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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2207924
This is meant to be a joke, and not to be taken seriously.
         There's always a flip side in life to just about everything. For every action there's an opposite and equal reaction. In drivers education classes you hear them preaching all about defensive driving, but you never hear them talk about offensive driving techniques. Just like other things in life there's always another side of the story, and I'm going to take the opportunity in this hub to talk about tips on offensive driving.

         Everybody out there has been behind the wheel of a vehicle at one time or another, and has become very frustrated with a slow moving vehicle that's in front of them. These are the people who seem to have all of the time in the world to get from one place to another. They are commonly known as Sunday drivers, and they aren't the least bit in any hurry whatsoever. It may be because they are old, tired, or just don't have a job to go to, but what ever the reason may be they are just simply getting in everybody's way on the road.

         It's bad enough on two lane back roads, where it sometimes take several miles to find a safe place to pass. However on four lane highways and Interstates, it's hard to even try to comprehend why these ignorant people won't move their slow tails over, and allow a busy person to pass on by. I mean what ever happened to simple common courtesy, and the rule of slower traffic driving in the right hand lane. Everyone has seen this type of activity & behavior, and I'm going to share some offensive driving tips to combat this rude ignorance.

10 Offensive Driving Tips

1. Honking your horn continuously at these slow drivers is a surefire way of getting their undivided attention.

2. Turn your high beams on to blind them, which is especially effective with oncoming traffic during nighttime driving.

3. Pass them on the shoulder of the roadway to get around them. A little bit of gravel flying around in the air won't hurt anybody. (Going the wrong way on the shoulder isn't a very smart idea. I once saw someone try this in a rather lengthy construction back up, and a policeman was waiting further on down the shoulder to greet them.)

4. If necessary pass them in the dirt or grass medium between the North & South or East & West bound lanes. Just be mindful and on the look out for guard rails, ditches, and other possible obstructions.

5. Give them an ear full by screaming and yelling at the top of your lungs at them.

6. Give them a hand signal to let them know exactly how you feel. You'll discover that certain hand motions will get different emotions, and reactions back in return.

7. Throwing an object at them like a half empty can of beer or soda will do the trick too.

8. Sticking your tongue out at them or giving them a mean dirty look will turn a head or two as well.

9. If all else fails give, them a gentle tap on their rear bumper, and ram or push them out of your way.

10. You can also use a combination of all nine of these techniques, which should most certainly get your message across.

When these slow pokes finally get the message, and move out of your way, then you can get back on the way to where you're going. Just remember that you have as much of a right on the road as these slow pokes do, and these ten different offensive driving tips will help you get on your way faster.

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