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by Norman
Rated: E · Article · Personal · #2206008
You sweathogs will thank me for this
Remember when you were a little kid and your parents made you wear a hat when it was cold outside? They told you that you lost 90% percent of your body heat through your head. (Or maybe it was fifty or eighty percent, who knows? You never listened to your parents anyway, did you?) When you got older, you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a hat. You would rather freeze to death. Then, of course, you could imagine your mother or your father saying, “I told you so.”

Now everyone wears baseball caps. Especially bald guys like me. I must have over a dozen of them. Baseball caps are cool, right? (You know what I mean; they are okay to wear without looking like a dork. Even at my age you don’t want to look like a dork. You would rather freeze to death. Then your wife could say, “I told you so.”)

But even baseball caps can sometimes be too warm. I sometimes get hot wearing one. (There you go – I’m not only cool, I’m hot. Never mind, maybe this hat is too tight.) When I go for a walk I always start out wearing a hat, mostly to keep the sun off of my scalp. Can’t be too safe. But I soon get warmed up if I am walking fast enough. So when I am in a shady spot, I will remove the hat and just carry it. On, off, on, off. Silly, I know, but it’s a heat issue. Maybe 90% of my body heat does actually escape through my head.

So, I wondered, what happens when I lie down? Where does the heat go then? Does it disburse evenly across the face-up side of my body? Is that why I toss and turn in my sleep? It has nothing to do with my wife’s knees kicking me in the thigh? I know my head still gets too hot sometimes and I end up turning my pillow over, sometimes again and again, searching for that cool spot. My pillow shows the stains from sweating in my sleep. Kind of gross, but if I changed my pillow every time I sweat, I would have to buy a dozen at a time.

But now I did find a way to reduce the sweat. For real. This is a secret I am sharing with you. If you sweat in your sleep like I do, you are going to thank me for this. No, I don’t mean turning the thermostat down, or sleeping with a fan on. This works without adjusting your room temperature. Just uncover you feet. That’s it. Somehow or other, when I sleep without my feet under the covers, I don’t sweat. I might use a blanket over other parts of my body, but if I leave my feet bare, I’m good. Somehow or other, the heat I lose through my head when I’m standing becomes the heat I lose through my feet when I’m lying down. This is a genuine scientific breakthrough. (I’m thinking Nobel Prize worthy.)

Crazy, right? But it works. No more sweating like a pig. These little piggies are free and unfettered.

If you perspire like I do, you can take my advice or you can ignore it and drown to death as you sweat in your sleep. Then I can say, “I told you so.”
© Copyright 2019 Norman (jimmynee at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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