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Rated: E · Fiction · Contest Entry · #2211104
Explain it to the cop! - Dialogue 500 contest

WC 499

“Why are you pulling me over?”

“Well, ma’am, there was a wreck back there. And your car was mentioned as causing it.”

“I don’t remember a wreck. I’m just out driving in my brand new car.”

“And it’s a very nice convertible. What year?”

“This is a vintage 1965 Mustang. I’ve saved for years for this car.”

“Yes, ma’am. It’s a nice car, has a nice chassis. But how can a 1965 car be considered brand new?”

“Well, it’s new to me. But I still don’t understand how I caused an accident.”

“Well, ma’am, you see the two trucks were distracted, they say. They were watching you in your nice new-to-you car and ran into each other. So they said.”

“I still don’t understand. Why would they be watching me?”

“Ma’am, you do know you are naked in this convertible?”

“Oh, that. Yes, I do know that. Is that illegal?”

“Well, I think causing a public hazard is illegal. Can you tell me why you happen to be driving while naked?”

“Officer, it’s a long story. Do you have some time?”

“Yes, ma’am. Take your time.”

“So, this morning I get up, try to find my clothes, somehow all my clothes are gone. Disappeared. Well, sir, when a woman wakes up and finds that all her clothes are gone, she just has to go and find more. Right?”


“Right. A woman has to take charge of the situation. I personally think it was that scoundrel George. He’d do something like that to just be ornery. He’s got a warped sense of humor, you know? Anyway, so I get a shower, since I don’t want to get my new car seat all dirty, you know?”


“So then I get into the car and start driving. I think I can go to the thrift store and get some clothes. You know, those clothes are as good as new ones at half the price. But I have to stop and get gas first. So I stop to get gas, and it took a bit of time, because the pump wouldn’t work right, so the attendant had to come out, and then he had to call someone else to come out and soon there was a crowd. But eventually we got the gas problem figured out and I started back on my trip to find clothes. But now I am stopped here at the side of the road talking to you!”

“Well, that’s a very interesting story.”

“I know! But I still don’t have any clothes. Are you going to give me a ticket for driving naked?”

“I don’t think I can legally cite you for diving while naked. But I can stop you and give you a warning for causing panic.”

“I hope this won’t take too much more of my time. I’m already late.”

“Late for what?”

“Well, now I have to go find that wicked George so we can deliver meals on wheels."

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