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Rated: E · Essay · Satire · #2207469
A satirical piece based on societal trends with product placement everywhere on TV .
The 2020 NFL Season is Plagued with Corporate Monsters
By: Kyle Rossman
Heading in to the year 2020, nothing was more exciting than the upcoming sports seasons. With superstars in the NBA finally growing balls and heading to different teams, Tom Brady continuing his legacy of never aging, the underdog Washington Nationals making a run at the World Series by getting rid of cocky-ass superstar Bryce Harper, and the brand new hockey franchise Golden Knights continuing to embarrass the entire NHL, there was a lot for sports fans to be excited about. Unfortunately, the built-up anticipation was met with complete disappointment. Every NFL team had sold naming rights to corporate sponsors to gain quick cash.
It was devastating to see this kind of takeover--even in sports.
To be fair, some fans were still excited. The hype was real as emerging stars like Patrick “Kermit-the-frog” Mahomes and Lamar “Running Back” Jackson started to take over the game and were expected to run the league again this year. This, however, was no longer the center of attention when the once talented organization, the Kansas City Chiefs, rolled out their new line of pink uniforms with bold letters: “T-Mobile Hot-Spots” printed across the chest.
It was an odd twist to see historic franchises like the Dallas Cowboys be rebranded to the Walmart Warriors. Football fans everywhere could not support any team that called themselves the Chicago Cheeto Cheetahs. Fans were in outrage burning their jerseys from the past and did not know what to do with themselves. The New England Patriots, Tom Brady’s dynasty and destroyers of the modern NFL, were now known as the Apple Apples.
As much as Roger “Clown” Goodell may have enjoyed seeing the cash inflow from corporate sponsors, it was a disgrace to American Football.
The worst part of it all was that fans no longer held a sense of identity. Hardworking Americans in Buffalo, New York having nothing better to do with their life than be a part of the barbaric “Bills Mafia” now had nothing left to live for. The thousands of crushed foldable tables by drunk fans pretending to be Nacho Libre and money wasted on Bills tattoos were now relics of the pride American football used to give people. The Die-Hard fans could no longer wear nothing but body paint in five-degree weather in up-state New York for a team that called themselves the “Amazon Ascenders.”
Meanwhile, the Kroger Krushers prepared themselves for a rebound year and hoped to make the super bowl. The team was formerly known as the Lams… wait sorry, I meant the Rams. They hoped their All-Pro running back Todd Gurley had overcome his issue of having the knees of an 80-year-old and was ready to return to prime form. Head coach Sean McVay came out in an interview saying that the team did not wish to distract itself around the new branding controversy and was strictly focused on their week one matchup with the Hershey Kisses.
Now I understand the owners of the NFL teams may have felt they needed some immediate inflow of cash into the organization because of plummeting TV ratings, but come on man, do they not have passion for American culture? What else are middle aged white men supposed to yell at on TV during Sundays all year?

Writing this major essay and having to use humor was rather challenging. The most difficult part on my end was to feel confident what I was saying in the paper held the same tone as speaking it. If I was not confident, the humor would not be there, and the essay would lack meaning. Another challenging part of the writing process was thinking of jokes that would be funny to the largest audience. Since my essay was about sports, some people will not understand the subtle sarcasm and satire I threw in throughout the piece. However, people that are fans of the NFL or follow sports in general will understand the humor.
One thing that I discovered while writing this piece is that it was rather enjoyable for me. Typically, I am not a fan of writing; however, this piece and the subject I was writing about fit me and my personality perfectly. I was able to write fluently without any issues. Typically, it is hard for me to get through certain essays because the subject is not enjoyable, or the topic is not significant for me to have any interest. This assignment helped me be more creative and write a piece that I am very confident in.
The model essay I found was a huge help in the way I structured my essay. Using the model essay as inspiration to how my own piece should flow overall made my essay more effective. It also assisted me in thinking of jokes and ways to use humor to further the point I was trying to convey.
I had to diverge from the model essay slightly because it was about video games and mine was about the NFL, but I was able to successfully move around it. I was able to creatively twist the humor in my essay to be similar to the model’s but not the same.

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