When you're looking for a new job, sometimes you take what you can get...
|SCREAMS!!! Entry 2/4/20
Theme: YOU'VE BEEN MADE REDUNDANT AT YOUR JOB. YOUR AMORAL BOSSES SENT YOU TO THIS SOMEWHAT...ECCENTRIC...EMPLOYMENT COUNSELOR. HOW YOU WISH YOU'D CHECKED THEIR YELP RATING…
“Keep in mind that you can always donate plasma for a little extra income while you’re looking for a job. In fact, I have a needle and setup right here, and I’ll just pay you in cash...” said Mr. Abaddon with a something-is-very-wrong-with-me smile.
If Linden had seen the man sitting across the desk from him on the street, he would have given him a wide berth. Why had the HR person who had laid him off sent him here of all places!
The buzzing, flickering fluorescent bulb above him seemed to be on in its last few minutes of life. It barely lit Abaddon’s office but was considerably more effective in contributing to Linden’s rapidly intensifying headache. The bulb’s partner had already died the moment he had walked in the room.
Resting his elbow on the arm of the chair, Linden cocked his head and rested his temple on two fingers. He felt like raising her thumb in a “kill me” gesture, mimicking a gun to the head, but instead rested his jaw on his thumb. He was worried this man might take the alternative gesture as some sort of invitation. He was having a bad enough day as it was.
“Um, no thanks,” Linden replied dryly. “I’m not a big fan of needles.”
“Okay, then. Let’s see what job openings we have for you.” Abaddon clicked the mouse a few times before speaking again. “We have an organ donation solicitation specialist… hmm… oh yes! And a bone marrow transplant clinic data entry clerk… And this one looks like a wonderful opportunity! It’s a personal assistant job for an amputation surgeon!”
“Do you have anything that doesn’t involve the extraction or elimination of body parts or bodily fluids?”
Abaddon’s lips drew downward in a frown.
“Why would you want a job like that when there are so many better ones out there?”
“Let’s just say I’m not a huge fan of scalpels either.”
“I see.” His eyes turned to his computer screen once more. “Perfect! How about this one? Funeral service manager!”
The idea of working around dead bodies and embalming all the time wasn’t particularly appealing either.
“You know what? I think I might try another employment counselor. Thanks, anyway.”
That night, Linden rolled over in bed, sensing something wrong. Fluttering groggily open, Linden’s eyes found another pair of shining eyes in the dark room. Instantly alert, he flew out of bed, launching himself at the intruder. His body reacted instinctively, his military experience from years ago letting him know that he would need the element of surprise if his adversary was armed.
As he rode the mysterious trespasser to the ground, out of the shadow of the bed, he caught a glimpse of the man’s face in the moonlight. It was the employment counselor. Somehow, he wasn’t entirely surprised. The freaky man had clearly had some sort of fixation with death and removal of organs and fluids. Well, he wan't about to let this man take any of his!
The two men grunted and struggled on the floor of Linden’s bedroom, when he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his back. What was that? It couldn’t be the employment counselor; he had both of that man’s wrists in his grasp!
He craned his neck to see behind him as he felt warm liquid flow down his back. He saw slender legs in black leggings.
He rolled off the counselor, feeling the handle of the knife hit the floor, driving it still further into his heart from behind. He looked up and saw…
...his company’s HR person--the same woman who had stabbed him in the back metaphorically earlier in the day! She was also the one who had referred him to the organ-extraction obsessed employment counsellor... and also the same one who held a scalpel in her right hand.
“My position was made redundant as well. I went to see Mr. Abaddon here, and, well... I took one of his jobs." Her expression was vaguely apologetic, just as it had been when she had fired me.
My vision faded as the pair knelt beside me, scalpels raised, ready to go to work.