|After Robert had moved away, I tried to keep my mind occupied. I started hanging out with friends and going out more. My parents were pretty strict so I was limited on my fun. They started trusting me to stay at home more and more. We would throw parties as much as we could. I looked older then my age so we would go to the local college, meet up with some guys, and invite them over to drink. We managed to always find someone to buy us beer so no ever questioned us.
We went to stripes one night and that's where I first met Eric. He was very good looking and all I had to do was smile. I told him we were throwing a party and he should go. He agreed and I gave him my number. I honestly didn't think he would show up. I thought he was just trying to humor this random, crazy girl. The party was in full swing and we were having a blast. My cousin had showed up so we were getting everyone drunk, including my little brother. All of a sudden my phone rings. I answer it and to my surprise it was Eric. I'll just say this, I suck at giving directions. Add alcohol to that mix and I'm down right horrible. So there I was outside trying to give this poor guy directions to my house. He finally showed and I was so excited to see him. We talked all night. I even remember asking him to dance with me. I really liked him. I could see myself with him. The party died down and everyone was either passed out or leaving. We went back to my room and hooked up. No sex, I think he was nervous. So there we slept in my bed, naked, together. The next morning in walks my aunt. I was like great I'm in so much trouble. She walked outside and I followed. All she said was to be careful and everyone needed to leave. I went back inside and woke everyone up. I found out my best friend had slept with my cousin so that was interesting. I went back to my room and he was getting dressed. We laughed and I walked him to his car. I never kept in touch with him and left it at that. It wasn't until a couple of months later when I befriended the new girl in school did I see him again.
They were both from the same home town and her mom had offered to let him live with them while he went to school. Needless to say we were both surprised when I walked into her house. I played it off and we left it at that. I'd see hom from time to time but we never pursued anything. Not until years later.
My oldest was 3 years old when I saw him at a parade. I waved but didn't make a full conversation. This was the time Myspace was big. He messaged me and we talked for a bit. I agreed to meet up with him one night. That's when we had sex for the first time. That's what it was for us. He got married and once things fell apart he was back to talking to me again. He ended up in relationships and always managed to hit me up when they just weren't working out. There I would go all dummy. Our relationship was based on flirtatious texts and random hookups to ease our sexual frustration.
Recently, I developed feelings for him. I wanted to be more with him. Why were we still drawn to each other after all these years? Was there a time limit on just being fuck buddies? When would that get old? The way he talked to me and the way he made me feel. Made me think there could be so much more. I was wrong. As much as I wanted him he didn't want me. He didn't see me as anything but on my back or my ass up in the air. I guess this is where I fucked up. I should have never let it get that far or go that long. I just thought 15+ years, would bring us together.
It didn't and that's where it ends. Friendship was never an option. It will never be. I had to let that part of my life go. As I write about my past to let it all go, he will have to stay with the rest. It hurt like hell to say it to him. It still hurts but if I want to heal. The bonds that I have with him must break. Eric, if you ever read this, just know a part of me did love you. I wish you nothing but happiness. If we see each other there will be no hellos. Years from now there will be nothing. Because as fast as you dropped me, it's as fast as I'll forget what you look like.