Just a fun story about fish, machines, and pollution.
| My fellow denizens of the sea,
Today marks 115 months since the suicide bombing that decimated our once peaceful ocean and took the lives of many. On April 20, 2010, we were invaded by machines from the surface world. Every month we look back on the attack to find answers. Every month we find new victims. Why do they want us harmed? Why do they continue to attack us? Did we anger the machines by not sharing enough of our resources? Let us recount the event once more.
A large boom shook the seabed, black clouds spread, and gas bubbles rose from underneath the towering machine. Our scouting team reported that the machine was engulfed in flame, but others attempted to put out the fire. A strange collection of symbols was seen on the chest of the machine, "D E E P W A T E R H O R I Z O N," so "DP" became shorthand for the event.
At first, we thought the usual cephalopod ink squirting contest got out of hand (those squid and octopi are really competitive), but the situation became dire when some of the returning yellowfins and red snappers in the scouting team fell over and turned blue. Our experts postulated that this was no accident because the machines were trying harder to put out the flames than they were trying to stop the exploded machine's toxic bodily fluids from infecting the ocean.
Luckily, the humans came to our rescue. They cleaned our infected brothers and sisters by wiping away the black poison. They took off the hazardous plastic bindings. They recovered vast amounts of garbage that blotted out the sun. The humans were heroes and they came riding on docile domesticated machines, proving that not all machines were bad. Perhaps it really was an unfortunate and uncontrollable accident?
Months passed and the poison continued to envelope the surrounding sea. The piles of deadly plastic, glass, and metal became difficult to handle, even with the humans mitigating the sea's pollution. Machines continue to be an enigma to our kind. All life originated from our oceans, yet there has never been a single (credible) report about a metallic Megalodon or a plastic Pteraspis. How does an animal even form from metal? We were left struggling to find answers.
Finally, we understood the situation. The scouting team recovered parchments of plastic that illustrated a humanoid machine in an aggressive stance towards humans. Menacing lights lasered from its palm and eyes, while flame rose from its body. On the cover of the parchment read the familiar symbols "I R O N M A N." The evidence was insurmountable: Machines and humans were at war.
When the news broke, pundits were quick to point to the possibility that the machine explosion was not self-induced; rather, the humans attacked the machine. However, there were no reports of humans at the ocean seabed during the time of the incident, and it is unlikely that the humans, who have so much respect for the ocean, would put any of us in danger.
Next came analysis of the strange symbols. Renowned linguistic expert Dr. Flippen Pinker, the dolphin, noticed the similarity between the "DP" machine symbols and the human parchment symbols and concluded that humans and machines likely share a common language. If humans and machines have a means of communication, why can't the machines settle their issues with the humans peacefully?
In the ocean, force is only used to eat, to reproduce, to find shelter, to survive. There are no reports that indicate machines eat humans, have sex with humans, or live in houses of human flesh. Hunting to survive is normal in our society. Humans also hunt in our oceans to eat and sustain their population, but they do not take our lives as trophies or games. Hunting for sport goes against the laws of the ocean. Many experts concluded that machines simply enjoy conflict; however, Pinker stated that while it's likely that machine nature has always comprised inclinations toward violence, it is possible that machines possess inclinations that counteract them, such as self-control, empathy, fairness and reason. However, we have yet to see them.
Since DP, many other machine suicide bombings have taken place all over the world. The machines continue to adapt and have learned that is more effective to spread the poison in smaller quantities across the ocean rather than in concentrated locations. They have also become more aggressive in their production of plastic, glass, and metal into our oceans.
This month the machines took an estimated 250 lives; however, some of our zooplankton experts have that number as high as 25,000,000,000. Among this month's victims was local celebrity Ms. Pearl, the whale, heiress to a popular fast food restaurant chain. Witnesses claim she was shopping with her friends when she just died and floated on up to the surface of the ocean. Friends of Ms. Pearl say she refused to eat for days and had trouble going to the bathroom, both symptoms of plastic stomach syndrome. Some pundits argued that humans may be responsible for the dangerous plastic due to alleged sightings of humans throwing plastic material into the ocean. However, experts quickly refuted that possibility noting that the human body does not produce plastic. While measures have been taken to deal with the black poison, the machines have changed their strategy to a plastic offensive. In recent months, plastic became the leading cause of non-natural deaths in the ocean.
115 months have passed since that dreadful "DP" incident. Black poison clouds continue to spread from machine suiciding bombings. Garbage carpet bombs continue to choke our citizens and steal the sun's essential rays. Even with help from the humans, the ocean environment continues to become more unstable and the future has turned dark and cloudy. I say no more. We cannot continue to sit idly by, hoping that the humans will defeat the machines and save our oceans. We have teeth! We have fins! We have claws! For once, we will give back to the humans! Let's save our ocean!