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Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2209397
A man tries to explain his nakedness to a police officer. A Dialogue 500 challenge.
“May I see your license and … oh. Why are you naked?”

“I was in a hurry.”

“Sir, public nudity is illegal.”

“But I--”

Sir. Please cover yourself.”

“With what?”

“Anything. It doesn't matter. A floor mat. Your hand. Anything.”

“Can't you just turn away?”

“Alright, step out of the car. Now!”

“Okay. If you say so.”

“Put your hands on top of your head.”

“You have to be kidding. You want me to expose--”

“Face your vehicle. Then put your hands on top of your head.”

“Aren't you going to tell me to spread my legs so you can frisk me?”

“Don't get cute. You're already in a lot of trouble, so don't make it worse.”

“Sorry. This is just a little awkward.”

“For both of us. Now suppose you tell me why you were in such a hurry that you couldn't be bothered to put on some clothes.”

“Well, you're going to laugh when I tell you.”

“I'm not laughing now. So please. Humor me.”

“I was getting ready to mow the lawn.”

“In the nude?”

“Of course not. But just as I started the mower, a bee got up the leg of my shorts and stung me. And I'm allergic to bee stings, so I needed to get to a doctor. And I needed to make sure the bee wasn't still in my shorts, so I pulled them off.”

“You were going to mow the lawn wearing no shirt or shoes?”

“Well, it's hot.”

“Sir, it's seventy degrees. That's warm, but it's hardly hot.”

“Officer, I really need to get to a doctor.”

“Do you have anything in your car that you can use to cover up? Not only is public nudity illegal, but I'm sure it won't be welcome in the waiting room of a doctor's office.”

“I might have something in the trunk.”

“Open it. Slowly. And keep your hands – but nothing else - where I can see them.”

“I guess I could use this old rag. It's kind of greasy, but---”

“It will do. Cover yourself, get back into your car, and drive to your doctor's office. And I'll be right behind you, just to make sure you get there.”

“Thanks. And officer?”


“Please forget you saw this.”

“Believe me, sir. I'm already trying.”

379 words
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