt out from the van and grabbed the groceries in the middle of a combat roll. "Groceries are secured!"
He returned to the van with groceries in hand.
"Great! Everybody's here?"
Eyelashes was still with the pretty woman in the sundress. "I'll sign anything you have."
She nervously shook her head.
"Eyelashes! We're finished here!"
"Oh." Eyelashes picked up the megaphone again and blasted the ears of all those near him. "Again, we are all the B-Class heroes, the Blizzard Group! We are the Blizzard Group! There is no need for alarm! Please do not call the police or the Hero's Association! Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day!" He gave a stiff bow and retreated back to the vans with the others. They sped off down the street, leaving all of the bystanders in confusion.
When they pulled the hood off of his head. He was in a darkened room with seated at a metal table with a single overhead light. The entire Blizzard Group were surrounded around him, somewhat squished together.
Saitama looked around again. "Oh, hey guys. Hello, again. Is this the party?"
A few of them stifled laughter. Eyelashes gestured for them to stop and leaned over the table towards him.
"I'll be honest, Vice President. There is no party."
"Oh, so you lied?" He paused, causing some tension among the group. He chuckled. "Good! I'm glad! I told you I wasn't dressed for a party."
Most of the Blizzard Group began to talk over each other then, making themselves indistinguishable from each other until Eyelashes shushed and gestured for them to be quiet again.
Eyelashes continued. "Vice President. How close would you say your ... relationship is with President Fubuki? How strong is it?"
Saitama thought on it and scratched the side of his head. "Wellll ... we live together ... and she doesn't pay me rent. Sooo ... pretty close ... I'd say."
They all paused. He cleared his throat.
"Do you know what President Fubuki has been doing lately over the last week at saaay ... around the lunchtime hours?"
"Well, she goes shopping and fights monsters. And she brings home tasty meals. That's pretty cool."
"Cool, you say?" He looked over and nodded at Mountain Ape.
Mountain Ape gleefully reached inside his suit jacket and flung onto the table five photos face up before Saitama.
"Blam!" he shouted. "That's what President Fubuki is doing at lunch!"
Eyelashes gestured to him. "Mountain Ape. Take it down a notch."
Saitama squinted and looked over the photographs. In one, she's walking beside the tall, handsome Suiryu. He kisses her on the cheek in another. He's leading her into a restaurant in yet another with a hand on her back. The other two consists of them laughing and eating at lunch in the fancy restaurant.
"Who's that guy?" he wondered aloud.
Mountain Ape smiled. "While you think she's bringing you tasty meals, what she's really bringing you are the leftovers. This guy is the one eating the main course. Vice President, this is the guy she tells you not to worry about!"
Eyelashes joined in. "Vice President, we don't like you. That ain't no secret."
Saitama was confused. "You don't like me?"
The rest of the Blizzard Group began muttering aloud about whether they liked them or not until Eyelashes shushed them.
"Nevermind that" he said. "Most people we would be happy to see President Fubuki dump you for like a sack of potatoes that grew sprouts but this guy ... hmm. Lily! Why don't you give us your take? It would sound better coming from you."
Lily cleared her throat. "You're a little strong, but so what? You still don't look like a threat but him ... he's so hot! But he's also big and in that kung fu outfit, he probably has a lot of stamina. And blue eyes. And a tan. And that hair! He must have tons of ladies after him. He's totally a player! He's playing Miss Fubuki! I just know it! And it makes me so mad!"
She clenched her fists so hard that her whole body was shaking. Another Blizzard Group member patted her on the shoulder and rubbed it to calm her down.
"OK, calm down."
She came forward and pointed at Suiryu. "And look at his hands. They're so big. He's totally gonna ruin her!"
Saitama looked at her. "What do mean ... ruin her?"
"Uh-" her voice caught in her throat and everybody froze. There was an awkward silence in the room.
She shyly tapped her index fingers together over and over. "Welll ... you knoooow ..."
Eyelashes cleared his throat. "You need a clearer picture. OK. Pikos!"
Pikos, the diminutive nerdy member, bowed. "Hai!" He went to a darkened corner of the room and began struggling with some equipment. There was some shuffling, struggling and bumping around heard.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I have it."
He soon came into view with a white board on a stand with some markers.
"Wait, I can barely see it" said one of the Blizzard Group members behind Saitama.
"Oh, let's fix that." One of them climbed on top of the desk and fixed the light so that more of it was on the board. He jumped off and Eyelashes opened one of the markers and shook it.
"Alright, this should get our point across. A comparison." He drew a crude drawing of a man with circles for muscles and darkened squares for shades. He labeled it 'the other guy'.
Saitama looked at the pictures. "He looks like that?"
Eyelashes drew a regular stick figure on the other side of the board and drew a line from its head to the word 'Bald'.
"Oh, come on!" Saitama protested.
"Well, words to describe the other guy" he called out to the other room. He drew lines between and under both illustrations and they charted descriptive words under each one. Words they gave Suiryu were things like: Kung Fu, blue eyes, tan, tall, handsome, boyfriend material, husband material, would go gay for, could protect her, isn't bald and hot. Things to describe Saitama were: bald, short, pale, skinny, stupid costume, stupid face, looks like a wimp, Bald, doesn't know kung fu, Miss President is way hotter than, Rude, Not famous, Boring, might turn Miss President gay, not boyfriend material, not friend material, and BALD!!!!
Eyelashes turned to everybody when he was done. "That is about it, right?"
The others began muttering again but general consensus was that it was.
Eyelashes summed it up. "So, while you're not worthy of the president, we don't like this guy either. You're a nonthreatening option who we can trust the president's feelings with until we find somebody better. Okay, Vice President. So we're going to help you get her back. She should be with him now. We'll take you to her. What do you say?"
They all waited in anticipation for his answer. He looked at the board, then at the photos, then back and forth again.
He looked up at Eyelashes. "So, you're saying she owes me rent."
The Blizzard Group was stunned. A member slammed his palms on the table. "Where did that come from?"
Saitama stood up from the chair with a serious look that made whoever saw it flinch, including Eyelashes and Mountain Ape.
"Take me to her" he said in his serious tone of voice. "Your president owes me money."
The vans stopped at the corner of the restaurant.
Eyelashes turned back to Saitama. "Well, here we are. What do you plan to do? Maybe we talk-"
Without delay, Saitama stepped out and walked into the restaurant with his bag in hand.
"He took his groceries with him. Should we be worried?"
"Nah" Eyelashes waved it off. "Maybe they'll beat each other up and the president will be single."
The greeter saw the bald, shorts, sandals wearing guy walk through the front door carrying a bag of groceries. "Sir?" she asked. "Can I help you?"
"Nah" he said absently looking over her shoulder at the dining area. "You're not my roommate." He walked past her.
"Sir! You can't just walk in! Sir! Sir!"
He spotted Fubuki and the martial artist seated, enjoying salmon and salads. He walked over, making flapping sounds with his sandals and drawing stares from lunch guests all the way. He stopped before their table where Fubuki could see him. Suiryu was facing away. She had just began drinking from her glass of water when she noticed him. She immediately began choking and dribbling it in the glass. Suiryu leaned over and touched her hand in concern.
He gave her a napkin and rubbed her arm though she swatted his hand away when she stopped struggling. She pointed up above him. Confused, Suiryu looked behind him and noticed Saitama.
"Sifu!" he shouted as he immediately rose and performed a Kung Fu bow.
Saitama cocked his head to the side. "Hm?"
"I have waiting for this moment for a long time!" Suiryu explained as he returned to standing. "Training and preparing myself for the opportunity to prove myself worthy of you! This time I will not fail. Allow me to become your disciple."
Saitama lost the fierceness in his face as he began wondering. "Wait. Have we met before?"
That took a bit of wind out of Suiryu's sails. "You don't remember me? The Super Fight World Martial Arts Tournament. We fought in the finals. You saved me from that uggo, Bakuzan. We were the only ones there."
It dawned on Saitama. "Wait. Oh yeeeaah. You're the one who does all those moves that look cool."
Suiryu was caught off-guard at first but quickly recovered. "Oh, yeah. That. I guess I am."
"You got your teeth fixed. That's nice."
Suiryu covered his mouth with both hands. He was self-conscious about that. "You remember that?" he asked in a muffled voice.
"Do me a favor" Saitama told him, placing his free hand on his shoulder. "Have a seat."
Suiryu hissed in a little bit of pain as Saitama casually forced him down.
Fubuki looked up at him, concerned. "S-Saitama."
He set the bag of groceries on the table between them, raised a finger and lowered his head. "What ... is this? I came here to wish you well and get you to pay rent but ... I don't know. Seeing the two of you here like this ... it's doing something to me ... what is this feeling ...?"
"Saitama, wait" Fubuki urged.
Saitama looked back up with his serious face and stared right at Suiryu. Veins protruded along his face, neck, face and hands.
"Say, guy" he said to the Void Fist user, "why don't we spar again? For real, this time?"
Suiryu read an overwhelming dark aura from him and there was such a palpable tension emanating from the air around him that his skin tingled, his heart raced and he could hardly breathe.
"Miss Fubuki, aren't you going to say something?!" he turned and shouted at Fubuki.
But Fubuki's eyes were glazed over and staring up at Saitama. "Saitama ... you really do care ..."
"No! She's turned on by her jealous lover!" Suiryu panicked and leapt to his feet, waving his hands frantically. "I promise! There's -"
Fubuki lifted him up with her powers and sent him hurtling behind her towards the bathrooms. There were a lot of murmurs from patrons and things crashing to the floor. She didn't even look back at him. She placed her palms on the table and stood up.
"Saitama! How low do you think I am? You really think I would cheat on you?"
He scratched the side of his face. "Well, what's up with the lunches?"
She sighed. "Yes! I met him at the mall and he came onto me at first but -"
After they met at the mall and Suiryu gently offered her lunch, Fubuki sighed and willed herself out of the initial crush she had for him.
"I'm sorry but no" she said. "I'm fine. I'll be leaving now." She gathered her things and walked away. But he followed her.
"Wait! Where are you going?" He followed her.
"Will you leave me alone?"
"I'm sorry. I just don't know when to quit. Unless you give me a good reason."
"If you must know, I'm going home to my boyfriend! He's one of the strongest heroes and he'd make short work out of you, Mr. Martial Artist!"
"Oh, yeah? A hero boyfriend, huh? And what's this dweeb's name?"
He immediately ran in front of her and fell to his knees. "Wait. Did you say Saitama? Saitama the hero?"
"I take back everything! Can you take me to him? He changed my life! I owe him everything! I have to repay him! Please!"
She was taken aback. She stepped around him. "You're weird. I'm leaving."
"Wait!" he stood and called after her. "There must be something I can do. Can we talk? I know. I'll buy you lunch. I'm rich. You can have anything you want."
She stopped in her tracks and turned slowly. "Anything?"
"So, you've been hanging out with him using him for free lunches and promising to bring him to me?"
She rubbed her arm. "Yeeaah. I feel kinda guilty about it. But the food is really good and you seemed to really like it too. Neither of us had to spend money or cook."
"I guess it was the good life."
"Yeah. Well, this was gonna be the last time anyway. He's way too touchy feely. And when we meet up, he's always trying to kiss me on the cheeks like a European. I'm always pushing him away. We did come to an agreement though."
"Saitama!" It was a man's voice behind him.
The two of them looked around and saw that Speed O' Sound Sonic had appeared on top of somebody's table while they were dining.
"I've finally found you! Your end has come!"
"No!" They looked up at the sound of that voice and saw Flashy Flash drop down from the ceiling in the midst of them all. "It is not his time to die! I still have much to teach him!"
Fubuki slinked in close to Saitama and he put an arm around her.
Flashy Flash gestured to them. "Only I can teach the techniques to put an end to this fiend once and for all. Then the two of you will be safe."
"You're such a fool!" taunted Sonic.
While they sent loud verbal jabs at each other, Saitama and Fubuki talked amongst themselves.
"You're right" Saitama whispered to her. "This is annoying."
He nodded. "Alright, let's deal with it."
They shared a short nod.
He walked right up to Sonic.
"Oh, you're not running?" Sonic asked. "Good, prepare for my lates--"
Saitama sent Sonic flying through the roof and the ceiling with a casual uppercut.
Fubuki psychically grabbed Flashy's body and slammed him facedown hard on the edge of their table and the floor. The table toppled over and sent the groceries into the air.
Saitama reached out for them but she pulled them down to him telekinetically. He smiled.
Flashy stood up and raised a stern finger. "You nobodies, I'm Ssss Classs ..." He fell backwards unconscious in the middle of his sentence to the verbal concern of most of the restaurant.
"Uh, we have to go" Fubuki said.
"Dine and dash?"
The manager came out. "My restaurant! You have to pay!"
Fubuki looked to Saitama. "Suiryu will handle it. He's rich."
Saitama smiled and took her hand. He held the groceries in his other hand. The two of them rushed from the restaurant, weaving through tables and patrons.
Outside, the vans were still in place. A few alert Blizzard Group members noticed the couple running down the street hand in hand. The manager came out and shouted after them but Saitama took her and the groceries into his arms and leapt up into the air out of sight.
Mountain Ape looked at Eyelashes. "All is right."
Eyelashes agreed. "For now. We'll find somebody better for the president later anyway."
The following day, Flashy Flash landed outside of the Class A housing complex with his sword already drawn.
"That Saitama. Resorting to outside interference. He is clearly afraid of my skill if he must rely on his woman to step in. Further proof that he is in dire need of a proper teacher."
Leaning against a nearby tree with his hands in pockets was the previously casual martial artist, Suiryu. He took out a stack of photos and noted that one of them was of Flashy Flash. He stuffed them back into his pocket and walked over.
"Wow" he said, getting Flashy's attention. "If I didn't already know who you were, I might've mistaken you for a girl."
Flashy glared at him. "That's a commoner's mistake. Leave me. I have business to attend to."
"Oh, I know." Suiryu said, cracking his neck. "You're here to bother Saitama. Not gonna happen, pal."
"See, I have a deal with his lady friend, Fubuki. Whoever is a nuisance to their little love nest is an enemy."
"Is that so?"
"You betcha." He spread his arms wide in a cocksure fashion. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to try out my new technique and power on a living dummy."
Flashy narrowed his eyes and sneered. "I'll give you one chance to run. Heaven is a lie and you're flirting with death."
Suiryu scoffed. "That's nothing new to me. Bring it on, sister."
Fubuki watched the two of them fight in the distance from her balcony while sipping from a mug of tea. They seemed evenly matched. She could only shake her head.
"Isn't this nice?" she asked him.
He smiled. "Yeah. I guess it is."
They went on watching for a while in silence.
"Oh yeah" she said with a casual tone, "I forgot to tell you. My sister is coming over this weekend. Sorry."
Saitama froze. She could feel his body stiffen against her. It almost hurt to be against him.