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Rated: E · Non-fiction · Experience · #2217956
Sensing the death of a past lover three months before it happened
Premonition of death
I dated a woman 34 years ago before I went to Army flight school. We dated off and on. It was my first real relationship and I made a lot of immature mistakes that I outgrew later in life. Long after we broke up for good, I always felt an emotional attachment to her.
On one occasion sixteen years after our split, I had a premonition that something dangerous was going to happen to her. I called her number and asked her if she was okay. She politely said that she was fine and that I didn't have to worry about her anymore. The next day I saw her interviewed on the news about a shooting that occurred at her next door neighbor's house. A kid with the same last name as my own was killed at a graduation party in his own back yard. It was kinda creepy.
Last April I was taking a walk and I had a thought pop into my head that I should try to get closure with her before one of us dies. Since we were both getting older I wasn't too sure which one of us would die first, her or me. I was suddenly overcome with the same grief I felt when we first broke up. Every day that went by the pain of our breakup would build. The need to speak to her became overwhelming and I didn't understand why I would feel this way for someone I hadn't seen in over 30 years. I tried reaching out to her twice. I wrote her a letter in mid-May that went unanswered. A month later, in early-June I drove past her home and happened to see her sitting on the front porch. I pulled in the driveway to say hello but as soon as she recognized me she asked me to leave. The night after that visit I saw both of her dead parents' faces while dreaming. Their faces were very clear just as I remembered them when they were alive. It was after this dream that I know that something was going to happen to her. I wanted to warn her but she wouldn't have anything to do with me.
I tried to dismiss the feelings I was experiencing and just forget about it but a month later I was struck with intense thoughts about her that left me overwhelmed with anxiety. I went for a walk to burn off the stress. During this walk I could feel something wasn't right. I walked 8 miles until 1 in the morning. A couple of days later I searched her name on the internet and found her obituary. I was crushed. I felt her passing. It was sudden and unexpected. Although we had been apart for over 30 years I felt the pain of her passing. Ten months have passed and I am still grieving her loss. I wish that she would have let me warn her, I don't know if it would have made a difference but at least I wouldn't carry the burden that I sensed it and did nothing. I don't understand why the universe would give me this signal but deny me the opportunity for closure or to warn her.

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