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by She
Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Emotional · #2208150
You can love everyone and anyone before you can even love your own reflection.
When I was 17 I was told that I could not love anyone before I could learn to love myself.
I was told this by my mom while driving home.
I stopped the car for a brief second and laughed, I laughed until I cried.
I laughed because I called bullshit on the idea.
I laughed because I have loved so many people, and I could never even love my own reflection.
I hate the way I look.
I hate the way my skin stretches, I hate all the little freckles and moles that cover my body, I hate how my thighs touch, I hate how I still have some chubbiness to me, I hate how easily my skin can breakout, I hate the fact my skin easily blushes and pales, I hate the way I laugh, I hate the way I smile because every little lift of my lips break out in wrinkles, I hate the way my mind doesn't let me sleep, I hate the way my mind keeps me overly vigilant and so overly anxious, and I hate the way my depression can take me over so easily.
Don't you get it?
I hate me, and I don't love a single fucking thing about me.
But guess what.
I can openly say I love my best friends.
I love their laughs, I love their smiles, I love them and the people they are.
I love how each of them laugh for different reasons.
I love how they are always there for me.
I simply love them, and I love having them in my life.

I loved my first girlfriend.
I loved how she had mocha skin, and how she had all these little quirks.
I loved her laugh and the snort that would follow.
I loved how her smile was framed and perfect.
I loved how she fit against me while hugging, as if we were two pieces of a puzzle.
I loved her, and I loved all her little imperfections.

I can openly say how I loved my first boyfriend.
I loved his pale skin and all the little freckles and moles that decorated it.
I loved the way I could make constellations across his skin.
I loved that he was tall and could wrap me up in the biggest hug.
I loved how smart and goofy he was.
I loved how he would give a loud, belly-laugh whenever he was excited and happy.
I loved him, and I loved all his little imperfections.

So yes, I call bullshit on self-love and how you need it to love others.
Because I admit that I HATE everything about me and I don't think that is going to change anytime soon.
But THEM, the people in my life, oh God, I LOVE them.
I love everyone and anyone, even if it means I hate everything about myself.
Self-love is a joke because I give out every piece of love I can, but I can never seem to keep a piece for myself.
I laugh at self-love because it is not going to stop me from loving anyone, and it shouldn't have to be something that stops you from understanding the meaning of love.
Self-love isn't necessary to love others, self-love is a cruel joke for me.
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