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Rated: 13+ · Letter/Memo · Personal · #2209148
Goals for the year 2020 and reflection on the the year 2019.
Dear Me,

What would you call 2019? From where I sit, here, with time to look at the whole of it with hindsight, I ask you, what the heck just happened?

You started the year with a job, but then illness took over your son. So then you, with the stress of weeks away from work, and having to catch up on it, and the problems that rained down that kept you from being able to catch up, drowned that job right away. Months felt wasted while you applied to other employment, and your savings and credit accounts dried up.

Your spirit shriveled. When you did find work, you struggled to rebuild, and that job burned a hole through you. I've never seen you so angry, and you've had crap jobs before. Everything continued to crumble. You were attacked.

But you fought back. You fought your way out of that place. Why did you do it then when you've submitted to worse?

I think I know. You weren't fighting for yourself. It wasn't for you. It was for your kids. You've never had them watch you toil with your head down. You've always planned for them to have more, to have better. They wouldn't see you surviving, they were going to see you win. They had to see you win.

Even if it meant tightening your belt and pulling yourself up, tattered and torn. And carrying your head high, no matter how heavy your world felt.

The load started to lighten early in July. You met someone who was excited about you, someone who made you feel excited about yourself. He gave you the opportunity to shine, and he expected (and still expects) you to grow beyond what he offered. It hasn't been easy, but you know you can do it.

You know that, right?

I know you've decided to not make big plans for this year. I know you want to take the baby steps to put your life back on the track you've always wanted. On the track that will give your kids more, better, than what you have been struggling to give them.

But I know that to keep your head up, you have to set your sights among the stars. I know that you have to keep moving forward, and that if you don't have a map, then you don't know where the destination is, never mind how to get there. Your spirit doesn't have Waze. So let's follow this map, right here.

Keep the idea in your heart that your family need you as much as they need the money, and the school, and grilled cheese sandwiches you feed them. Remember that they love you so much, no matter what.

Follow your dreams, no matter how impossible they seem. You have everything you need to accomplish them. You have a good man to help you get there. You know he'll support you, every step of the way.

Challenge yourself. Don't settle. There's nothing wrong with growing comfortable, but don't let that stop you from trying to do something more, something you may not have ever done before. Something that's hard for you. If you're climbing a mountain, and your grip slips and you fall behind a few feet, you're still up on a mountain that most people will only look at.

Remember, it's growing out of the hard times that makes characters in a book interesting. You survived 2019, so you'll always know that everything 2020 can throw at you is something you can handle. And while you're at it, why don't you drop me a line every once in a while?

Love always,

(Word count: 610)
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