Chapter Two of the Book
|My husband wrote this short book a long time ago. He never published it. Maybe you can help me get it ready for publication by helping me with spot any typos, suggest corrections, or anything else. Thanks.|
I am going to submit each section or chapter separately.
What if there are children involved (God forbid!)? You are mostly ignoring the fact that they are the only true victims in the whole situation. While you wallow in the mire of self-pity and anger toward that guy, they will not only be fatherless but now also motherless. You will tell yourself that you are still there, that you did not leave. You will tell yourself that that in itself should be enough, but the truth is far from that. Your body may be there, but you are somewhere else in your mind trying to punish him for what you believe he did. You probably spend much time fantasizing about arguments between him and yourself. You probably spend a lot of time crying over in the corner (or in your room alone), leaving the children to fend for themselves.
When you do deal with them, you are probably cross with them. Make remarks at them that you really want to say to your man. They just have to take the brunt of it since he’s not around. The children probably get on your nerves all the time now. They aren’t even the ones you’re mad at, but they’ll do until you can lash out at him.
The children, while having done nothing to deserve any part of what is happening to either of you, are dragged through the violence, threats, and emotional abuses of two “grown” adults who are more than willing to use them as pawns in their personal battles and vendettas. To many people, (women as well as men) suffering what you are going through, children are just weapons to use in attacking the spouse.
Women will viciously attack that man for not loving his children enough to contribute to their support, and then turn around and punish the children by keeping them from seeing their father. Makes sense right? The jerk does wrong so the children have to pay for it? What’s wrong with this picture?
The argument that he should not be able to see his children because he has not paid any child support, is a lousy reason for not letting the children see their father. Or, what is it, do they have to pay you something too so that they can see their father? OK, be angry at him, but don't make the children suffer because of your feelings.
“They don't want to see him anyway!” one of my counselee’s said to me once. She was convinced that they felt that way because she asked them and she said they told her so. In truth, they only said that because they knew that if they said anything different that she would show her displeasure.
Your children are afraid of losing you as well. They don't know that if they tell you they want to see their dad that you won’t leave too. You can't prove different. If one parent leaves, then the other can as well. It has happened you know. And, you should not use the tired old line that they know you wouldn’t lie to them. They heard that from their dad, and where is he? They’ll say whatever they think you want to hear.
In the case of the children I mentioned, they did tell their mom they did not want to see their dad. Bu the first time they actually got a chance to see him, they jumped all over him laughing and crying at the same time with the happiness of just being with him. This left the mom all confused as to what they had told her, and how they were reacting. She realized that she had fooled herself, and had been punishing her children to get at him.
If you want to do God’s job and punish your man, then at least love your children enough not to use them as a weapon. If you claim that he is proving that he doesn’t really love his children by his actions, then don't turn around and do the same by depriving your children either.