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Rated: E · Article · Satire · #2215095
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For generations, our family has shared a recipe to enjoy the authentic Chinese meal experience from the comfort of your own home. A taste sensation that appeases the appetite while alleviating the spirit.

At Tabvoid News, we're sharing this exclusive recipe to you, our readers.

1.) Discuss with your significant other on meal choices for the evening. Immediately claim there's nothing in the freezer or complain about the lack of other food in the cupboards.

Steer clear from options other than a Chinese Meal, stick to your guns.

2.) Source a fresh authentic Chinese menu, they're usually found in a drawer, newspaper/magazine holder or could be recently delivered through the letterbox and poised innocently by your front door.

3.) Gently prepare a meal in mind, spend around five minutes deciding each course to help ensure the best flavours. Let a complete set to simmer in your thoughts, once it's ready, progress to phase 4.

4.) Use a conventional telephone device, dial the number on said menu and phone an order through to the authentic Chinese takeaway service. Be polite but make sure it's not overdone, keep the conversation on low until it's finished.

5.) Wait patiently for the meal to arrive. Avoid negative thoughts of the meal not turning up due to a human error. Practice using chopsticks in the meantime with two biro pens even though your fully intent on using the eating utensils you've already set out.

6.) When the meal arrives it's time to slowly remove the bag from the drivers hand, and exchange currency to add the finishing touches. Do not allow him to entice you into paying him a tip, let him pretend he's not got the right change without any emotional response, even if he mentions how cold it is. He's a delivery driver, he's use to it!

There you have it!

Follow this recipe for a guaranteed authentic Chinese eating experience at home every time!
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