I have desired to quit and to give up, but though the reasons still exist, I won't now.
| At this point, I could never give up
It is still not clear what I have to fight for, I still have no idea what direction I want to head, but what I know is that I no longer have the urge to quit. It is more like I no longer have the luxury to look back; it is a backward never, forward ever situation.
I am writing this because I feel it deep inside me and the pressure with which it comes can only be tamed by sharing; and who is better to hear the story, than you my favorites? We might have never met, or might even never meet, but at this moment I give you access to the innermost and most recent information of me. We are connecting at a firsthand level, now let's sail.
I have had dreams, I have seen myself at a place higher than where I am, or where I have ever been. Dreams and ambitions that have denied me the treat of appetite and sleep, and made me believe I was not working hard enough. If you read that again, you'd be defining stress and real depression. I have hated a lot of things around me, as I have imagined that maybe my surrounding does not just allow me to succeed as I desire.
Someone told me that need attracts provision; now I can't believe I believed it. This is thing number one on my stress list, like I thought I would just receive some divine provision just because the need for the money existed.
Someone else told me that the right time would just come, and I can't fall for that any longer. That is thing number two on my stress list. I have waited and waited, and it is not pleasant anymore that I continue waiting. I hate the fact that I am aware of my potential, but happenings around me just force me to continue waiting.
What I would agree with is start small, and see what you have built grow. We have always been encouraged to have dreams and to work towards them, but this has just led me into overthinking. Every time I try to implement what I am thinking, something else would always come in between me and the success I desire. I have been discouraged, I have imagined success is just not my portion, I have desired to die, I have hated people, I have hated life and so much more
I still do not have anything clearly figured out; as a matter of fact, I do not know what I am doing with my life next month, but one thing I am sure about is that I am not quitting. It is just not an option; or, let's imagine it was, where would I quit to? What would I do with myself, would I be a street kid, like seriously, at this age? Would I kill myself, like I have no idea who I am? Would I go into drugs, with all the information, from books, teachers and even real-life experiences, about the effects of different kinds of them? No, I won't.
I am not going anywhere. This is my life and it must count, and what would that mean if the struggles that help me define it were absent. How would it count if I had everything figured out for me? What would my life mean if someone spoon-fed me with all the information, and readily provided all my needs? That would be a soft slope that everyone desires, but up to now, I have learned to associate my life with the quality and originality it gains from my daily struggles, I'm not hopeless, don't mistake. In fact, I am hopeful that the fights I have will count, that is why I am not giving up now!!!