|Feeling lonely while being surrounded by all these people is a skill I’ve gained recently. That’s what people say to me. “You’re skilled at that kind of things.” They see it. They see that I’m lonely. I feel lonely. And they say it to my face as if it’s something I do on purpose. They say it as if it’s a gift from my personality.|
There’s another thing I hear from them a lot lately. “You look depressed.” I’m depressed. They know it. But they just say it out loud. They say it as if trying to find a solution to my problem - if I have one. But never more than that. They say it, and then start talking about their problems. They want me to find solutions for their problems, but never try to find any for mine. I don’t want them to find me a solution anyway. I just want them to listen, so that I won’t drown in my thoughts.
I always hear people talking about other people. They say you should never trust people. People are all selfish they say. People only think of themselves. You’ll always be the second lead in other people's stories.
“Not my people,” I’d think, while listening to those words. “My people - the people I surround myself with - would never do that.”
However, I’ve discovered that there’s no such thing as ‘my people’. There’s only me. I’ve also learned there’s only them. So, yes, they’ll always care about themselves first.
A long time has passed since I last heard those warnings. Now, I finally have my very own warnings to my juniors: I know you believe in your people now, at the peak of your friendship, but never forget the fact that there'll always be a downhill slide, right after that peak. Either try to remain firmly on top of that peak or run down that hill as soon as you possibly can, once when you get the feeling that you should.