Carol buries her mother
|I'll have a Bailey's Irish cream thank you and
keep them coming.
You know it's not fair really.
I just went to my mother's funeral.
That bitch, forgive me but there is no other word,
That bitch died before I could tell her
what I thought of her. It's just not fair.
Do you know what she did to me.
You probably won't believe half of it,
Bu I'll tell you anyway. Where's my drink.
When I was five years old she belted me so hard
that I had to go to hospital.
All because I wet the bed. That crazy witch.
I wet the bed because I was terrified of her.
Actually being in hospital wasn't so bad.
At least she couldn't yell at me, not with
Ah yes and the boyfriends. Don't get me started.
Where is my drink? I should be blind by now.
There was Tommy. Oh he was cute. But of course
Mother didn't like him did she. Oh no he
wasn't tall enough or rich enough or something.
I was 16 and my Mother told him I still wet the bed.
I have never been so embarrassed. In fact I could date
anyone for years after that.
Not until Adrian. The one man I truly loved.
He was going to give me the stars and the moon
He was my saviour my one true love.
Until he met Mother.
Do you know what she said to him.
I remember that little speech word for word.
"Adrian I need to tell you some things about Carol.
She's Gay. Yes it pains a Mother to say such things,
but I have seen her in bed with her girlfriends. Kissing."
Kissing my foot I was just experimenting with Lisa
from School We were just crazy teenagers.
Lisa was gay but I was confused back then.
Actually I'm surprised I didn't go gay the way Mother
treated my boyfriends.
She never once had a conversation with me.
It was always criticism. You look like a slut.
She used to call me a slut every other week.
But I guess I had the last laugh.
At the funeral when everyone was gone
I squatted down on my Mother's grave and
urinated all over it. Finally putting my week bladder
to some good use. Good bye Mother.