Vidcon is over... :(
As the last day made its appearance faster than I could have imagined, I had completely taken advantage of being in LA these past four days, and I wish it wouldn't have gone so fast. The sun began to rise, little rays peaking through the curtains telling me it is time to wake up. I glance at my watch which reads 6:45 am. I have exactly nine hours before my flight leaves back to Utah, and this whole trip becomes a dream. My thoughts began to take over, the conversation I had with Colby three days ago keeps replaying in my head... "If you choose to accept, you will have to stay in contact..." I was afraid, I had made a fool out of myself. What if he doesn't bother, tosses me aside like every other fan he has. My anxiety started to kick in, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, limbs and head. Why was I so caught up about someone who has over two million followers? I was delusional for even remotely thinking I had so much as an opportunity to make that man the slightest bit happy. I couldn't stop these thoughts, I laid starring at the ceiling petrified, until Abs barged in my room.
"Chloe, let's go! Get ready! What are you doing? It is our last day here in LA, and I am not letting you waste it by laying in bed all day!" She insisted. I couldn't move. I was frozen by the anxiety that was washed over my body. Stiff as a board, she looked at me concerned.
"What's wrong?" I couldn't respond.
"Chloe?" She started to panic, but she knew exactly what was wrong.
Abs always knew my anxiety could get out of hand. She knew that when I couldn't stop my brain from producing too many thoughts at once it would basically paralyze me, she just never expected to see it. Since she lived in Tennessee, and I lived in Utah, she never had to experience one of these episodes, and the only way I would get out of them is to be held and talked to softly until I am able to break out of the trance, Abs didn't know that...
Abs could hear a crowd of people walking through the hallway and decided to run for help. She opened the door right as Sam, Colby, Kat, Tara, and Jake were walking passed our room.
"Hey, I remember you, from the show Wednesday night, right?" Colby started smiling, and continued, "Where's your friend?"
"Oh, um, see here's the thing, she's kind of in a little... Uh... Colby can I talk to you in private?" Abs sounded worried.
"Yeah... Guys I'll catch up with you." Sam and the others went on their way, wherever they were headed, while Colby stayed back with Abs.
"Colby, shes having one of her episodes... Whenever she gets too anxious she freezes, and...and I don't know how to help her... She's basically paralyzed Colby." Abs was almost in tears, she was extremely worried about me, I could tell by the tone of her voice.
"Where is she..." Colby didn't even blink an eye. So willing to help Abs brought him to me, laying in the bed, with tears running down my face still unable to move he looked at me.
"Are you okay?" he stood over me, "What's her name?" he asked Abs,
"I know what this is, and I know how to solve it, but I'm going to need a minute to talk to her to make sure she's okay with me doing this..." he looked at Abs, waiting for her response, or mine.
"Yeah, go ahead, I'll uh...be over here..."
He stood over me once again, looking at me, I could see his eyes examining me, my body, my face, it was like it was taking a mental image. He then sat beside me on the bed,
"Chloe, it's Colby... Your friend here seems to be very worried about you, and I'm here to help." he whispered in a low, calm voice.
I started to grunt so he knew I could hear him.
"Do you mind if I hold your hand?" he looked at me as he began to pull the blanket down to access my hands. I nodded slightly, he noticed, slowly placing his hand on mine and rubbing is thumb on my skin.
"You're going to be okay baby girl..." he stayed there for a while. I could feel his soft, warm skin on mine, calming my nerves. I felt the tension in my body slowly loosening as he continued to talk to me only in whispers. He told me that he read my letter, and he wasn't going to reply, or at least not right away. He wanted to make sure that the show and venue had ended the way he wanted to, and make sure his friends as well as himself got home safely after VidCon to do anything. I understood. Eventually I was able to wiggle my fingers, and it was then that he leaned down resting his head on mine.
"I know why you're going through this... It's anxiety. You're having paralysis because your body has taken much more than it could handle. I get this way too, and unfortunately I don't have the luxury of having this release." I slowly looked over at him. He...he had this too? He goes through this too?
Finally, about an hour later, I was able to sit up in the bed. I looked at Colby and smiled.
"Thank you." He smiled back. I never thought about anyone else going through this. He stayed there holding my hand for a while longer. Keeping his eyes focused on me. Abs eventually made her way back over to the bed and gasped.
"Oh my...you did it Colby! How did you manage...?" He looked over at her,
"It takes a lot of time, and I know it sucks to go through this alone. I'm happy I could help." he brought his eyes back to mine, when his phone started to ring, he released my hand and checked his phone.
"Uh, it's Sam... I have to get going." he stood up, "I'm glad I could help you guys out." Smiling he started to leave the room, still looking at his phone. I smiled at Abs, as she sat down with me, hugging me for a while.
"I'm so sorry this happened." Abs started crying again,
"It's okay Abs, you couldn't have known, I'm just glad Colby was in the right place at the..." My phone began to ring...