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Rated: 18+ · Non-fiction · Comedy · #2211100
The beginning of a story about evading Vietnam.
                              1967, University of Florida, Murphree area, sled b, top floor on the right is where this story begins. I mean there was plenty that led me there but I want to focus on the next 6 or 7 years. It was my first year of college and being a very undisciplined sort I didn't do very good there.
I never really studied in High School, most things came pretty easy for me and I was always willing to get a "C" instead of working my ass off to do better. My father insisted that I take pre med. He said even if I didn't want to be a doctor then I could easily go another direction. He didn't realize that pre med was probably the hardest curriculum in the school.
1967, Vietnam was going strong. The draft was a solid concern for anyone my age but I didn't worry about it because I was in school. I was in la la land. I was in the land of panty raids and rock concerts. It was the land of poker and spades all night and football and getting stoned.
Nobody cared if you went to classes or not. There really wasn't any homework or discussions about anything. Your grade was determined by the midterm and the final. That was it. Two tests determined your grade. No one cared if you passed or failed.
I did ok in most subjects but others I just didn't care about. Logic was a stupid class. It seemed so easy but then I got the worst grades. Chemistry 101 sucked. There was about 400 people in the class. It was in this big auditorium. The professor comes out and he has the worst German accent you could imagine. I couldn't understand a word he said. I didn't go to too many of those lectures and I flunked the course.
My roommate was a guy that I was in the first grade with. His name was Earl. He was a quiet sort and had very disciplined way about him that probably kept us out of a lot of jams. When I got there, he was just finishing up setting up his top of the line stereo system.
"Have you heard of "Love"?" he says.
I think he is getting a little weird on me and since we are going to be sleeping in the same room I retort, "I don't know Earl, I think
you better keep it to yourself."
Hi laughs and puts on a record. "They are awesome, I think I like them as much as "The Doors."
Not only did he have the best music in the world, most of which I had barely heard but he had a guy coming over to sell us some pot. I had never smoked before but that all changed pretty quickly.
It was easy to waste time there. There was always somebody who wanted to do something. Mostly it was cards or handball or football or mushroom hunting out at "Payne's Prairie."
These mushrooms grew right out of cow shit and they would get you stoned as shit. Mostly it was about laughing. You couldn't stop. They also tasted like shit so you had to disguise them with something else. Once we chopped them up and put them in some V-8 juice. I will never drink that stuff again.
On Wednesday nights we would go across the street to an ice cream parlor that had a TV and watch "Star Trek." All of the shows had a little something to say about our times and we felt like we were intellectuals after watching such a deep show.
I had a girlfriend back in Orlando so every weekend I would make a psychedelic looking poster that said "University of Florida student to Orlando." Then I would go up to the corner and in no time would get a ride to Orlando. It was about three hours south of us.
Sometimes Earl would go with me and one weekend, he and guy named Bob Gentry went with me. About half way home we got picked up by this kind of an overly painted mid aged lady. She was the type that painted her eyebrows on she wore some tight pants and a low cut top exposing some huge tits.
Bob and Earl are up front and I am riding in the back when I begin to notice all these "fuck" magazines on the floor. Up front I can hear them talking about something about a cigar. I then hear her say "The DA in Leesburg bet somebody that I could smoke one. He won a hundred dollars on that." I'm thinking 'what is so hard about smoking a cigar when I hear her say, "and I don't use my mouth."
Bob or Earl chime right in with that and say "well I would like to see that," so she just whips into this station and sends me in to get a cigar. When I come back she complains that it is a cheap one but we go on down the road a ways and she turns down this smaller road and pulls over.
Somehow she gets in the middle between Bob and Earl pulls her panties off and spreads these kind of oversized thighs. She then sticks the cigar in her mouth and gets it all wet and then slides into her pussy.
We are just out of high school and this is just more than we take. Our eyes are bugging out of our heads. She says, "light me up," and hands the lighter over her shoulder to me. I then lean over the top of her and flic my bic.
She begins to move her stomach around this way and that way and sure enough the cigar starts tugging on the flame. She wiggles and wiggles and soon she has a big cherry going. It's not easy to light a cigar. You have to suck on it pretty hard to get it going. She had no problem.
The nastiest part of the whole thing was after a little sucking she would then expel the smoke with this furious farting noise. It was this kind of dry flapping of skin that just made you want to puke. Who thought a pussy could fart like that.
She then kind of leans back and you can tell she wants one of us to do something but we are all unwilling. I think we were just afraid that one of us would tell everyone so none of us could even think about it.
We quickly made our excuses of how late we were and had to go and so forth and so on and left her there in all of her shame. I felt sorry for her.
We got a ride right away in the back of pickup truck and as we were whizzing along at 70 miles and hour, trying to light a cigarette, we were in the twilight zone. At least we thought we were.
Bob Gentry became a helicopter pilot and went to Vietnam. He didn't come back. He missed the next 50 or 60 years of his life. At least he got to fly a helicopter and see a lady smoke a cigar in her pussy.

Earl's Email
Hey! We played Okinawa gin and I was the one who said I would like to see that. Remember she drove very fast past us, then turned around, came back and picked us up. She was drinking a bottle of Sidecar brandy, with another empty one on the floorboard. She was very drunk and driving 90 mph. Definitely the craziest thing I have ever experienced. Also, remember that time we were picking mushrooms with Nancy and her friend on Payne's Prairie. All of a sudden I look at one of y'all and realize you have no clothes on, and said "you're naked!". Then when one of y'all said "so are you." Laughed so hard when I realized that indeed I was and didn't even remember taking off my clothes. Another one of our great stories. Love ya brother. GOD bless.

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