by Tina Stone
In the spirit of the month...My attempt at seduction goes horribly wrong.
|I do not know why I dated him as long as I did. We were polar opposites, but I guess in some ways he fascinated me. He was raised in several large cities. Dallas and Austin. He was worldly, sophisticated, educated; he knew about so many things I had no clue about and for some reason he was bent on educating me on the finer aspects of life. He was a manager in a high dollar department store in the Mall in San Antonio. He was 100% a city boy. In fact, he hated most everything to do with the county.
I was embarrassed by the gifts he would give me. They were brand named things he bought at the department store. He was always bringing me beautiful high heel shoes, clothes, real leather handbags, the perfume I could never pronounce. He liked me to wear these things when we went out. I don't think he was impressed with my mama's homemade dresses she made me. Oh, and the places he took me to eat...one meal would take my whole pay for a month. He didn't bat an eye. He also liked teaching me the proper way to act. Proper way to talk. Proper way to even eat. I often wondered if there was a proper way to go pee?
I'll be the first to admit, after a while, the stubborn, ornery, southern girl started taking a perverse pleasure in intentionally doing something I knew he would disapprove of. I loved seeing him get all flushed and exasperated. He tried so hard to keep composed, but well. Yeah. I'm kinda mean that way.
Well, we'd been dating for nearly two months when I decided to ask him over to my house for dinner. A home-cooked dinner. I lived a good ten miles in the country, on a road that went from gravel to dirt to nothing...you had to cross two cattle guards, as my trailer sat smack dab in a horse pasture. Across the small field, was a narrow walkway and small pond and then my sister's property started. There was a winding trail that led to her gravel drive. She had a modest five-horse stall barn that set off to one side.
After we had our dinner, I casually suggested we talk a walk. He was not to keen on this, being it was dark and not very well lit up. However, I talked him into it. When we got near my sister's barn I told him I'd like to show him my sister's new horse. He was not overly thrilled but he was humoring me. Once in the barn, I started kissing him and asked if he ever wondered what it would be like to make out in a big pile of hay.
No. No he most definitely had not. But, he was responding to my kisses. The horses greeted us and I warned him he had to be quiet. He was getting into the whole kissing thing and we had gotten comfortable on the hay. We were both in a semi undressed state when something spooked the horses. I warned him again to be quiet...
My brother in law came out with his shotgun and yelled if anyone was out there. I kissed my boyfriend so he'd be quiet and I thought we were going to escape detection when my brother in law fired two loud shots in the air over the barn and my boyfriend let out something cross between a shriek and a scream and stumbled over his pants as he tried to run. The horses freaked out, my brother in law flipped every spotlight on flooding the place with light, my sister came running out of the house, the chickens got in on the commotion as well and the horrible, horrible person I am, I could not stop laughing. I laughed so hard I cried. Caught red-handed!
Let's just say he didn't speak to me for nearly three weeks despite my attempts to apologize and make up for it. Lesson learned. Do Not Seduce A City Boy in A Barn.